deepundergroundpoetry.com
Candles
Cool, aloof, austere,
They stood behind the altar, three and three,
White amid white flowers,
Tall amid tall fronds.
We ministered to them,
Small boys in solemn white and black,
Caught up for this brief time in ritual.
I liked to wield the long pole with the taper,
Carrying the clean, pale flame from wick to wick,
To leave a copy of itself on each, still and small:
One, two, three - one, two, three.
And later, after 'Ite, missa est',
After the faithful had filed silently away,
In the empty, echoing space,
I'd go again bearing the long pole,
Raise high the conical snuffer,
To quench the limpid beauty of the flame
And leave the skeins of blue-grey, fragile smoke
Coiling through the still and fragrant air:
One, two, three - one, two, three.
They stood behind the altar, three and three,
White amid white flowers,
Tall amid tall fronds.
We ministered to them,
Small boys in solemn white and black,
Caught up for this brief time in ritual.
I liked to wield the long pole with the taper,
Carrying the clean, pale flame from wick to wick,
To leave a copy of itself on each, still and small:
One, two, three - one, two, three.
And later, after 'Ite, missa est',
After the faithful had filed silently away,
In the empty, echoing space,
I'd go again bearing the long pole,
Raise high the conical snuffer,
To quench the limpid beauty of the flame
And leave the skeins of blue-grey, fragile smoke
Coiling through the still and fragrant air:
One, two, three - one, two, three.
Published 6th Jul 2011
| Edited 3rd Nov 2016
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The author encourages honest critique.
6th Jul 2011 2:18pm
Although, I kind of get the point, I'm not sure I'm liking the "one, two, three - one, two, three", it reminds me of counting out a waltz. This feels awkward in contrast with the rest of the poem. Perhaps you could just have "one, two, three" and then Latin for "times two" or something like that (purely a suggestion of course).
I like the stillness and calm of this poem. I'm not particularly religious but this puts me in a place of quiet contemplation, much like church. Ordinarily, I'd criticize such a poem for its flat nature i.e. I feel like it doesn't really lead anywhere, however I feel that in this particular case it doesn't have to. It's just a moment in time to contemplate.
Overall, nicely done.
I like the stillness and calm of this poem. I'm not particularly religious but this puts me in a place of quiet contemplation, much like church. Ordinarily, I'd criticize such a poem for its flat nature i.e. I feel like it doesn't really lead anywhere, however I feel that in this particular case it doesn't have to. It's just a moment in time to contemplate.
Overall, nicely done.
6th Jul 2011 4:23pm
Thanks, DB. It's simply a memory of a particular place and time in chidhood. The significance of the 'one, two, three' is that that was what went through my mind as I performed the action. If I'd wanted it to sound like a waltz, I'd have said, 'ONE two-three, ONE two-three'. I was in fact aiming to convey the quiet calm of the church where I was an altar-boy at the age of nine - whatever we become, we can't change what we were.
6th Jul 2011 2:26pm
6th Jul 2011 4:24pm
16th Aug 2013 7:54am
Rising and falling rhythm is present in much of your work and in this simple one, that came to shore like a wave that kind of sway made it run complete.
18th Sep 2013 3:45pm
I enjoyed the poem. It flows off the tongue well and the imagery is vividly clear. All in all I have no complaints.
