grief is a silent lake

Everything's changed
But still...everything's the same
Death has visited us once again
What I wouldn't give for a ride from them
World views shifting and changing
It's hard to breathe and even harder to swallow
Empty words and unfinished poems
The world feels darker since she's gone
But the world really wasn't much better
When she was bound to this life
In such a deeply broken body
The family isn't as vibrant as before
The violence I feared just seems a bore
What would they do that they haven't already
I close my eyes and see her grave
And I wish I could crawl into it with her
I just want to hear her say my name once more
This bed, this house, my personal attachments
All seem to amount to no more than prison bars
There's so much I cannot do right now
Frozen in this place of constant pain
Wishing that it hurt more due to my tolerance
I'm not emotionally bleeding...not crushed glass
I feel like ashes where a fire once was
People aren't and shouldnt be surprised
That my arm is covered in band aids
But that form of punishment feels hollow too
I feel like a boat cut loose into a still lake
No oar, no waves, no sun or stars
Just mirror like water and cloudy skies
Her absence a heavy weight settling
Is this the acceptance in the cycle of grief?
Because she's gone and everything still goes on