deepundergroundpoetry.com
Frozen
Sometimes I think that I am no longer afraid of you, and then it all comes back to me in crushing waves that sit upon my chest like heavy boulders.
You yelled at me in the car today and everything stopped, and it was as if I was ten years old again, hiding in a dark closet with my sister on my hip.
It was as if cold water had been shot through my veins, and I was frozen in time once again.
Sometimes I think that I am no longer afraid of you, that all of the bad memories I shoved down between my ribs are just memories, and that you are different,
And then something will set you off, and I see the true face that You have tried so hard to erase from our memories.
Sometimes I think that the fear that lived inside of my lungs has evaporated, and then a door will slam and I have to fight the urge to flinch, and then I realize that I will always be scared.
I remember learning how to listen to how you'd walk into the house, how your footsteps would echo off of the walls in anger or normality.
And I think that that is when I realized that I was no longer living, just surviving.
I think that I will always be afraid of you, and for you, the parent that I always loved the most.
But I am much older now, and even though the fear of my ten year old self still clings to me when you yell, I am strong enough now to yell back, for the same anger that runs through your skin also runs through mine.
And I think that that is the scariest part of it all, how I wear your face and bathe in your anger, almost as if I am you, it freezes me to my core,
Thinking that I am anything like you.
You yelled at me in the car today and everything stopped, and it was as if I was ten years old again, hiding in a dark closet with my sister on my hip.
It was as if cold water had been shot through my veins, and I was frozen in time once again.
Sometimes I think that I am no longer afraid of you, that all of the bad memories I shoved down between my ribs are just memories, and that you are different,
And then something will set you off, and I see the true face that You have tried so hard to erase from our memories.
Sometimes I think that the fear that lived inside of my lungs has evaporated, and then a door will slam and I have to fight the urge to flinch, and then I realize that I will always be scared.
I remember learning how to listen to how you'd walk into the house, how your footsteps would echo off of the walls in anger or normality.
And I think that that is when I realized that I was no longer living, just surviving.
I think that I will always be afraid of you, and for you, the parent that I always loved the most.
But I am much older now, and even though the fear of my ten year old self still clings to me when you yell, I am strong enough now to yell back, for the same anger that runs through your skin also runs through mine.
And I think that that is the scariest part of it all, how I wear your face and bathe in your anger, almost as if I am you, it freezes me to my core,
Thinking that I am anything like you.
Published 2nd Sep 2021
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3rd Sep 2021 3:31am
Even though I've never experienced what you have, I had close friends that did. I'm so thankful my parents weren't like this. While some did turn into their parents, not all of them did. I hope you find a way to steer into a better path.
Excellent write.
Excellent write.
