Post breakup thoughts

  I wish to stop trying to appear interesting to new people
 I am not, none of us are
 Life begins and ends again every day
 within our hollow eyes
 I will not try to solicit your respect
 I do not want to waste my breath
 Yes, I am letting my bitterness speak for me today
 But I agree
 I will write out my anxieties,
 drink gross alcohol because it's available,
 eat excessively and refuse to shower
 I will not think of where I'd take someone on a date,
 what I'm looking for in a fuckbuddy,
 or what it means to recover from letting go
 Click, click, click
 I can't decide if connection is more draining
 than accepting temporary loneliness
 I don't want to ask for help
 because therapy takes money
 And getting out takes time
 Click, click, click
 Tick, tick, tick, tick
 Christ they were beautiful
 Isn't anger beautiful?
 Isn't it beautiful that I'm angry?
 Emotion is an opportunity
 Numbness would mean death
 Click, click, click
 I used to be happy in the month of March
 Can euphoria be calculated, predicted?
 Can I write out a blueprint
 to make every day the best of my life,
 to make rejection cute?
 I have free food today
 I don't need euphoria
 Not at all
 Click.