deepundergroundpoetry.com
the more things change the more they stay the same
she sat on the edge of the bed
pulling at her nightgown
ignoring the paramedics
checking her over
stared at me
weak
frail
disheveled
looked right through me
maybe seeing something else
because she definitely was unable
to see
me
some things never change
pulling at her nightgown
ignoring the paramedics
checking her over
stared at me
weak
frail
disheveled
looked right through me
maybe seeing something else
because she definitely was unable
to see
me
some things never change
Published 8th Sep 2023
Author's Note
My 80 yr old mom is more stubborn than any human on the planet. I have tried my best to take care of her needs as she's aged, despite our contentious difficult past. She's been battling the loss of her vision due to macular degeneration for years. It's sadly progressed and is beyond the time where she can remain independent in her own home. She's always known what came next, it's something we discussed previously in my effort to put a plan in place before we got here. Yet, she made solidifying that impossible. Well, today, an intervention looms, deciding what IS happening going forward. My goal is to remain cool, calm & collected when that realization dawns on her. I early morning meditated on it, trying to center my peace while reminding myself it's fear that's behind her angst. ©Blu2023
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 32
reading list entries 6
comments 43
reads 563
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8th Sep 2023 12:36pm
8th Sep 2023 1:48pm
8th Sep 2023 2:15pm
10th Sep 2023 3:53pm
I feel the love sent, Ron... thanks.
It's been a challenging few days, for sure.
🌹💙
xo
It's been a challenging few days, for sure.
🌹💙
xo
8th Sep 2023 2:21pm
10th Sep 2023 3:55pm
Very much appreciated, MS.
Really.
I wouldn't wish this whole process on anyone... it's hell hoping that you're navigating correctly.
Doing my best.
Again, thank you.
🌹B
Really.
I wouldn't wish this whole process on anyone... it's hell hoping that you're navigating correctly.
Doing my best.
Again, thank you.
🌹B
8th Sep 2023 2:29pm
I very very much feel what you are going through. Sending you hugs and strength. 💜
My mom will look right through me too at times.
My mom will look right through me too at times.
10th Sep 2023 3:56pm
I know you understand this struggle... it's beyond difficult... sometimes it's utterly overwhelming.
Thank you for being here, D.
I'm grateful
🌹B
Thank you for being here, D.
I'm grateful
🌹B
10th Sep 2023 4:04pm
8th Sep 2023 2:29pm
10th Sep 2023 3:59pm
Man, Robert.. you said it!!
It's a constant struggle. Sometimes I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall...
It's beyond anything I thought I was prepared for.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and taking the time.
🌹B
It's a constant struggle. Sometimes I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall...
It's beyond anything I thought I was prepared for.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and taking the time.
🌹B
8th Sep 2023 2:45pm
Her illness is multilevel.....including her defensiveness....PTSD....she can't change....
Perspective is the great healer.
Perspective is the great healer.
10th Sep 2023 4:03pm
I continue to remind myself of that, RT... I do.
Our relationship was always difficult... now it's truly complicated. Having my older sister here for a couple days has been nice but she'll get to go back home and I'm right back into it. Now, even more so...
It's just beyond.
Thank you for sharing your wise experience... I needed the reminder.
🌹B
Our relationship was always difficult... now it's truly complicated. Having my older sister here for a couple days has been nice but she'll get to go back home and I'm right back into it. Now, even more so...
It's just beyond.
Thank you for sharing your wise experience... I needed the reminder.
🌹B
Anonymous
- Edited 29th Dec 2023 8:45pm
8th Sep 2023 5:19pm
<< post removed >>
10th Sep 2023 4:06pm
I cannot thank you enough for sharing your story and your experience. It's a harsh spotlight but one I appreciate you highlighting for me. It helps me to be able to be a bit more objective in my own life while seeing and understanding how others have dealt with something similar.
All my warmest regards, T.
Thanks, buddy
🌹B
All my warmest regards, T.
Thanks, buddy
🌹B
8th Sep 2023 6:38pm
This is so relatable to what I am going thru with my Dad... though he is not there yet...
10th Sep 2023 4:09pm
I wish you nothing but the best possible outcome and smooth sailing, as much as possible.
Take moments for yourself and meditate when you can... it's been so helpful.
Sorry to hear about your dad, cherish him while you can ... (hugs)
Thanks, LilD
🌹B
Take moments for yourself and meditate when you can... it's been so helpful.
Sorry to hear about your dad, cherish him while you can ... (hugs)
Thanks, LilD
🌹B
8th Sep 2023 8:40pm
Comment on dit en francais "plus ca change, plus la meme chose"...she raised a loving daughter...bon chance...
10th Sep 2023 4:11pm
It's strange to read that, considering how we butted heads my whole life but I deeply appreciate the sentiment.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, Lawrence.. it means so much.
Hope you are doing well,
🌹B
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, Lawrence.. it means so much.
Hope you are doing well,
🌹B
8th Sep 2023 8:49pm
I hope you find peace and a compromise with your mom. Keep on writing you strong beautiful smart sexy woman.
10th Sep 2023 4:17pm
9th Sep 2023 1:07am
This is something that I don't look forward to as my own mother's mind slowly deteriorates. It's hard on the caretakers but it's gotta be hell for those being cared for. Feeling this one
10th Sep 2023 4:16pm
I feel your comments, deeply, Willow.
Yes, that fear of losing yourself, what makes you, you is understandably brutal. Especially when, in my mom's situation, she's so used to being the one who is in control and is normally the 'fixer' Losing her independence and freedom is bad enough, I realize. So, I try to take it day by day, while preparing as best as I can for the eventuality of it all
It's truly difficult.
I send out such warn hopes that you find your through it far better than I have.... all the best wishes, there.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, it's extremely meaningful.
🌹B
Yes, that fear of losing yourself, what makes you, you is understandably brutal. Especially when, in my mom's situation, she's so used to being the one who is in control and is normally the 'fixer' Losing her independence and freedom is bad enough, I realize. So, I try to take it day by day, while preparing as best as I can for the eventuality of it all
It's truly difficult.
I send out such warn hopes that you find your through it far better than I have.... all the best wishes, there.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, it's extremely meaningful.
🌹B
10th Sep 2023 11:05am
10th Sep 2023 2:50pm
10th Sep 2023 3:35pm
Thoughts are with you. My mind went to these ancient words, repeated by Robert F Kennedy: "My favorite poet was Aeschylus. He wrote: "In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."
10th Sep 2023 3:46pm
Your kind words are taken to heart and very much appreciate, Jazz.
Thanks so much for stopping by to share them.
🌹 💙
Thanks so much for stopping by to share them.
🌹 💙
10th Sep 2023 6:24pm
Oh, my beautiful friend I know what you are experiencing. My mother was a challenge. Blessings on you as you remain calm and in control. Hugs and kisses. XO
10th Sep 2023 6:27pm
Thank you , dear poet
It's a comfort to know there are others who understand the trials and tribulations of parental care.
I appreciate the visit - 💙
🌹 x
It's a comfort to know there are others who understand the trials and tribulations of parental care.
I appreciate the visit - 💙
🌹 x
15th Sep 2023 4:49pm
15th Sep 2023 4:55pm
((big hugs))
I feel your warmth... thank you, my dear KP
Those generous thoughts are much needed and heartily welcomed.
xo
I feel your warmth... thank you, my dear KP
Those generous thoughts are much needed and heartily welcomed.
xo
16th Sep 2023 4:43am
This was a hard piece, especially because it hits home for some of us. It's a conversation to be had at one point or another but it's so important to make those decision. Sending positive vibes your way.
16th Sep 2023 7:02am
Thanks so much for all the lovely visits, Walter.
I've not been able to be on DUP like I usually enjoy, so please know this is reply conveying all my deepest thanks for being here with me in this instance poetically and all the others you've so generously left your thoughts with.
It means a lot to me, my friend.
I hope you and yours have a fantastic jaunt into the fall season 🍁🍂🍁
Much love and appreciation,
🌹B
I've not been able to be on DUP like I usually enjoy, so please know this is reply conveying all my deepest thanks for being here with me in this instance poetically and all the others you've so generously left your thoughts with.
It means a lot to me, my friend.
I hope you and yours have a fantastic jaunt into the fall season 🍁🍂🍁
Much love and appreciation,
🌹B
26th Sep 2023 5:11pm
26th Sep 2023 7:00pm
Anonymous
- Edited 16th Oct 2023 9:45pm
26th Sep 2023 6:39pm
<< post removed >>
26th Sep 2023 7:05pm
As is often how life goes... hindsight being 20/20
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. Welcome to the Deep.
I hope you enjoy your time here.
🌹💙 - B
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. Welcome to the Deep.
I hope you enjoy your time here.
🌹💙 - B
27th Sep 2023 4:12pm
27th Sep 2023 4:37pm
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughtful feedback. It's deeply felt.... and very much appreciated, dear lady - 🙏🏻
I am glad and humbled I made a connection, even if painfully so.
Returned love,
🌹💙 - B
I am glad and humbled I made a connection, even if painfully so.
Returned love,
🌹💙 - B
28th Sep 2023 4:27pm
And that is all we can do for them. Love, attend to, care for. I sincerely know how you feel. My mother, all of 93 years, living with me, requires all of my patience. The writing about it helps. And that was poignant, beautifully writ.
7th Oct 2023 5:08am
You are wise to know what needs to be done to take care of your Mom. And seeing to this is the most loving compassionate thing you can do for her. Your poem expresses your sorrow to see her in need of such care. Yet you find in your heart peace to accept what cannot be changed. I admire you even more for this. It took me years to finally let my Mom be taken care of in such a home. It was a struggle and she likely needed dit long before I finally found her a home. But she adjusted. And I am thankful for how these caring people took care of her an how our relationship got so much better after that. You truly know what is best for your Mom in your heart and your poem expresses an acceptance that evidences all the wonderful things you are.
Much love,
John
Much love,
John
3rd Nov 2023 10:33pm
At some point the one cared for has to accept the carer is the one to say how things are going to be. My mother lived on her own till 88 years old, then me & my brother said "it's enough now" (after she crashed the old family Saab in a dentist's car-park). It took a year for her to 'pack up the house' of 60 years, and say good-bye, but she did it very gracefully - and lived for 5 more years in my brother's granny-flat. It was a challenge all round, but the best option. Hope you find an equitable and equally graceful solution. All the best, Josh.
