secrets

 
I am weary in my bones of secrets kept and lies told  
they settle in my depths as ghosts  
who haunt my dreams  
 
my happiness is sorrow  
it feels counterfeit or borrowed  
my soul will have to pay double for its company today  
tomorrow will come one day and take back its spirit  
 
I count the moments of forgetfulness in-between as joy  
I'm not the person I should be  
I am just who I am  
 
I collect my thoughts in diaries where they can be managed  
still, they linger waiting for me to sleep  
to become larger than life  
 
I am small inside my fear