outside the ocean of four walls

I can smell the ocean
compounding the rank smell of death
there are bones in my bed
and broken sea shells in my head

The voices took me under like a riptide
told me we could rule the world together
if only I’d surrender to the wounds
they inflicted on my crumpling bones
my flesh baked empty by the sun
like petrified corpses on the beach

I’ve become own worst enemy
all sharp edges and elongated spines
of self-destruction
and they’re still there
looking back at me in the mirror
telling me I’m doing it right
that the road of beauty
is paved with pain and sleepless nights
my wrists red with my betrayal
overwhelmed by their seductions
that promised angel wings
on the other side of my skeleton wire frame

I thought it would be easy
trying to find heaven in the erosion
of my stomach lining
placing my faith in the voices
in my head
confusing reality with sweet
promising madness

I’m limp, lank, coat hanger wire strung
across my own body  
staring out the barred up window
swearing I can smell the corpses
of fish piling up outside
and they whisper freedom
in the life breath asphyxiation
though I'm nowhere near the ocean

It’s 5pm, time for dinner
and I’m forced to face the white walls
of the prison outside my own head

When they tell me there’s fish
on the menu
I know for sure
that I won’t be eating tonight
and the voices win again

© Indie Adams 2014

Note: This would have been my entry for Case's Random Poem comp if I hadn't missed the cut off date... by a few weeks :/

Group 1
Genre: Self Poem
Location: Institute for the insane
Object: Fish