539+

In a blinding light it came to me atsiprasau it needs to be said
I say to you auf wiedersehen I think it’s clear to me now
It’s killing me deep down so zbogom it’s time for me to let go
I never wanted to do this you should know selamat tinggal

It’s tofa from my heart I have to for me, it’s been 10 years
I married you on 5/4/08 I was never meant say Hamba kahel
When I say ha det it has to be forever just like our vows
I know la revedere hurts me more than it could ever hurt you

I must say it over and over addio till it sinks in to my skull
Just one more time for my sake addiju it’s been said
I’ve dug deep to pull this off so au revoir to you again
Goodbye my old soulmate my ex wife my once friend goodbye.








539+ was written as part of the healing process the number stands for the amount of poems I have written on here the + is I have so many more that I have already written and many more new ones to come 12 different goodbyes partly because my love spans two very different parts of the world and it’s been ten year, there is at least 12 different struggles that I went through as well so yeah some pretty fucked up shit,
From Australia 🇦🇺 to Canada 🇨🇦 deeply in love to going back to Australia broken hearted no place to go with all the games she played just to keep it secret from her family and friends clearly they would never find out about her, I did get to tell her mother but that’s only because her mother accused me of having an affair and that it was her daughter that told her that so being the nice guy that I am I took it and let her keep her clean slate intact,
all my family and friends well most of them gave me the best advice “just get over it” which was not that easy to do this has been 10 long years half drunk the other half hiding from the world as well as hiding from myself all of these different processes that I needed to go through to get to this point, I’ve lost family and friends along the way but my greatest failure was not moving on from your hold which in fact you have no hold on me it’s more me not wanting to let go of what I had still hoping that one day that you’ll wake up to yourself and ask me for forgiveness,
I know this road for me has not just been long it’s not just winding it’s not just mostly up hill and it’s mostly not just a damn heart ache it’s all of the above and more, when I fell for her let me assure you that I fell more than 100% deeply in love I never believed it till I seen her she captured something that no one else had before yes I had been in love but nothing like this she could of done anything and I would of forgiven her that’s how much I loved her now I know that might sound stupid to you and if it does then I am sorry but this is just a little of how I felt how I feel and how I’m overwhelmed by the support here,
Thanks goes out to the ones that messaged me the ones that have helped me the ones that are still helping me ones who are still reading right now the ones that are human enough to care and show compassion for a fellow poet they can see someone who is,

Struggling to breath
Air is thick and grey
Voices loud and clear
Fight is on out of chances

Eruption brewing beneath
Thoughts overloaded
Dreams crushed wayside
Limping hobbling crawling

Out of time, out of luck
Running wild drunkenness
Nasty nightmares overshadows
Monsters at the gates waiting

Say what you want I don’t care
I’ve been judged before today
I’m fighting demons are you?
The world has gone to shit now

My colour fades to black
I await again destiny,s fate
Times up better get my crap together
1, 2, 3, where did I go, hiding all alone.