This is my freedom (could-have-been's)

It starts and ends on a bus
with too much room for speculation
(perhaps the universe is telling me
it’s time to buy a car)

They laugh, talk too loudly
I crank my iPod, ignore
the things I can’t quite hear

I’m no good at being
the centre of attention
least of all when I’m being
groomed for a beating

I can feel her breath on
the back of my neck
deliberate
like the wind

She says something to her
friends that I can’t make out
and their laughter chokes
the music in my ear

I pretend I am elsewhere
pretend I can’t feel
her intention bristling on my skin
I know where this leads - I’ve lived here

She’s too close to my seat
her breath cool on my fear-heated skin
I turn and say “hi”
she laughs and does it again
as her friends snigger
from the other side of the bus

I lean forward and hit button to get off
when I stand they don’t follow
and today I get off the bus alone
shaking with the could-have-been’s

© Indie Adams 2014