"My omega,my alpha"

why must i continue to live this life?
why does god keep me alive?
i am a failure.
i am a loser.
i am a fuck up.
i am shit.
i am worthless.
i am nothing.
everything i come into contact with turns into shit.
everyone i know hates and dispises me.
everyone knows so far all of the above is true.
i hate this life.
i have no meaningfull purpose to continue living.
i'm so disgusted with myself.
i have no blame on others for this fucked up life of mine.
i blame myself completely.
i don't seek your pity.
i don't want any damn handouts from you.
i don't expect you to understand a damn word i'm speaking on.
point blank i hate everything there is about myself.
i'm ugly.
i'm fat.
i'm gross.
i'm dumb.
i'm fucked in the head.
why does god continue to allow me to live when i hate life?
i know that god know's how much i don't care to live anymore.
i don't wanna continue on with this fucked up life i live.
my lord,my god,everyday i ask what is my destiny?
i have very few friends.
i have a family that has no love for me.
i'm so damn tired.
i'm so damn sick and tired of being sick and tired.
just because i have a hatred toward myself doesn't mean i don't love.
i have love.
for my family.
for my friends.
for the people of the world.
i do love.
i also hate.
just myself though,and all that i have done to fuck up my life.
i have no drive.
i have no self esteem.
i haven't any will power to continue on.
tired of the hurt.
tired of the pain.
tired of the drama.
tired of the agony.
tired of this.
tired of that.
tired of the mental stress i have built upon myself.
will you,my family,my friends.
will you forgive me for this psychotic way of thinking i have inflicted upon myself?
will you forgive me for all the pain & suffering i have caused you all?
will you forgive me for doing what i'm thinking of doing?
will you still have love for me after i leave this world?
will you always remember me after i leave this world?
if i shall leave this world without whispering a fond farewell.
grieve not for these lips that god has stilled.
just remember me with love.
pray for my soul's journey to that fair land beyond lifes tears.
it may be lonely,and i hope you'll miss me just a little.
i have loved so dearly.