deepundergroundpoetry.com
A d r i f t
The views are frosted over with the frail,
A winter's chill holds captive bowed sea grass
While shoreline snowdrifts pale,
And whitecaps cast their lines,
The world in hibernation as they pass.
And I, a misplaced journeyman afoot
Adrift so far away my west coast home,
Have come to touch the time
My kith and kin had roamed,
From Scotland, Wales & Nova Scotia's clime.
Yet even though I walk a windswept prow,
I tend to cast my gaze back out to sea
With fervent set of brow
As if to find at last
A ship aground who's cargo waits for me.
Written for and entered in the DUP competition "Photo Inspiration" whose host MadameLavender is the photographer of the image, at Wingaersheek Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts, USA.
A winter's chill holds captive bowed sea grass
While shoreline snowdrifts pale,
And whitecaps cast their lines,
The world in hibernation as they pass.
And I, a misplaced journeyman afoot
Adrift so far away my west coast home,
Have come to touch the time
My kith and kin had roamed,
From Scotland, Wales & Nova Scotia's clime.
Yet even though I walk a windswept prow,
I tend to cast my gaze back out to sea
With fervent set of brow
As if to find at last
A ship aground who's cargo waits for me.
Written for and entered in the DUP competition "Photo Inspiration" whose host MadameLavender is the photographer of the image, at Wingaersheek Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts, USA.
Published 19th Mar 2017
| Edited 24th Feb 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 2
comments 18
reads 971
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
19th Mar 2017 3:38pm
Thank you so much, dear SweetO. It's a meter I haven't used in a long time: 10/10/6/6/10 syllable count, which works well for song lyrics.
19th Mar 2017 5:50pm
19th Mar 2017 7:01pm
I wish I knew the name of this particular meter. When I composed this piece last night, it started as a free verse quatrain. Then, as it developed, the more I wrote, the stanza, line count & syllable count shifted. This is only the 2nd time I've written a poem using this meter, and I like how it sounds in my head, and read aloud. I know my response doesn't succinctly answer your question. If I ever discover what this form is called, I'll definitely let you know.
19th Mar 2017 9:11pm
20th Mar 2017 6:42pm
Thank you so much, dear Es, I very much appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this piece with me.
20th Mar 2017 2:34am
Beautifully written from a beautiful picture, the poem painted the picture, and the picture the poem. Talented piece, Jade
anonshadow😏
anonshadow😏
Thank you, Anon... and I loved translating the inspiration that the photo brought out of me. One of the things I love most to write about is anything to do with the sea.
The poem paints a picture of it's own... As if we are there with you on that beach... I really like the feel this poem has...
Well done, jadey!
Well done, jadey!
I loved the feeling that inspiration gave me, and it's wonderful when readers pick up on it, too. Thanks so much for sharing this, and a place of honor for it on your RL, Tommy.
-sea cat🐚
-sea cat🐚
20th Mar 2017 8:15am
you threw a hitch in my pleasant rambling
when you used 'even' twice in the same line, Jade;
'yet even as I walk with gentle pace' is the 1st edit that came to me.
excellent poetry, nonetheless...
when you used 'even' twice in the same line, Jade;
'yet even as I walk with gentle pace' is the 1st edit that came to me.
excellent poetry, nonetheless...
Thank you, John, for sharing these things with me, yet still appreciating the poem as it stood. The line you brought up is one I was letting simmer in my mine because I knew I wanted to restructure it to be stronger. And when I returned later today and read your comment, I knew that my mind had had time to rethink it, even though I didn't know the results till I reopened the poem and there it was, an entirely revised line that revealed itself, more meaningful to me, as I typed. That sort of thing happens to me all the time. So I invite you to take another ramble and see what you think. And my thanks again.
21st Mar 2017 1:17am
21st Mar 2017 1:29am
20th Mar 2017 10:39am
I like this poem? no I love this one along with the poem in pixels that inspired it. Magical works both!! Credit to you and to Miss Lavender too!! Good art all around!
21st Mar 2017 00:56am
Aahh my dear endless friend! How supportive & lovely you are, and I thank you for what I call the "Trilogy": your comment, the like, & the RL!
20th Mar 2017 9:35pm
I can almost hear the waves breaking... Beautifully written with a glance back at your ancestry. There will be some treasure waiting for you in that cargo.
21st Mar 2017 1:06am
Oh! Thank you so much for your support & enjoyment, my crowfly friend! And you know what? There /is/ precious treasure within the hold; of how you & other readers are drawn to the rhythm of winter wind & sea in this piece.
