LOST AND FOUND  (10-24-19, 2:00pm, Palm Springs, California)

 
momentarily
overwhelmed  
stuck adrift  
in some funky  
melancholic  
static  emotional limbo  
from my own  
perception  
of all  
the seeming  
near constantly  
increasing  
further daily evidence  
of the extinction  
of simplicity  
in my life  
in life in general  
overall  
these days  
throughout this  
our over pillaged  
mortally sickened world  
so i asked myself  
reflectively  
where am i  
amid all of this  
here presently really at  
beneath  behind  
between  beyond  
this outer  egoic mask  
i wear
of genuine
and feigned reactions
so intricately
entangled
herein
within
my own  
unknown  
deeply suppressed  
psychological  
subconscious  
self deceptions  
perhaps  
as well as  
in my stubbornly  
uncompromising  
nonconformist  
individuality  
ive worn publicly  
so effectively  
almost each  
and everyday  
of my life  
since even my  
early childhood years  
yet mostly  
as an awkward way  
of trying to  
at least peripherally  
blend in  
without necessarily  
ever having  
to more fully  
fit in  
to the even greater  
mass cultural  
mythic  
false lie  
of so called  
normalcy  
or even  
semi normalcy  
heaven forbid  
together whose  
global  
historic metastasis  
has now spread  
so systemically  
upon and throughout  
our now  
undeniably  
critically faltering earth  
that its final  
unconscionable  
death rattles  
are increasingly shaking  
what relatively little  
true hope  
beauty and life  
still remains here  
of our once  
so beautiful  
pristine  
sacred  
living world  
wherein these  
obliquely arisen  
sudden  distal thoughts  
now brief  
momentary  
self queried pause  
the only insight  
thought  response  reply  
which then arose  
in nebulous  
answer  
up through  
into me here  
was i sense  
and feel  
overall  
throughout most  
all my life  
despite whatever  
hard earned  
flawed  
coping  
and survival  
navigational skills  
ive acquired  
by now  
or not  
at my disposal  
to use  
in dealing with  
the truly  
crazy making  
ups and downs  
good and bad  
hardships  
of lifes  
successes  
and losses  
joys  
and sufferings  
which come  
with it all  
was and is  
that i have  
nonetheless  
always felt  
and been  
still have  
and am  
here where  
ive always been  
right smack dab  
at the very
epicenter  
of its ever challenging  
ever changing  
mysterious journyeys sum  
somewhat  
largely lost  
yet also simultaneously  
somewhat  
more fully found  
unexpectedly  
within that lostness  
contentedly  
at home  
more fully aligned  
right at  
the very  
core heart center  
of a much higher  
much bigger pictures
divine
ineffable truth  
which most other humans  
in this world  
today  
for the most part  
seemingly  
sadly  
even with
all the overwhelming
catastrophic
consequences
globally increasing
each and every
day by day
just cannot see  
sense  
nor feel  
nearly so clearly  
nor fully  
as me  
much less  
based on all  
i have seen  
will doubtfully  
ever transcendently  
awaken  
nearly as fully  
nor transformationally  
into this  
core heart truth  
so deep  
and ineffably profound  
at the very  
ground  
of all highest being  
where i  
on the other hand  
have so long  
seen  
lived  
been and dreamed
and yet
still am  
consciously awakened  
to both  
comfortably being  
so lost and found  
here in the continuous  
eternal flow  
of this fluid  
sacred now  
here in between  
within and without  
both these  
two worlds  
i still live in
and am forced  
to equally  
coexist in  
indefinitely here
in this grand epitome
of this
once perfect
pristine  
truly wondrous
living paradise
which even now
itself
thanks to mankinds
historical plague
upon her
spins so increasingly
out of balance
she too now
is on the
teetering
thin ice
verge
of fast becoming
forever lost  
along with
all else
which still
currently lives
but the good news
is that
mankind
as an unconscionable
asshole species
which has
done its
historical best
to own
possess
and completely
destroy her
will justifiably
and hopefully be
as a collective
deserving whole
the first
and absolute
worst
of all  
to go
at no
great loss
to whatever else
if anything
at all
may yet be left
of life
itself
upon
and including
this
our precious
worlds
presently
uncertain fates
still not  
quite yet done
outcome
beyond
the historical
toxic
deadly
plague like scourge
of adios
at too long last
kiss your failed
worthless ass
goodbye
mankind
good
bye