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Point The errors In this pOem!

rabbitquest
Dangerous Mind
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asparagus*

KDAmB
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PsycoticMastermind said:I am currently participating in a challenge in which in depth critique is involved. I encountered a rather simple poem that possessed an unnecessary comma making for a confusing statement.

Shit like this matters to writers who are trying to become better writers. Better writing results in poems that are read more than once because they were well crafted, rather than because they were a confusing mess


Welcome Dear Psycotic M!

I thank you for your coming in and sharing with us your opinion and I'm glad to both see you here and agree with your re- why and to whom stuff like this matters. Straight to the jugular there!!

Thanks once again, will reply a bit more with our well regarded peer here Anna's point's.

regards
KDAmB

KDAmB
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anna_grin said:Let's begin
with a grin off to a good start tbh
an excercise wouldn't of knowed w/o spellchecker but that is INCORRECT MY FREN
in criticize grammar thrown to the four corners for the sake of a rhyming couplet is not shakespeare, savvy?

The challenge is thrown
with ego much grown. inconsistent full stop
I dare you find a fault inconsistent prosody
not bringin' flow to halt with the toe of my boot i will

count them down
make me frown use ur capitals correctly or not @all
how many flaws?
inside ya claws? two question marks?? really?? antagonistic tho nice

shred it,rip it tear it apart *cough* comma *cough*
Ready, for post mortem *large cough expunging black cigarette bile* COMMAS FUCKIT FUCKYOU COMMAS* ALSO post-mortem is usually a compound word but since language is in entropy
in the  name of art the elongated pause would be better suited before 'art' imho

all in all a fairly boring poem with some obviously deliberate errors chucked in, an unimpressive offering with little to no sentimental involvement (to ease the criticism)

thats what this thread is for you gowls have at it


Hole in one Anna!

I welcome your dissection and point by point thorough explanation of the errors. Some obvious and some subtle and some I didn't even know I put them there tbh.

I believe you have more than answered my request here. Pointing out common errors like spellings, misplaced comma's, upside down grammar, enforced rhyme, irregular/improper use of caps and misplaced pausing(I agree with ya the last point as well).

Cannot thank you enough for taking the time, answering my request in demonstrating the simple errors in a snap of a finger. Much gratitude.

Kind regards
KDAmB

KDAmB
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anna_grin said:some people like classical some people like thrash metal but both must be formed with all cells intact to be a functioning organism


well said Anna! functioning organism- I get form it -doing what it's maker intended i.e. successfully delivering as intended or doing it's job pretty well. Psycotic said the same. Agree with ya both!

Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
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Wow, looks like Anna & Psycotic covered all four corners - nothing I or anyone else needs to add, so off I go! ;-D

KDAmB
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Jade-Pandora said:Wow, looks like Anna & Psycotic covered all four corners - nothing I or anyone else needs to add, so off I go! ;-D

slippery Tiger!

Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
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KDAmB said:

slippery Tiger!

rawrrr!

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