broken fingers can't hold hands in the rain

I dream of your dead lifeless body
and awake to sweaty palms  
and a panic attack
wondering if you made it  
through another broken night  
 
You hold death on your tongue
like the promise of a good night kiss
and I can't hold your face  
any closer  
or further away
because it makes no difference  
to the rain in your eyes  
and I won't be the one  
to pull trigger  
 
You hold death on your tongue
like a knife  
and I refuse to be mugged  
by your sadness  
when I can't save you
from the abyss you dug yourself  
 
I can't love you better  
when your love leaves burns inside
that I can't heal with happy memories
and better days  
 
I can't save us both from the dark