bright lights and imaginary fences

You’ve never reached the tips of my fingers
and honestly
I don’t understand your appeal
beyond your Venus beauty
and beguiling smile

I remember the days I couldn’t
even look at your face
without my knees weakening
like candle wax threatening to topple
under the heat of its own flame

Your presence was a burn mark
I couldn’t rid myself of
didn’t want to rid myself of
because you set my dreams on fire
and made me believe in a place
beyond loneliness

Time passes
feelings ebb and flow
in a fickle tide of uncertainty
I love you
I hate you
I can’t look at your sculpted face
without wanting to smash this
world of mirrors
we seem to live in

And perhaps time healed
the rifts I made inside myself
with longing

Day one
you’re nothing

Day two
I’m cracking

Day three
I’m fucked

Because I’m still sweaty palmed
and school girl flushed
under your absent gaze
telling myself this is just
a lingering chemical reaction
of confused circuits in my brain

My imagination in overdrive
daydreaming about kissing you
in the office supply closet
away from the prying eyes of those
who would look down
at my burning finger tips
and judge me for loving
what shouldn’t be mine to love

And I’m not even sure this desire
to hold your bones against mine
is truly love

My hunger less picket fence suburbs
more Adventure Time rendezvous to nowhere
though I know you could never hold
my dreams in your palms
and understand them
when you’re the good girl lifestyle
reincarnated into the retirement village fund
of tomorrow
and I’m the bad girl
desperately trying to be good
like it’ll make me worthy of good girl love
when all I really want is an adventure

© Indie Adams 2015