deepundergroundpoetry.com
In Dreams
her eyes like miles
entice me more
than her smile
which, I also adore
her artistic mind
& innocent eyes
show me her
essence is pure
under her long hair,
I see an honest face
kind ideas to share
and a mind in a race
what a honor her
signs of interest are
I hope she sees this
as chance chemistry
like two birds, we'll
escape the blank page
our styles and views
perfect to collaborate
the timing isn't great
both unable to create
still, her poems inspire
so, I'll try until I'm retired
we'll get the best
from our soul's safes
mixing our feelings
as we fill the page
for now, I'll think up
new concepts to relay
and hope she decides to
let our worlds assimilate
in dreams, our mix
makes words that burn
In dreams, ink tells a
tale two poets learn
entice me more
than her smile
which, I also adore
her artistic mind
& innocent eyes
show me her
essence is pure
under her long hair,
I see an honest face
kind ideas to share
and a mind in a race
what a honor her
signs of interest are
I hope she sees this
as chance chemistry
like two birds, we'll
escape the blank page
our styles and views
perfect to collaborate
the timing isn't great
both unable to create
still, her poems inspire
so, I'll try until I'm retired
we'll get the best
from our soul's safes
mixing our feelings
as we fill the page
for now, I'll think up
new concepts to relay
and hope she decides to
let our worlds assimilate
in dreams, our mix
makes words that burn
In dreams, ink tells a
tale two poets learn
Author's Note
My attempt to convince a friend to collaborate
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 23
reading list entries 9
comments 46
reads 1135
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 6:41am
I really love this, it's sweet and you can sense the admiration throughout the piece.
1
Re: Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 8:18am
Thank you. I'm glad you like! And the admiration is very real. The girl is very real.
Re. In Dreams
Anonymous
14th Sep 2021 6:51am
I agree with fallen angel's comment--very heartfelt, sincere--
I particularly enjoy the rhythms, which have a good baseline, but some good change-ups that keep it from becoming predictable--
favorite image: eyes that entice like miles--way to escape cliches! Nice work!
other images I enjoyed: her mind in a race (as far as a romantic image, very nice); and the words in your "soul's safe"
Enjoyed!
and liked!
I particularly enjoy the rhythms, which have a good baseline, but some good change-ups that keep it from becoming predictable--
favorite image: eyes that entice like miles--way to escape cliches! Nice work!
other images I enjoyed: her mind in a race (as far as a romantic image, very nice); and the words in your "soul's safe"
Enjoyed!
and liked!
3
Re: Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 8:17am
Thanks man. That was a very nice and in depth comment. I appreciate you taking the time to read! And all the compliments!
Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 7:20am
Oh dear.... You are sooooooo sweet
... ❤ love this poem.... 🌷🌷🌷
You are pretty good at convincing ;)
... ❤ love this poem.... 🌷🌷🌷
You are pretty good at convincing ;)
1
Re: Re. In Dreams
Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 8:27am
Re: Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 8:29am
Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 9:46am
Good flow and imagery to this poem. Hope the collaboration works out. Keep writing.
3
Re: Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 9:49am
Thanks bro! I'm glad we clicked up on here. Nice having your input and being able to read your work.
Re: Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 3:20pm
Hey, thank you! I wasn't expecting to see you here but I appreciate you stopping by and giving me a read. I'm really glad you liked it!
Re. In Dreams
Re: Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 3:21pm
I agree. I'll try to let you know when it comes to fruition! Thanks for the read!
Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 4:21pm
Dear W,
This is a wonderfully romantic invitation anyone would be honored to receive. It’s thoughtful, kind and raw in its openness. I wish you the best and hope to see its fruition, however, this piece stands on its own. H🌷
This is a wonderfully romantic invitation anyone would be honored to receive. It’s thoughtful, kind and raw in its openness. I wish you the best and hope to see its fruition, however, this piece stands on its own. H🌷
2
Re: Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 9:53pm
Thank for the read. I'm glad you like it that much. Makes me feel like a decent writer lol you're the best!
Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 8:25pm
I appreciate the loveliness here, William... I am curious to see the collaboration, hopefully!! .... Terrifically penned and the warmth emanates..
🌹 - 💙
B
🌹 - 💙
B
2
Re: Re. In Dreams
14th Sep 2021 9:54pm
Re. In Dreams
15th Sep 2021 00:54am
Re: Re. In Dreams
15th Sep 2021 1:42am
Re. In Dreams
15th Sep 2021 3:06am
Re: Re. In Dreams
15th Sep 2021 3:15am
You pick a date and we will collaborate 😘 you were my first D.U. infatuation girl !
Re: Re. In Dreams
15th Sep 2021 3:21am
Re: Re. In Dreams
15th Sep 2021 3:22am
Anonymous
- Edited 18th Nov 2021 8:45pm
15th Sep 2021 6:22am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. In Dreams
Thank you for your comment and thank you again for reading and I really hope to see your face more often.
Anonymous
- Edited 6th Dec 2022 00:45am
15th Sep 2021 6:27pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. In Dreams
15th Sep 2021 6:55pm
Re. In Dreams
18th Sep 2021 00:41am
This really has a great flow to it. Can't wait to read the collaboration!!
1
Re: Re. In Dreams
15th Oct 2021 1:31am
Re. In Dreams
20th Sep 2021 9:03pm
I am certain you have convinced her. Like Adelphina, I cannot wait to read the collaboration. ;) Very sincere, heartfelt, and beautiful.
1
Re: Re. In Dreams
15th Oct 2021 1:32am
Re. In Dreams
17th Oct 2021 4:01am
Re: Re. In Dreams
17th Oct 2021 4:06am
It still could be! I love connecting through poetry. First let's see if you even like my work 🙏
Re: Re. In Dreams
17th Oct 2021 4:10am
I...will...read...but give me some time... Brain overload... I'm so lonely tonight.
My heart a cemetery
My heart a cemetery
1
Re. In Dreams
17th Oct 2021 4:13am
No rush at all..
If you're lonely, it's by choice.
I'd be happy to exchange thoughts with you and maybe take a walk through that cemetery.
If you're lonely, it's by choice.
I'd be happy to exchange thoughts with you and maybe take a walk through that cemetery.
Re. In Dreams
Anonymous
18th Oct 2021 2:43am
Hey William……this is a gorgeous ink…….pleading for another to join words together……..to share ink with another writer is a great honor…….hope your friend reads this……..purple luv & hugs xo :)
1
Re. In Dreams
Thank you for the read and your time and I agree.
I think collaboration is great and I want to do it more often
I think collaboration is great and I want to do it more often
Re. In Dreams
18th Nov 2021 5:18am
Re: Re. In Dreams
16th Dec 2021 6:48pm
Re. In Dreams
9th Jan 2022 1:16am
"I hope she sees this
as chance chemistry"
that is so cute! I love this. I hope she collaborates you if it hasn't happened already.
as chance chemistry"
that is so cute! I love this. I hope she collaborates you if it hasn't happened already.
1
Re: Re. In Dreams
17th Jan 2022 1:37am
Re. In Dreams
2nd Jan 2023 2:37am
I couldn't help but smile while reading your poem. Your admiration and respect for your friend is evident. Collaboration is tricky in the sense that both writers need to have chemistry to allow the words and themes to mesh together harmoniously rather than in discord. I salute you, William.
1
Re: Re. In Dreams
30th Mar 2023 5:08am