Snapshot

Birds are a wonderful world.  Keep on writing.

Thank you, Francisco. xo

I am there wow such vividly accurate descriptions in fact it is quite tantalizing! I can see everything and , I can almost smell the trees .
Beautifully written Ava
Write on! ✍️
❤️ Jackie
Listed 👍🏻

Thank you, Jackie! Deeply appreciated. xo

Love how descriptive you are!

Thank you, Jamsta!

Exceptional !!

Thank you, my friend. xo

This poem is quite a beauty 👌 great description.... Makes one feel so happy reading it. 😊

Thank you, Rohini! I very much appreciate your input! xo

"into snowflaked obsidian"     
        
This is a wonderful way to describe winter! Especially when the wind blows snow into drifts and you often end up with both a smooth yet jagged textured landscape.     
      
====================   
       
"a phenocryst crystal, reflecting"   
       
Is it possible to merge this? It reads a bit redundant. Also, I don't see much need for the comma, or the "a" which leads the following line, and is present in the final line of the stanza as well.  
       
"phenocrystal reflecting"   
       
It doesn't seem to be an actual word, but I don't see why it can't be. If a phenocryst is a crystal, then something similar to such a crystal could certainly be referred to as phenocrystal, phenocrystallish, or phenocrystalline in quality.      
     
 ====================   
       
"It is no bigger than my palm;     
yet, its shrill organ penetrates"     
    
I think you can simplify here, because the semicolon isn't that necessary in relationship to the word "yet" which itself is often used to extend a sentence.     
    
"It is no bigger than my palm     
yet its shrill organ penetrates"     
    
However, you still offer up a solid contrast without either.     
    
"No bigger than my palm     
its shrill organ penetrates"     
    
Please consider adding "still" to the mix for some internal rhyme. It will also create an emphasis on said contrast of small, yet powerful.     
    
"No bigger than my palm     
its shrill organ still penetrates"     
    
❤📄

Thanks for your indepth critique! I appreciate it.

No, phenocrystal isn't a word ( I checked, hoping it was ). Then, after reading a few times, I grew to like the consonance of the repetition, like the bird's song. Regardless of whether or not I decide to merge the two words, I feel the comma should stay.

I'm not sure if you read poetry outloud, but I do. Of course everyone reads differently, and thus will use punctuation accordingly. As I read it, I imagined standing before the snow fall, watching it coat the obsidian night—much like reflecting on a lake before realizing it's shimmering. The comma, to me, adds that reflection pause ( particularly when reading out loud ).

In reference to the repetition of 'a': repeating a word typically doesn't work when said word can be replaced ( and thus also extends your vocabulary ). The triple use of 'a' felt uncomfortable at first; however, as I reread, substituting variables, I honestly felt it contained a rhythm. I noted you didn't suggest anything; it's how I felt too!  

I mean "reflecting/solitary soloist" just doesn't work without the 'a', anymore than "phenocryst crystal" does without it. I honestly didn't see any way around it. That, to me, is when repetition does work, and furthermore, creates somewhat of an alliterative rhythm.

====================

I originally had 'still' in the line! But, after rereading felt it wasn't necessary. I still don't feel it's needed to make the point. To me, rhyme, consonance, assonance and the like are all beautiful things in poetry, until it feels forced ( much like a very bad rhyme scheme where you could almost rattle the words they'll use off before they're even reached ).

'[y]et' is a conjunction as well as an adverb, and can begin a sentence. I wanted to break the thought  between two independent clauses; however, I like your compact suggestion so will more than likely alter those lines ( still not gonna use 'still' though - LOL! ).

Thank you again for your time and awesome critique. It is very much appreciated. ❤📄

Whatever works for you! Mine is but one person's opinion, of course, and you have to go with what feels best for you. Thank you for the opportunity to Honestly Critique your work, which  from a technical standpoint, I rarely get to do ... because it's always so amazingly crafted! LOL

You know I've always welcomed honesty. One person's opinion can alter the course of a peom for the better.

😊❤📄

I sometimes feel that poems on here which use long and technical words are overwritten, but this poem is an example of that done right. The words flow together like music, in exquisite imaginative harmony. The effect is like that which Hart Crane’s poems produced, though with a much clearer narrative line.  It makes me want to read it again to both appreciate the harmony and better understands the meaning, which I think is the best that a poem can do.

The last two lines aren’t needed, in my opinion. They’re a quotation from something else that feels tacked on to the poem at the end to give away its meaning. I think if you are going to use it (and I’m not sure you should) it should come to the front.

Hi, Jack! Thanks as always for your honesty. I'm torn on the quote. It was honestly how I was feeling while watching the scene unfold. . .and I'm really wondering if I would've written it had it not been a song. . .

I will consider your suggestion and appreciate ( again ) your honesty and willingness to help me improve.

Great.

Particularly liked:

"a solitary soloist perched  
on a shivering pin oak's limb"  ...it paints such a vivid image, I actually feel cold reading it.

Thank you, Lozzamus. I really appreciate you weighing in and value your input.

All we need now is a hot cup of coffee (or tea, or chocolate) and enjoy the beautiful view.
What a pretty portrait you painted with words here! Now I'll have the song stuck in my head for the rest of the day.
Nicely done!

Thank you, Wally. Much appreciated. <3

Dear A,

What this write made me feel was free. Snowfall creates a baptism for me. As though I just have to allow for a wind gust to pick me up and I fly with all the birds and other snowflakes. I no longer carry all the feelings of insecurity i seemingly love to carry around. Weightlessness. Glorious piece. H🌷

Thank you, Honoria. I feel the same way about snow, particularly when the snowflakes are very fat, as these were. xo