deepundergroundpoetry.com
Upon A Wall Sat A Fly
Fly upon the wall
My mirror image
Solitude slumber
Watching everyone
Glued to the hue
A temptress
Of a different color
Spilling your bliss
Over my bouts of
Listless boredom.
My mirror image
Solitude slumber
Watching everyone
Glued to the hue
A temptress
Of a different color
Spilling your bliss
Over my bouts of
Listless boredom.
Published 7th Feb 2017
| Edited 8th Feb 2017
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The author encourages honest critique.
7th Feb 2017 1:46pm
8th Feb 2017 6:15am
Simple poetry is some of the finest in my mind. Glad you liked the simplicity of this piece. ~anonshadow😏
Anonymous
7th Feb 2017 10:19pm
Talk about an observational piece! Most definitely during those hours of boredom we notice things. Interestingly, how acute it is to realize that a fly is nothing but a mirror image, watching us watching him.
If you dont mind a mild suggestion, in the second verse you have too many 'of's, you can easily get rid of one..perhaps in 2 line and just leave it be [a temptress]
If you dont mind a mild suggestion, in the second verse you have too many 'of's, you can easily get rid of one..perhaps in 2 line and just leave it be [a temptress]
8th Feb 2017 6:21am
Indeed, we are looking at them looking at us. Thanks for the suggestion, I agree it makes it tighter. Always happy to see you stop by, Vee. ~anonshadow😏
Anonymous
- Edited 27th Dec 2019 12:45pm
8th Feb 2017 7:51am
<< post removed >>
8th Feb 2017 9:55am
Those sound very much like some of my own personal ponderings, good to know I'm not the only one. Great to see you stop by, Amelia, I greatly appreciate you stopping by for a read. ~anonshadow😏
