YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

Alot of times people ask why I'm so angry and violent.
Why do I spend most days unhappy and silent?
This is directed to those that already know that answer.
I hope these words spread through them, a soul infecting cancer.
I had a good upbringing, I had the best kind of mama.
She taught me to recognize bullshit and avoid all the drama.
We never had money, we were literally dirt poor.
But having my mama made up for that and so much fucking more.
She is a truly great woman, but I saw her struggles at an early age.
Life shit on her constantly, planting the seeds of my rage.
My father walked out because that's the shit he did.
My father was a cop so it's no wonder why I hate a fucking pig.
I stopped missing him long ago, he can stay the fuck out.
Daddy issues are for children, that isn't what this is about.
I spent most of my days alone, feeling outcast and neglected.
High school was a bitch because assholes felt protected.
I don't claim to be invincible but I learned to love the fight.
People hurt me so I hurt them, 2 wrongs do sometimes make a right.
Make examples of the first few, beat teeth out of their fucking head.
A lesson in watching what you say, made real by bloodshed.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm the underdog not the bully.
I just shed all hesitation when it came time to get unruly.
High school was tame compared to the next journey my life had in store.
Took a broken and angry little kid and sent his ass off to war.
I had no idea what to expect, I bit off way more than I could chew.
I was 17 and scared as fuck, I didn't know what I was going to do.
Hundreds and hundreds of days, burning flesh and fucking screaming.
An ongoing nightmare that I'm still fucking dreaming.
If you're starting to be judgmental, then please just hear me out.
Unnecessary violence is in no way what I'm about.
I would never kill just to kill or fight just to fight.
My remorse haunts me to tears, it consumes most every night.
I'm sure everyone has an opinion as to what they would do.
But peace and love turn to self preservation when they start aiming the guns at you.
I avoid sleep like a disease, it's the worst thing required.
Wake up screaming, tasting dirt, watching the lack of dignity or purpose in the deaths of people I admired.
No time to slow down, never any time to grieve.
Ripped the heart from my chest and inked it in my sleeve.
People look at veterans now like fucking heroin addicts.
We lose things that never return, I'm not being dramatic.
I found a little dog, he was how I made it through.
Cutting bags open in Walmart filling my pockets with dog food.
That little dog was my best friend, he really helped me make it.
He woke me up from the nightmares and licked me to help me shake it.
I would've protected him with my life, he was all I fucking had.
A huge understatement is saying that these times were fucking bad.
I tried to be legit, all the way to the end of my fucking rope.
Being homeless and starving seemed much worse than selling dope.
It's funny how money and drugs instantly attract shitty people.
My lonely heart never had a chance against their evil.
I gave them a home, fed them, and called them my friend.
They smiled fake smiles, stole my shit, they plotted my end.
Don't act stupid, motherfuckers, you know exactly what this is about!
Kicked in my front door, brandished weapons in my house!
You put your gun in my face, you kicked my little dog!
I was always down for you but you put more value in an 8-ball!
You took us to the woods to kill us over the drugs that you stole!
Gave me a Goddamn shovel, told me to dig my own fucking hole!
But you were a speed head and for that high you couldn't fucking wait.
You started slipping for the only second I needed, and I didn't hesitate.
I caught you with that shovel, right in the fucking temple.
I hear you're starting to walk again now but your brain is damaged and simple.
For you it must not be a big deal, brain damage must not really suck.
Because before I split your head open you were already dumb as a motherfuck.
I hate you, motherfucker, I really hope that you know.
Bringing violence in front of my baby, exposing a side of me I didn't want to show.
I should have fucking killed you, I shouldn't have fucking stopped.
I should've kept swinging that shovel until there was nothing left to chop.
I fucking loved you, man, you were supposed to be my boy.
I thought I had a real friend but it was all a fucking ploy.
You were fully aware of my crumbling and hopelessly desperate world.
I fucking gave you all I had, you even fucked my girl!
And when I found out I let you stay, I made her roll out.
I kept it BOH and G-Code, that's all I was ever about.
You got whatever you asked me for, I'd given you more dope than you tried to steal.
I almost killed you when I loved you and now hatred is all I feel.
I hope you are truly miserable and that you never do recover.
I pray you choke on your own vomit and know you're a bitch as you smother.
Back to just me and my dog because you robbed me of my "friends".
That dog was so important to me and his death almost caused my end.
He was my child, my best friend, my confidant, my savior.
He loved me at my worst and excused my fucked up behavior.
One night he got loose and he got hit by a car.
Nobody lifted a finger as my baby died on that tar.
There was a little stuffed bear, a few feet away.
My everything died while just trying to play.
I just stood there crying, in the middle of the road.
I was destroyed and broken, I didn't care if it showed.
Finding him dead did more damage than if someone had shot me.
Motherfuckers couldn't even turn their wheels to try and miss his little body.
I took my shirt off, picked him up, put him in it.
The final straw, the end of my tolerance came within the next minute.
I stood there in tears, my world shattering like glass.
A heartless piece of shit honked and told me to move my fucking ass.
You saw what I was doing, motherfucker, you witnessed my heart breaking!
I stood there with my dead little friend, so absolutely alone, crying, and shaking!
All you did was yell at me, you felt no sympathy for my pain!
That dead dog saved your life, holding his lifeless body is the only way I could refrain.
I made it a point to remember your plate number, it's burned into my fucking mind.
This town isn't that big and you're the only thing I really care to find.
I've gone toe to toe with people that would scare you to fucking death.
You better never sleep, you better enjoy your every breath.
I will apologize to you, for standing there holding my dead baby, slowing up your pace.
I'll show you the same sympathy you showed with a box-cutter to your fucking face.
You're not sorry for what you did but you'll be sorry you got found.
Only screams of the innocent bother me, yours will be a welcome sound.
I never wanted any of this, I wanted a pretty life.
I wouldn't have ever imagined this much pain, struggle, strife.
I valued human life, I wanted a better world for everyone.
I fucked up when I looked for my worth to them, something I shouldn't have done.
You will never mean more to me than the nothing I mean to you.
I gave up on people when it became the only thing left to do.
You all attacked me, bleeding me dry of something other than my blood.
I laid there bleeding out my humanity, face down in the mud.
You know what this is about, why my heart will attack.
Please believe I'm coming for all of you that left knives in my back.