My Left is Underhanded, Act 2

Published 01.10. 2012

My Left is Underhanded, Act 2

My Musical Talons
or
So much light to see you by

..

I once read of a woman poet, the most important kind of good soul, that to walk into the sea with your sorrow would kill you, or the sorrow. So in 2004 I drove to the shore, shed all possessions and walked into the ocean.

It had just occurred to me
Something
Fun
To
Do
It was the
Middle of the
Night
Water was
Fucking cold as balls even in summer and OMG
Did you HEAR
Of the STORM HURRICANE?
This did not, thought, good idea, swim into see for
Kicks
No thunder or rain, just windy waters

I left car beside the
Sea
Car
Keys
In pocket of
Pants hidden
Absurdly
If and when I should
Return
Cold I am
Swim out a good piece and just have
Peace
Play jazz
You know?

Unbeknownst to me in 2004 somewhere beyond sight is a hurricane coming like a mother fucker to suck me into the ocean.

Drive under the breaks or take a space to breathe, let it rise and fall as it carries me. Reach calmer seas. I feel warmer. Hair fans out behind me as I float upon the surface.

Lying still in the black waters, I star gazed. Alone. Black waters, stars in skies. I, god's lunatic, want to see the meaning of this moment.

Meaning is found BAM SAYS SHARK NOSE TO BUMP MY POOR TOES
Okay, later I read a shark will bump a still object in the water to see if it
LIVES
And has
BLOOD
I have not PISSED in the water
I consider this and
...
...
...
.
........
Pause

Just let shark go away
Now I am paused a while friends
One minute or five or I dunno how long
In the undertow is a long time
With a hurricane pulling me out into the ocean
Holy shit in the deep water several minutes
Maybe a half mile off shore
SWIM BACK
I do
HOPE
Shark is
GONE
Swim like I am not obese I do
For a long time
....
I did
,,,,,,
MMMMMMMMMM
YESSSSSSSSS!!!!

I fucking swim back onto the beach, just followed the hotel lights, laterally, then inward. Untie the knot. Did not look back for hurricane tug or shark or flotsam or whatever it was that hit me with animal force. Just fucking did it. Made it happen folks. So I get to the beach.

Muscles twitching like lightning. Only minutes before was I lost absolute and utterly to life. Shark dinner or toilet scrubber and toy for hurricane to toss about until rot I become, and fall apart.

Reversed this dumb decision for the love of any that loved me. It felt impossible to gain any ground, at the first. After an exhaustive effort made, I crawled onto the beach.

Muscles twitching like lightning, mind cannot yet comprehend so I lay twitching and moving. Like a fish out of water I am? Yes, not a fish, a man! Lol don’t swim into the ocean folks, at night, with a hurricane off shore.

It won’t be easy to make it back, you might fucking die. I did not. I am power of lunatic try harder.

LUNATIC
ANSWER THE DARE
YOU DID THIS
TRY HARDER

..

I am grateful for those I reach with anything that holds interest for them, or meaning. I can salvage my stupid decisions, at the very least, by relating these tales for you. Just the relevant bits, pulled from the wreckage, cut by ellipsis and pieced together. This is my patchwork cloak. My instrument. My musical talons.

This is my particular discipline. Not unlike yours. What I learned. What I am still learning. A smile, something to laugh about. My random adventures in given god strength to survive a particular moment. The times I was stupid, but lucky. Those few that did not pass oblivious before me.

I am a teacher. A student. A soldier. I teach soldiering, to soldiers, upon the plains and plateaus of the battlefield of the mind. My mind is made up, to challenge quietly, answer back to ugly rumored words or dishonorable conduct of friends once trusted, just by living. Laughing. Honing my discipline. Sometimes smiling.

I live within the narrow beam of light shown to me. Gentle acceptance or tidal fury, I avenger, only. I walk away. I ask you to walk away. Sometimes, I find my way in the dark.

Shining in the night sky, surrounded by black waters. We are beacons to each other in the star ocean. We are the same constellation, only seeming to gutter between disparaging cycles of motion. Rotating clockworks in our orbits. Sometimes illuminated, sometimes oblivious. Now, so much light to see you by.

My Left is Underhanded, Act 2
By Daniel Christensen
Writing as
Daniel Shadow Loveless

Copyright © 2012 by Daniel Christensen. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher.