cease of existence

I wake up hating myself a little more
I go to sleep in hopes it'll end all the gore
I don't hope for the best
It’s too much to digest
The loss at which cost is devoid of my lore

Midday my awareness comes crashing within
Shaking my nothingness with its bloated putrid whims
It pins down my head
Forced to see all I've bled
Inset to regret such a phony calloused grin

Asunder from feelings I recite as fantasies
Debated in the wakes of past vacancies
It clashes to my rind
Elated in due time
A crime of tryin’ for loves pleasantries

In a calm I lie as I drain away from me
As my arm did divide I felt a sudden rush of clean
Reaching out in doubt
For existence’s lowly clout
I escape this fate of my life’s quarreled means