Point The errors In this pOem!

Let's begin
with a grin
an excercise
in criticize

The challenge is thrown
with ego much grown.
I dare you find a fault
not bringin' flow to halt

count them down
make me frown
how many flaws?
inside ya claws?

shred it,rip it tear it apart
Ready, for post mortem
in the  name of art



Author's note:-

A humble request to the peers with knowledge and well intended(not necessarily well mannered) advice to point the number of flaws in the poem above and don't hold back.
Gimme a count of flaws you see, that'll be silver, the faults themselves that'll be gold, the suggestions /correct version of the poem including flaws of the form flow would be beyong valuable!
All this is, is an excercise in demonstration to those friends who had asked for honest critique or feedback re improvement and haven't recieved it or are too afraid to ask for help openly. Let us see how an amatuer scribble can be fixed and see/remind selves of common/basic errors in writing we make/see.

I could've posted it in the critique me thread- but don't wana make it personal to anyone- intention is to keep it neutral and like a frog on a dissection table. So please come with your scalpels and sorry  no chloroform is provided/required.

Thank  You!
KDAmB

this sounds like one of my rhymes
fuck the spellcheck and gramatical crimes
maybe the fuckups are for dramatic effect
or maybe i lack a certain intellect

to be fair not a fan of a dissolution of words
text-speak I view like a bag of turds
and as to orwells doubleplusgood
guess all is not well in the hood

as society crumbles so does the syntax
DID I HIT CAPSLOCK HERE ARE THE FACTS
vent your words in any way you can share
fuck the gramma police they are so unfair

Tell your story or observation regardless
"fuck what do I rhyme with regardless"
bollocks sometimes you have to fuck the paradigm
share your words it aint no crime

dont let the petty critics get you down
when they grill you on whats a verb or a noun
and try to belittle the honest words please dont despair
remember its easy to mock, not that easy to share


oh did i miss a comma or 2
fuck i am textspeekin now

fuck what do i need to do to become a tyrant of turds?

copy, paste and spellcheck every awesome share I read.

"I loved your work but to be fair the overall theme was ruined for me because you missed a comma in the fourth verse"

nah i think i would make a bad tyrant of turds considering i cant spell for shit. Praise the lord for word when i can actually remember to use it.

fuck word anyway

"use more concise language"

NOPE

thebladeartist said:this sounds like one of my rhymes
fuck the spellcheck and gramatical crimes
maybe the fuckups are for dramatic effect
or maybe i lack a certain intellect

to be fair not a fan of a dissolution of words
text-speak I view like a bag of turds
and as to orwells doubleplusgood
guess all is not well in the hood

as society crumbles so does the syntax
DID I HIT CAPSLOCK HERE ARE THE FACTS
vent your words in any way you can share
fuck the gramma police they are so unfair

Tell your story or observation regardless
"fuck what do I rhyme with regardless"
bollocks sometimes you have to fuck the paradigm
share your words it aint no crime

dont let the petty critics get you down
when they grill you on whats a verb or a noun
and try to belittle the honest words please dont despair
remember its easy to mock, not that easy to share


oh did i miss a comma or 2
fuck i am textspeekin now

Thank You for responding and your lyrical reply my friend! respect your views!
Here just wanna make it crystal clear, this thread ain't about being a poetry snob or enforcing one particular view, and there are countless other threads prior to this which deal with how to and how not to, however, this is just about COMMON ERRORS we see and make and remind selves about how to keep the errors off our works.



thebladeartist said:fuck what do i need to do to become a tyrant of turds?

copy, paste and spellcheck every awesome share I read.

"I loved your work but to be fair the overall theme was ruined for me because you missed a comma in the fourth verse"

nah i think i would make a bad tyrant of turds considering i cant spell for shit. Praise the lord for word when i can actually remember to use it.

fuck word anyway

"use more concise language"

NOPE

I don't see any harm in someone pointing out errors in written scripture, that wouldn't actually for me be a critique,  that is akin to someone pointing out to me there's a bit of food in my beard. Should I take that as a critique of my handsomeness? 'course not.  

again..this is about letting ourselves, reminding ourselves about  simple errors that creep into works.

I appreciate your views and responding to this call

oh shit you are right!

there is a fragment of pizza in my beard on my profile picture.

thanks for pointing that out i will eat that presently.

Fair enough you say you are not being a poetry snob.
your words not mine.

I think you are.

and how or how not to share your words.

is the fact that folk are brave enough to share the most important thing, really?

Maybe i am nieve and cant spell that well.
or maybe i am being deliberately naive

Thats fine, just be honest. Dont bullshit.
Anyone who reads the FlAwS Of ThE PoEm will probably think what i think, fuck do I need to spellcheck my vent before i attempt to share my words.

I am not trying to start some foolish, pointless internet debate with you but seriously reread your script.

it comes off as really diminishing towards other folks work.

whats the deal with the poem with the point scoring system?

Explain that to me because to be honest that came off as really cruel, dismissive and shitty.
Maybe I got it all wrong and if I did i will be the first person to apologise.

Seriously explain it to me and if I got it wrong i will apologise

but i aint going to spellcheck it first

Oh and just out of interest what does this remark mean?

"Let us see how an amatuer scribble can be fixed"

G'day matey! welcome wholeheartedly again your honest views.

There is a reason for this, I apologise to you personally and every single soul to whom this came across as cruel, dismissive or shitty despite my attempt to be exactly opposite to that. You getting it wrong will mean I am insisting I was right. This is not about saying I am right. There must be some inadequacy in my request that it came across you the way it did.
The fact that to you it comes across as  diminsihing towards other folks is a sad one for me as the request was intended as equal asking another equal.
None is or was asking to not post anything with these, this is for people interested in more than just venting their feelings- they have every right to EXPRESS the way they want to.

Again- my apologies for  not getting my point across adequately/properly. The point scoring system? there is none- it was a poor way of saying the more you could help  the better.

As for being a poetry snob, if you think I am then who am I to force upon you to change your view? you got every right to your opinion right or wrong it's not mine. My words- remember them bro- I am not a poet, no way near one, by a long shot. I do not intend to make it personal for self or anyone else, that is the reason I haven't put it in the critique me thread. Saw, stuff getting too personal there. It'd help if we avoid getting personal with anyone.

most important thing yes- it is indeed the most important thing that people are brave enough to share- I have stated the exact same thing many a times before. Couldn't agree more with you on that. Just would like to emphasise this is an attempted reminder for ourselves to improve/rectify common errors.

I respect your right to hold your views and I believe it is right for you to say as you see. No apologies needed, the wording was inadequate as it is clear that it came across you the opposite way it was intended.

much respect
KDAmB

Author's note:-

A humble request to the peers with knowledge and well intended(not necessarily well mannered) advice to point the number of flaws in the poem above and don't hold back.
Gimme a count of flaws you see, that'll be silver, the faults themselves that'll be gold, the suggestions /correct version of the poem including flaws of the form flow would be beyong valuable!
All this is, is an excercise in demonstration to those friends who had asked for honest critique or feedback re improvement and haven't recieved it or are too afraid to ask for help openly. Let us see how an amatuer scribble can be fixed and see/remind selves of common/basic errors in writing we make/see.

I could've posted it in the critique me thread- but don't wana make it personal to anyone- intention is to keep it neutral and like a frog on a dissection table. So please come with your scalpels and sorry  no chloroform is provided/required.

Thank  You!
KDAmB

This too shall pass. Ubuntu

"Just would like to emphasise this is an attempted reminder for ourselves to improve/rectify common errors"

i would like a silver star at least

run  out of likker an chloraform

its cool "friend"

I will share your ideas

with all my friends

what ideas mate?

Hullo

flaws is probably a bad word..

anyhow, your syllable acceleration causes pause at the end of the first 6s line. comma needs direction on line one of the last

I don't see any common errors except for those. though the line "in ya claws"  could be one

"All this is, is an excercise in demonstration to those friends who had asked for honest critique or feedback re improvement and haven't recieved it or are too afraid to ask for help openly. Let us see how an amatuer scribble can be fixed and see/remind selves of common/basic errors in writing we make/see.

I could've posted it in the critique me thread- but don't wana make it personal to anyone- intention is to keep it neutral and like a frog on a dissection table. So please come with your scalpels and sorry  no chloroform is provided/required."

"Thank  You!
KDAmB"

"Let's begin
with a grin
an excercise
in criticize

The challenge is thrown
with ego much grown.
I dare you find a fault
not bringin' flow to halt

count them down
make me frown
how many flaws?
inside ya claws?

shred it,rip it tear it apart
Ready, for post mortem
in the  name of art "

lepperochan said:Hullo

flaws is probably a bad word..

anyhow, your syllable acceleration causes pause at the end of the first 6s line. comma needs direction on line one of the last

I don't see any common errors except for those. though the line "in ya claws"  could be one


First things first, Welcome dear Craic! Sincerely many thanks for your response.

Agreed 100% flaws ain't the proper word- the title now stands edited and I  believe 'errors' is more of a suitable word. What do you reckon?

yes, your'e right again(hate to say it), and did never think of such a thing  before you pointed out - re syllable acceleration.

I reckon there's a few more common errors Craic. Yes the comma and the  split line  are indeed errors in script.

thebladeartist said:Oh and just out of interest what does this remark mean?

"Let us see how an amatuer scribble can be fixed"

matey, just relax, chill out I say- no need to get either personal or emotional. The example I have put up there is my writing- I  can call it what I want.  Yes I see it as an amatuerish scribble- you see what you see  and have the full liberty to keep your perspective. I see a high-horse sitting undertone in your response- if you do not intend to keep it apersonal then I reserve the right to ignore your responses.