deepundergroundpoetry.com
Carmen
A collaboration: Magdalena and Alexander Case
Carmen was warm
she was honey
she was snow
silhouettes fell upon amber walls
eyes spluttered twin flames
in soft agitated light
the night trap was set
ajar by the window
where Carmen waited
for the candlelight to snuff it
when darkness found her pane
she doused it in paraffin
marked the seal with a kiss of death
and placed the scarlet flint and propane
at five corners
circled with an infinite line
she inhaled visions of chance and destiny
then let the sleeping acid settle in her stomach
seething in the depths of her chamber
Carmen fell back onto her eiderdown
engulfed in its plush embrace
mascara strained lashes fought
against the pull of the other-world
drawn by fingers of a thief
who broke into her nighttimes
to crush dreams with glass and steel
like a repetitive stroke
from tragic hands of loss and lucky escapes
life pinned down in a place
where her body breathed alone
frozen in the wreckage of refuge
with no connection
the innocence of youth fell like broken wings
thrust down and crumbled into rubble
at her feet
her flightless lover
was torn from her side
summonsed to appear before catastrophe
where he was stolen and reborn
a guardian with nine lives
Carmen is immortal
she is queen
she is stone
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/198390-carmen-magdalena-and-alexander-case/
Carmen was warm
she was honey
she was snow
silhouettes fell upon amber walls
eyes spluttered twin flames
in soft agitated light
the night trap was set
ajar by the window
where Carmen waited
for the candlelight to snuff it
when darkness found her pane
she doused it in paraffin
marked the seal with a kiss of death
and placed the scarlet flint and propane
at five corners
circled with an infinite line
she inhaled visions of chance and destiny
then let the sleeping acid settle in her stomach
seething in the depths of her chamber
Carmen fell back onto her eiderdown
engulfed in its plush embrace
mascara strained lashes fought
against the pull of the other-world
drawn by fingers of a thief
who broke into her nighttimes
to crush dreams with glass and steel
like a repetitive stroke
from tragic hands of loss and lucky escapes
life pinned down in a place
where her body breathed alone
frozen in the wreckage of refuge
with no connection
the innocence of youth fell like broken wings
thrust down and crumbled into rubble
at her feet
her flightless lover
was torn from her side
summonsed to appear before catastrophe
where he was stolen and reborn
a guardian with nine lives
Carmen is immortal
she is queen
she is stone
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/198390-carmen-magdalena-and-alexander-case/
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 11
reading list entries 4
comments 18
reads 1329
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Carmen
25th Mar 2015 11:52am
amazing write - gets an official WOW :-)
there is so much here to love, so many killer lines:
'she inhaled visions of chance and destiny'
'engulfed in its plush embrace'
'to crush dreams with glass and steel like a repetitive stroke'
'the innocence of youth fell like broken wings'
the whole poem is just killer :-)
there is so much here to love, so many killer lines:
'she inhaled visions of chance and destiny'
'engulfed in its plush embrace'
'to crush dreams with glass and steel like a repetitive stroke'
'the innocence of youth fell like broken wings'
the whole poem is just killer :-)
1
re: Re: Carmen
31st Mar 2015 12:57pm
Mr Macleod, thank you for kind words, I'm stoked so many lines stabbed you in such a catastrophic sense, that it felt fatal. 😊
Re: Carmen
25th Mar 2015 9:33pm
You did such a wonderful job with what I gave you Alexander and made it into something dark and beautiful. My kind of place.
So pleased. :)
So pleased. :)
1
re: Re: Carmen
31st Mar 2015 1:02pm
Magdalena, the poem was always going to be dark and beautiful, you gave me the bones for a story that already possessed these qualities, I just did a little Welsh jig [new southern version] around your poem. Thank you for the opportunity to collab with you.
Re: Carmen
Anonymous
26th Mar 2015 9:26am
This is a piece to read and re-read,each line has great impact on me .Its like peeling off layer after layer,bringing the meaning behind the meaning come to life.
Almost mystical,the two of you are so much in tune ,bravo bravo....:):):)
Almost mystical,the two of you are so much in tune ,bravo bravo....:):):)
1
re: Re: Carmen
31st Mar 2015 4:17pm
Le Fay, I'm sooooo pleased you took the time to discover the dark underlying mystics weaved into this poem. Magdalena, is the story teller here, her excellent imagination just sent my imagination spinning into a world of black magic. Thank you so much for your excellent comment.
Re: Carmen
27th Mar 2015 2:41am
re: Re: Carmen
Carmen is into candles, DystopianMelody, she likes big fat burning candles, so she can pour that hot wax on her nipples... just kidding, she'll turn you into a frog and kiss you into a prince. ;)
Thanks for dropping by and for the list add.
Thanks for dropping by and for the list add.
Re: Carmen
28th Mar 2015 7:11pm
This brings to mind Dorothy Dandridge in the movie. CARMEN JONES (1954) ... the first stanza drips DD and how she embraced the lead role.
Great collaboration!
Great collaboration!
1
re: Re: Carmen
Jeezest-Heist, you must be an old bastard, almost lost the internet going back that far in time, but I saw what you meant, Carmen Jones looked like she had a heap of spunk, there appeared to be a lot of hands on the hips stuff too.
Seriously, brotha, thanks for the feedback, I'm stoked the strength of Carmen's character came across, it means Madgda and I got something right in a relatively small space. Salute.
Seriously, brotha, thanks for the feedback, I'm stoked the strength of Carmen's character came across, it means Madgda and I got something right in a relatively small space. Salute.
Re: Carmen
29th Mar 2015 00:26am
beautiful rendition that brings to mind 'The loves of Carmen.' Rita Hayworth's flaw as the gypsy girl was that she smiled too much. your dark Lady knows the true aspect of the name...
1
re: Re: Carmen
31st Mar 2015 5:13pm
A woman without a conscience... "Is that wrong little soldier?" Yes, Carmen comes in all shapes, but often in similar sizes, she is honey, she is snow. You're right about the snow.
Thanks for your cool comment Mr Feddeler, I enjoyed the trip back in silver screen time.
Thanks for your cool comment Mr Feddeler, I enjoyed the trip back in silver screen time.
Re: Carmen
29th Mar 2015 3:56pm
Case, read this in Mag's pages, its quite a stunning piece... well done u both fr a collab where poetic styles of u two hav done grt justice in the flow.
wud like to paste my own words of feedbk given on Mag's page:)
" Quite speechless...having the effect of a dark surrealistic setting where an intense n v.earthly emotive love however brutal n sad n dark, gets tactfully juxtaposed in strange worlds n outerworlds of dream, death, rebirth, immortality n whatnot..by you two brilliant poets! The free structure quite suits the required flow, the opening n ending are quite striking. Very deeply constructed lines all over, but these ones caught me more, "circled with an infinite line" n the whole stanza as beliw juz stands my fav (seems v.much of one of my own many strange dream dejavus)
"Carmen fell back onto her eiderdown
engulfed in its plush embrace
mascara strained lashes fought
against the pull of the other-world
drawn by fingers of a thief
who broke into her nighttimes
to crush dreams with glass and steel
like a repetitive stroke
from tragic hands of loss and lucky escapes"
juz a masterpiece frm u two..my bows to Mag n Case,.. (And guess what nw, u had made me hungry fr my own collab poem ever, thou wouldnt be of your such grt outcomes)
Tq Mag n Case fr de share:) xx "
wud like to paste my own words of feedbk given on Mag's page:)
" Quite speechless...having the effect of a dark surrealistic setting where an intense n v.earthly emotive love however brutal n sad n dark, gets tactfully juxtaposed in strange worlds n outerworlds of dream, death, rebirth, immortality n whatnot..by you two brilliant poets! The free structure quite suits the required flow, the opening n ending are quite striking. Very deeply constructed lines all over, but these ones caught me more, "circled with an infinite line" n the whole stanza as beliw juz stands my fav (seems v.much of one of my own many strange dream dejavus)
"Carmen fell back onto her eiderdown
engulfed in its plush embrace
mascara strained lashes fought
against the pull of the other-world
drawn by fingers of a thief
who broke into her nighttimes
to crush dreams with glass and steel
like a repetitive stroke
from tragic hands of loss and lucky escapes"
juz a masterpiece frm u two..my bows to Mag n Case,.. (And guess what nw, u had made me hungry fr my own collab poem ever, thou wouldnt be of your such grt outcomes)
Tq Mag n Case fr de share:) xx "
1
re: Re: Carmen
2nd Apr 2015 3:33pm
For me, writing poetry is about capturing that moment of inspiration and putting it into words, it's all about the process of expression, and that's why I enjoy writing collabs with other poets, it's great to get that insight in their writing process, how inspiration hits them and how they respond.
Writing with Magdalena was very easy, she has a great imagination and very powerful with her imagery, which suits my style, because I'm very visual when I convey thoughts into words. I think we even find inspiration when we drive on the road, which is exactly how much of Carmen was written in my head, while at the wheel.
Thanks Uma for your great feedback and very kind words. You never know, we could be writing a collab one day.
Writing with Magdalena was very easy, she has a great imagination and very powerful with her imagery, which suits my style, because I'm very visual when I convey thoughts into words. I think we even find inspiration when we drive on the road, which is exactly how much of Carmen was written in my head, while at the wheel.
Thanks Uma for your great feedback and very kind words. You never know, we could be writing a collab one day.
Re: Carmen
24th Apr 2015 9:53pm
silhouettes fell upon amber walls
eyes spluttered twin flames
in soft agitated light
Perfect image with great use of words.Liked.
life pinned down in a place
where her body breathed alone
frozen in the wreckage of refuge
with no connection
Meaningful lines with a great maturity and zeal.
The poem is a masterpiece.
mcjay
eyes spluttered twin flames
in soft agitated light
Perfect image with great use of words.Liked.
life pinned down in a place
where her body breathed alone
frozen in the wreckage of refuge
with no connection
Meaningful lines with a great maturity and zeal.
The poem is a masterpiece.
mcjay
1
Re: Carmen
26th Aug 2015 1:53pm
Damn, mcjay! Thanks for the awesome feedback, stoked you liked the collab so much. :)
Re. Carmen
19th Aug 2015 9:20am
The transformation for the character was epic throughout, guided and easy for the reader to keep up with the two of you. You both worked extremely well together. I was engaged from beginning to end, literally. Thank you for the effort and for sharing.
1
Re: Re. Carmen
26th Aug 2015 2:25pm
Thanks Ms Banks, I'm stoked you liked the protagonist's transformation in the opening and closing stanzas and story in between. It was great writing with Magdalena I hope we get another opportunity to collaborate again. Thanks again for dropping by and for your great feedback.