deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Last Betrayal
She seems to take it all in stride
His ignorance of her dismay
The harpies circling overhead
Will say nothing of his wretched way
The serpent road slowly uncoils
Then a detour down twisted path
His the hovel on the left
The scene of her impending wrath
She will hear no further lie
His honeyed tongue a treachery
He has traveled far at high midnight
Singing choice songs of lechery
Still another victim in his arms
Another melting in the sun
She herself a misery
Until she finally finds her gun.
His ignorance of her dismay
The harpies circling overhead
Will say nothing of his wretched way
The serpent road slowly uncoils
Then a detour down twisted path
His the hovel on the left
The scene of her impending wrath
She will hear no further lie
His honeyed tongue a treachery
He has traveled far at high midnight
Singing choice songs of lechery
Still another victim in his arms
Another melting in the sun
She herself a misery
Until she finally finds her gun.
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likes 8
reading list entries 0
comments 14
reads 518
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re. The Last Betrayal
3rd Jul 2018 10:06pm
This is well done , Crowfly ;
I like it for the structure , wordplay and usage , and rhyme scheme...;)
You might like this image from my Tumblr :
https://witchinwolf.tumblr.com/post/170777629790
I like it for the structure , wordplay and usage , and rhyme scheme...;)
You might like this image from my Tumblr :
https://witchinwolf.tumblr.com/post/170777629790
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Re: Re. The Last Betrayal
3rd Jul 2018 10:18pm
"My aim is getting better." Great pic! Thanks for the tip, and the kind words.
Re. The Last Betrayal
3rd Jul 2018 10:36pm
Re: Re. The Last Betrayal
3rd Jul 2018 10:37pm
Re. The Last Betrayal
Anonymous
4th Jul 2018 1:11am
My dear friend you have a way with words that astonish me. They are so well descriptive, that it seems almost like looking on to screen and wondering what will come next. Very good ink. Loved it. J.
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Re: Re. The Last Betrayal
5th Jul 2018 10:45pm
Thanks for the kind words, Juvenalis. I try to make the descriptions vivid. Sometimes, though, they turn out to be lurid. All part of the fun.
Re: Re. The Last Betrayal
Anonymous
5th Jul 2018 10:55pm
Dear Croy, I truly do not mind "the Lurid", as you call it. I am not "clean" with words many times myself. I write it as I see and feel it and I sure as hell appreciate reading good ink that calls things as they are. Keep up the good work. Would not mind uniting forces sometime, if and when you feel it. J.
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Re. The Last Betrayal
Anonymous
4th Jul 2018 4:23am
Wow Crow......this swirled thru my heart.......a soul can hurt only so much till one day we say this enough......I’m done.......great ink my friend.......purple luv & hugs xo :)
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Re: Re. The Last Betrayal
5th Jul 2018 10:47pm
So glad you enjoyed this, Flower. It takes quite a while for some to get thoroughly fed up, and then "pow!" Thank you!
Re. The Last Betrayal
4th Jul 2018 8:29am
Ah. Vengeance is mine said the betrayed. Been there a few times. Good read, Crowfly.
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Re: Re. The Last Betrayal
5th Jul 2018 10:49pm
Re. The Last Betrayal
5th Jul 2018 8:56pm
Re: Re. The Last Betrayal
5th Jul 2018 10:54pm
I try to throw in a zinger at the end sometimes. Just can't resist. Thanks LilDragonFly!
Re: Re. The Last Betrayal
5th Jul 2018 10:55pm
Love zingers ... I have come to be on the look out for them in your poetry ... always a delight ...
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