deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Shadow on the Blind
I thought I saw her shadow on the blind;
I looked again, but there was no-one there -
it must have been a cruel trick of the mind.
I thought I saw her shadow on the blind.
She's lost to memory - yet still I’d swear
I thought I saw her shadow on the blind;
I looked again, but there was no-one there.
I looked again, but there was no-one there -
it must have been a cruel trick of the mind.
I thought I saw her shadow on the blind.
She's lost to memory - yet still I’d swear
I thought I saw her shadow on the blind;
I looked again, but there was no-one there.
Published 21st Jul 2011
| Edited 22nd Jul 2011
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likes 4
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comments 6
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Jul 2011 8:55pm
Nicely done, you managed to capture the notion of coming full circle, to bring your original refrain back into context. Not easy to do, at least from my own limited personal experience.
Didn't really see much to critique here to be honest. The flow was there, the rhyme scheme was there. Job well done.
Didn't really see much to critique here to be honest. The flow was there, the rhyme scheme was there. Job well done.
23rd Jul 2011 1:25am
23rd Jul 2011 10:19am
Thanks guys. It was really an exercise based on Jack Heslop's challenge to write a triolet. After I'd done it I thought, 'Well it's a poem, might as well stick it on the list.' Really interesting challenge, though.
7th Oct 2011 4:21pm
There are things in life that are like shadows behind the blinds. You see them at the corner of your eye and you think them tangible...and yet there is nothing there.
16th Aug 2013 7:53am
Silhouettes can stick with us for soooo long... everything is imagined, nothing revealed. In a sphere of mystery we create worlds. Kick ass work, Comrade!
19th Nov 2013 2:25pm
