Best for Me

All the lies
 and goodbyes

I knew there were more
a real family, I've longed for
But this will never be
it's something you'll never see

See how you treat me, see how it breaks
we build something and see how it shakes
We  start stacking up the blocks
rebuilding, trying to turn back the clocks
Not erasing everything we've done
instead mending each and every one
Ruining everything, you get in the way
you stand on the tracks with too much to say
About how I'm heartless and should treat you better
remember the chances I gave, progress started in a letter

And instead of hearing a daughter in pain
you saw it as a superiority complex to gain
Don't worry, we don't have to go back there
then again, who were you to say that you don't care
Who were you to say I'd be a horrible mother
when we all know how you treated my eldest brother
How could you call something like that good
if I were a mother, I'd never do the things you would
Or did, but not anymore
this, I know in my core

Not asking, I'm saying you're done doing this to me
this isn't what a mother/ daughter relationship should be
Even in a friendship, this treatment, I wouldn't take
remember our blocks that started to shake
Remember when I said I was done
no longer your daughter, I'm not like your son
To him, it doesn't matter how you're treated
whatever the fight, no matter how heated
He enables emotional abuse
it's never okay, no matter the excuse

You victim blame
it's always the same
Thinking of the past, I bite back the bile
of what you put me through but I cover with a smile
Try to hope that you've changed
how could I? Am I deranged?
You see nothing wrong with your treatment of me
now that I'm done I can let go and bury all at the base of a tree
The memories and blocks we've built
can be left and buried without leaving me guilt

With everything you've done, maybe I should
give up because believe me, I've done all I could
Given you chances, mended fences
telling me to run are all of my senses
Myself, I'll let them possess to run
trust me, I'm not jumping the gun
This decision wasn't rushed
except for this it will be hushed
There's no point to living this any longer
don't worry, without you, I'll be stronger

It's one thing you prepared me for
that being there for me is a chore

Going forward with you, I'll see only an apparition
a ghost from my past, our memory tree undergoing abolition
All is destroyed, now only the memory of you remains
no longer held captive, I've broken my chains

My shackles of obligation, now crumbled; I'm free
finally doing what's best for me, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.

    


          Sometimes my poetry is about my life and other times it is complete fiction. This, however, is no fiction. This is, to be very blunt, about my mother. I'm done and this is just something to honor the moment I'm finally doing, what the title says, what's best for me. This is something I needed to do because no one should continue to accept emotional abuse as their norm or to be something they deserve. I am not the best person in the world, you could find somebody way closer to mother Teresa than me.  I make mistakes and I have never claimed to be perfect but I try to make this world a little better.  I wake up wanting to help people be as happy as I am in my life because everyone deserves some kind of happiness. I won't continue to accept behavior and treatment from anyone who says they care about me. I don't deserve that and neither do any of you out there. So this is me saying that it is not okay. I hope you all know that you don't deserve to be treated badly either and that you always do what is best for yourselves.