Clear

i like the tempo to this wonderful read spill

Thx for the read Tallen

This was beautuful.

Thx Adagio, this poem means a lot to me.

a sweet flow of words well done

welcome to DUP

Thx for your read and kind comment

Short but outstanding inking...  👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾✌🏾

Thank you very much Poetikmind

A lot of energy  in this short poem. I enjoyed your positivity.  Write on!

Thank you, I'm really pleased you sensed the energy. There is a lot behind these words

Real beautiful, soft delicate great read

Thank you for your nice comment Joe...and thx for reading my first poem here!

Well it's a great start, I cant wait to read your other works

Hey Bawaga.......way to start off here.......very beautiful and visual ink.......a sensual feel this has left me with.......purple luv & hugs xo :)

Thankyou for reading Flowergirl, I'm  pleased it had a lasting affect on you x

Very woderful poem.  Keep on writing.

Thanks for reading Francisco x

Beautiful, heartfelt, and wonderfully written... Great writing, and welcome to DUP, Bawaga! 🙏❤️

Thank you for reading and lovely response x

My pleasure... Looking forward to seeing more of your writing!

Hi and welcome to the site. There is a lovely sensitivity to your rendering. I would suggest moving away from the end line rhyming. Rhymes that are sparse have more impact. Alliteration, consonance, assonance, have a more subliminal syllabic harmony. Lastly, free form has a more natural, organic feel to it, which resonates in a genuine way.

If you'd be interested in sending a poem in to the site's podcast or joining us for one of our segments where we talk about poetry or our humorous quiz segment, let me know. You can listen to any of our published episodes here, to learn what the podcast is about, if you would be amenable.

https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/podcasts/

Thanks Daniel for your honest and instructive critique. I have thought about your advice about trying too hard to make a poem rhyme (for the sake of it) and to go with the organic flow of it because it perhaps reads more true and real in this freeform style. Although, when I try this style I stutter and halt frequently probably due to my inexperience and uneducated poetic knowledge and vocabulary. But thankyou for noticing the 'sensitivity' because if my words resonate how I feel then on a level it worked and for that I am pleased. I would feel privileged to join your podcast and I will check it out.

Ultimately what matters is what feels right to you. I offer the benefit of my experience to other writers, but your writing journey is uniquely yours. I offer several techniques to broaden your skill set in the group Cafe Critique.

I hope you enjoy checking out the podcast! Feel free to message me any time if you'd like to be added to the list of people we'll have on a future segment with us. 💖🙏

Very good poem.

Thank you Marks

You're welcome.

Clear is a succinct and precise spill similar to open heart surgery. Your lover IS THE luckiest person.