the thing about pessimism

Fuck you and your optimism
you can’t tell me that everything
that goes wrong does so
for a reason
and that all these hardships
will make me a better person
they’re not making me a better person
they’re just making me a tired one
a tired one without hope

And perhaps I had to lose all hope
for the floor to open up and swallow me whole
only I didn’t find hell on the other side
just more doors with dark corridors
that lead to places unknown

Because I’ve lost count of all the locked doors
all the broken handles and busted lights
I’ve lost count of all the empty words
of “stay positive” and “keep trying”
while I painted a smile on my face
and braved the dreamless streets
only to waste my time
on empty words of “hi, my name is…”
thanks for ignoring me

And the thing about being a pessimist
is that you don’t expect to find doors
let alone doors with handles
that actually open and reveal a room
where the lights are on
and you’re not about to be attacked
by a pack of wild animals
baying for your blood

Every achievement is a surprise
like an accidental Christmas
where your drunk uncle didn’t try and cop a feel
and all your presents weren’t so shit
you spent the whole day wishing you could
just donate them to charity already
while you cut and pasted a magazine smile
to your head and hope no one noticed
it wasn’t yours

Pessimism is the art expecting the worst
and smiling when you don’t get it
(and sometimes smiling when you do
because life is ironic that way)

And if life has taught me anything
it’s that positive thinking
doesn’t get you what you want
hope doesn’t pay the bills
dreaming doesn’t make dreams come true
and hard work doesn’t necessarily pay off

So fuck you and your optimism
I’d rather be a surprised pessimist
when things go right for a change

© Indie Adams 2014