in the blue time

 
in the down times
when I can't see you
too occupied with the race
our special moments stolen
I let the thief take them

too busy doing my own thing
forfeiting what is sacred
times when you lie resting
desiring my company

I left you alone
with your favorite porno queen
when I should have pounced on you

forgive me baby

my heart aches
it's unlikely I will be able to change
I see the truth in you
and despise the lies in me
you stand beside me
because it hurts too much to leave

I know you blame yourself
for some of my struggles
you shoulder all the burden
so my mom and children don't suffer

I know you dread telling them
what you already believe
that you failed their daughter
their mother
but honey it's just not true

you are a loyal soldier of the universe
if not for you I would have already derailed
the track we're on was chosen
my addictions were already in motion
long before I knew you

I can't bear the thought of life without you
I can't bear the grief I cause you
being a wife who's half there

baby i'm so very sorry