backwards.

i am back to the beginning
the dark rooms and me
scraping for air.

i live in reverse  
i am back to  
curling up  
without purpose for anything
and i ponder death again.

i am back to hating my guts
for making decisions that
broke me
trashed me
killed me.

nothing would be as it is
if i never chose to hold onto
someone who
ruined me
because i was naive enough
to believe in love.

there is a reason why i hid it all away.

i hate the taste of my tears
i hate the sound of my mind
breaking me up into miniscule
hopeless pieces.

i hated being this way
and fuck, i am back to living
like this.