deepundergroundpoetry.com
Daughter of the dust
Daughter of the dust and the sigh that shifts the ashes.
Prisoner of the broken streetlight and patchwork blankets.
Families of drunken splotches cloud my vision overcast
as I tiptoe the line of consciousness, don't fall off.
Weather men warn of storms,
a match is lit.
Roots branch down from heaven in jagged outlets of radiance,
water droplets forming streams which meander through
cement valleys to plunge into gutters.
A concrete, water drumming, symphony.
I find it strange that as years pass,
the air still bites as sharp as before.
Silence lets go of his breath as the
sun rises groggily over the horizon,
birds opening bleary eyes to serenade
the new day.
My soul burns a hungry warmth,
urging fire into my veins.
I am ready to live,
as dust blows away with this new wind.
I will build a home.
Prisoner of the broken streetlight and patchwork blankets.
Families of drunken splotches cloud my vision overcast
as I tiptoe the line of consciousness, don't fall off.
Weather men warn of storms,
a match is lit.
Roots branch down from heaven in jagged outlets of radiance,
water droplets forming streams which meander through
cement valleys to plunge into gutters.
A concrete, water drumming, symphony.
I find it strange that as years pass,
the air still bites as sharp as before.
Silence lets go of his breath as the
sun rises groggily over the horizon,
birds opening bleary eyes to serenade
the new day.
My soul burns a hungry warmth,
urging fire into my veins.
I am ready to live,
as dust blows away with this new wind.
I will build a home.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 18
reading list entries 4
comments 30
reads 1402
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Daughter of the dust
What a clever poem-working at two levels and in two rhythms.
The quick read conveys the desolate woman, what she faces and how she will fight. The slow read highlights the amazing, intoxicating sequence of words- jagged outlets of radiance, sun rises groggily, my soul burns a hungry warmth- are just three.
And then the quite abrupt change of rhythm in the last two lines of each stanza allows the reader to sober up a little.
A wonderful achievement.
The quick read conveys the desolate woman, what she faces and how she will fight. The slow read highlights the amazing, intoxicating sequence of words- jagged outlets of radiance, sun rises groggily, my soul burns a hungry warmth- are just three.
And then the quite abrupt change of rhythm in the last two lines of each stanza allows the reader to sober up a little.
A wonderful achievement.
3
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 5:43pm
Thank you, Marthard! I'm glad you enjoyed it,
I had an internal debate over whether or not to
post it, but now i'm glad I did :)
I had an internal debate over whether or not to
post it, but now i'm glad I did :)
re: re: Re: Daughter of the dust
As first to make a comment, I rushed in to send the message to any who viewed the comment first . This is a great poem. Read it carefully and you will be rewarded immensely-except I overcomplicated it.
On reflection I think it is even better since I now assume the wonderful strings of words in the second stanza are the hallucinatory visions of the woman whose condition had distorted her sensory perceptions. It is a truly great poem- the best of yours I have read
On reflection I think it is even better since I now assume the wonderful strings of words in the second stanza are the hallucinatory visions of the woman whose condition had distorted her sensory perceptions. It is a truly great poem- the best of yours I have read
1
re: re: re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 7:29pm
Thank you (again), it's always great
to receive comments like yours.
I'm honored you think it's my best
you've read :)
to receive comments like yours.
I'm honored you think it's my best
you've read :)
Re: Daughter of the dust
Anonymous
3rd Jun 2013 10:52pm
Awesome and different, I got a warm and a little uplifting feel with this write. Cool scenery. Like like like:)
Its morning here and slip knot were the birds chirping lol
Its morning here and slip knot were the birds chirping lol
1
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 5:43pm
Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 00:31am
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 5:44pm
Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 1:18am
Awesome. I knew it would be great with a title like that
You never cease to amaze me :) one day ill be reading your published work.
You never cease to amaze me :) one day ill be reading your published work.
1
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 6:07pm
Thank you! I plan to buy myself some time,
to start wandering into the world of
publishing.
to start wandering into the world of
publishing.
Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 2:24am
I like it.
This could be a short story or a novel
but then the mood and the message would be lost.
I like it just the way it is.
It makes me feel sad and hopeful all at the same time.
;)
This could be a short story or a novel
but then the mood and the message would be lost.
I like it just the way it is.
It makes me feel sad and hopeful all at the same time.
;)
1
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 7:06pm
Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 4:56am
"Roots branch down from heaven in jagged outlets of radiance,
water droplets forming streams which meander through
cement valleys to plunge into gutters."<---JUST GORGEOUS!
Wow! The entire poem is so cleverly and brilliantly created! Wow! Xoxo
water droplets forming streams which meander through
cement valleys to plunge into gutters."<---JUST GORGEOUS!
Wow! The entire poem is so cleverly and brilliantly created! Wow! Xoxo
1
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 7:07pm
Re: Daughter of the dust
Anonymous
4th Jun 2013 5:10am
A fascinating poem, Scribbler! One of the most beautiful opening lines I have seen in any poem. The lines that follow, too, are masterfully written. Applaud you, Poet. Very well done & very much enjoyed the read! :)
Carlene
Carlene
1
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 7:08pm
Re: Daughter of the dust
Anonymous
4th Jun 2013 7:35am
Wonderful poem,Scribbler, it felt like a journey, a journey through Life and a journey to the levels beyond life. One of your best Id say!!!!
1
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 7:09pm
Anonymous
- Edited 1st May 2021 7:46am
4th Jun 2013 8:52am
<< post removed >>
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 7:09pm
Re: Daughter of the dust
Anonymous
4th Jun 2013 6:54pm
I love the mood of this piece, Scribbler, all of it. And still, one line struck even above the whole:
"as I tiptoe the line of consciousness, don't fall off."
The tension is palpable. Loved your use of the italics to emphasize the feeling. Worked beautifully!
"as I tiptoe the line of consciousness, don't fall off."
The tension is palpable. Loved your use of the italics to emphasize the feeling. Worked beautifully!
1
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 7:10pm
Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 8:19pm
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
4th Jun 2013 8:32pm
Re: Daughter of the dust
5th Jun 2013 3:17am
The perception of moods in this is amazing, but I found it uplifting, because I smiled at the end, wonderful writing, truly an artist :)
1
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
5th Jun 2013 6:14am
Re: Daughter of the dust
9th Jun 2013 3:58am
Re: Daughter of the dust
13th Jun 2013 1:36am
re: Re: Daughter of the dust
13th Jun 2013 5:41pm