The Words I Never Said

One entry per poet.
The poem can be either free verse or have a rhyme scheme.
These words are mandatory to use:
-Lost
-Kill
-Broken
-Dream
-Tears
-Faith

http://media.salon.com/2012/12/shocked_gay_rect.jpg



THE WORDS I NEVER SAID


For the first three years of our marriage
I thought I had won the lottery
Every dream a girl could have
You gave it to me

In the last year of our marriage
You killed the dream and broke my heart
My faith in you fell apart
As my tears could not stop

You took the sacrament of marriage
And used it to blend in
You never even apologized
For your very large sin

The words that I never said
Were said by my mother
She asked if doing a human experiment
Was permissible on another

You thought you could slip through
Say we would always be friends
That is the biggest lie divorced people do
Because you cannot be friends
When you no longer can say to me:
“I love you and I loved you”

Awesome entry! Thanks for getting this started.

Should Have


I should have said I was scared...

that my dream was all I had left
that I'd been broken so long, alone
I'd forgotten how to lean on another

should have told you I'd cry
missing your company
tears of frustration, confusion
that the mask I wore
in front of you
looked brave and strong
but behind it, I was lost

It would have made a difference
if I'd had faith enough in anything
to reach out a hand
ask you to kill the disease
that still ravaged my mind
the scourge of disillusionment
they'd all been feeding me
since birth
If only I'd said
just a few words

when I quietly watched us dissolve
and you drive away
asking me why

but, we'll never know
because I couldn't spit it out
that everything and one I'd loved
was no longer around

only me, petrified of life
of losing, staying a nobody
with nothing, just to die


I'm sorry I couldn't say it
and let go

Full of Grace

You have had your fingers in my soul,  
Since I was a boy &  
Are the most ethereally beautiful woman  
I have ever seen.  
 
I have traveled this world  
In search of beauty and love  
& have never felt so moved  
By any other human face.  
 
I now know why all throughout my life,  
I have run from you,  
the thought of loving you,  
& being near your light.  
 
Your magnificent presence of being,  
a force of love and Art,  
Of a nurturing, miraculous center of Om.  
 
It is because  
That if I ever had or lost you:  
 
Ever had known the heights to which two humans  
Could experience utter and complete knowing.  
 
Ever had known the pleasures  
Of flesh and sweat,  
To the extent of euphoricly dangerous ecstacy.  
 
Ever had known such familial oneness,  
As to cease being an indivisual consumer  
Of energy & space.  
 
And then to have to face  
The tortuous reality of loss,  
On such a scale, that would rival armageddon.  
 
And be banished,  
To the profanely cold existence  
Of the lover who lost,  
But had tasted such sweet manna.  
 
And be damned  
To the lowest scale of existence,  
That of the architect of one's own doom.  
 
You see,  
Our end,  
Through my doing or yours,  
Would have been the end of me.  
 
I could not have afforded the risk,  
I was and am a coward,  
Afraid of my own potential to transcend.  
 
The obscene conditioning  
Of my profession,  
Unable to tear the black murderous thread  
I have let be woven into my soul,  
That is,  
My skill and ability,  
To kill another human.  
 
Why? You might ask,  
Do I share this with you,  
Decades after we were closer than now......  
 
It is immature and improper,  
Unfaithful and uncalled for,  
Maybe, indeed....but I am no longer afraid.  
 
You see Death has stode near me here,  
Leaving burned footprints all around me...  
I am no longer afraid.  
 
And do not ask anything of you  
Other than to read  
these words, and know previously unspoken truths.  
 
If for nothing more,  
Than to humor, an old coward,  
Who ran from his destiny,  
& denied his dreams.  
 
Who drowned the better Angels of his nature,  
In their own tears of anguish!  
 
After signing on with the Blue Machine,  
That drops death from the Heavens.  
 
Onto children in wrong clothes,  
Who go to wrong places of worship,  
Who speak wrong languages,  
& spend wrong monies.  
 
Whose parents heed wrong laws,  
In wrong cities,  
wear wrong clothes,  
That paid dividends to wrong stock holders.  
 
Who invested in wrong companies,  
Who display wrong loyalties,  
Who love in wrong ways,  
In wrong family structures.  
 
And now, stands,  
In the wake of his own awakening,  
At the end of his health & sanity.  
 
Know this hidden truth,  
Then forget it,  
The magic is only in this telling,  
The theory is stronger  
Than the practice.  
 
I do not wish for a new destiny,  
Mine is written &  
Does not allow for editing,  
The script is final.  
 
I only hope now that you may feel,  
A small flicker of heat  
From love never given,  
& a love never lost.  
 
You remain the bittersweet memory,  
& truly, as Buckley said:  
"a tear, that hangs inside my soul......forever"

-Lost
-Kill
-Broken
-Dream
-Tears
-Faith

said i would kill faith and die young
but not like ke$ha, not with glitter.
said i'd dream tears for the broken, but
only for those whose eyes are too beaten to cry
lost what i was going to say,
lost it somewhere between timelapse       and suicide

Words Unspoken

There are words unsaid
There are thoughts unshared
There are wishes unfulfilled
Strewn on the pathway
Of my Lost life with you

I wish
I said ‘I love You’ more
Or ‘welcome home
How was your day’
Or ‘you look good today’

I wish
I said ‘you are my cog
The centre of my life’
‘I love your aftershave’
‘Love me, tonight’

The bond we had was Broken
The Dream to cherish forever
To Kill the Faith was so easy
Just indifference and coldness
Brought silent Tears to our pillows

~~ Boo Fucking Hoo~~
I didn't say them,
you were to far away to hear anyways
broken, I stood there

fuck tears, I sobbed
faith means nothing,
not here

kill thy heart please,
before I get lost
inside another stupid dream,

words refused to escape my mouth
silently I choked on them
oh well,

the shit I never said,
forget about it....
the words are dead.

What You Need to Hear

What you need to hear
Is the sound of my heart
Ripping apart
When I see you're face.

What you need to know,
Is that I love you so,
But you left me alone,
And you're so close!

Why?

Why can I not scream!
Scream at you...
For abandoning me?
Why can I not forget?

What I wish you knew.
Daddy I love you.
I want you.
I need you here!

Wasn't I your baby girl?
Wasn't I your pal?
Were all those years a lie?
How can I look at you now?

How can I face the mirror,
I look like you.
I want a different face.
As long as it never
Belonged to you.

Weighed

Sometimes I think I love you better in theory
Than in practice,
Love the idea, love you better when you don't call.
On examination, unfair, in your good faith -
Is that what you have?
I lost the truth and feeling in layers of responsibility; duty.
You call, and my heart sinks
When rightly it should lift.
The real you is the buried part that never dares
Or tears itself free;
Oh, woe is me,
We are so different in our similarity.
You want me,
but let your heart be broken,
and won't give me you.
Doubt and fear and wrong-bodied sadness
Are death to arousal;
Smelling it on you and me
Slink hideously in for the kill.
It wasn't you to begin with -
I'm just too long without another, and what right do you have
To jealousy
When never letting me?
I only want to please.
Maybe that's my disease.
I can't be your only
All you have, though
It makes a lovely dream.

Blind

Kissing the fallen tears
That's what the storm is
How long have I been here?
How long have I been His?

Sands of time disintegrate,
As broken memories take flight,
Cutting into my blackened heart,
Where love had blinded my sight.

I believed in You because...
Because I was in love with a dream
You couldn't feel my devotion
And I couldn't hear myself scream.

Echoed in those desolate halls,
Were protests and confessions alike,
Which were yours and which were mine,
Didn't matter as they both lead to a fight.

Twist and turn, make me lost
Abuse the faith I placed in You
I chose you over God himself
But I'm sure you knew that too.

Yet still you showed no mercy,
Leading me on a lost cause,
Strumming my heartstrings like they were nothing,
And skinning my faith raw.

Go ahead and kill me
I'm begging you please
I'm still in love with you
But this game must cease.

Maybe in another world,
I'll be with you then,
Where dreams are the essence of life,
When love was real and would never end.

Murdered Trust

A disintegrated longing,
A sentence never uttered,
A single broken promise,
Yet plenty of hurtful words.

Take a fleeting look at my anger
I hope it burns your eyes out
Take a lingering look at these tears
Who's the one crying now?

You promised me the world,
But clipped my wings behind my back,
Serenaded me with sweet sweet words,
Then made my sanity crack.

Barely standing before you
Completely utterly lost
Like a broken baby bird
In the raging storm tossed.

All i had was my faith in you,
But it was mercilessly slaughtered and killed,
Abandoned and left to drown in tears,
Have you finally had your fill?

The demons come calling
They seek to torment
You've severed my faith
It's too late to repent.

As time turns to dust,
And dreams turn into nothing,
Watch as shadows embrace me,
Mocking as they cut the puppet's strings.

Why didn't you kill me?
My heart longs to devour thee
Why leave me as a monster?
A reflection of what's left of me.

Erase me from this world,
Haven't I suffered enough?
With bloody lips i say goodbye,
To what i thought was once love.

I've Got A Wonderful Future


That cancer couldn't kill you
I'd pray, but it was my lack
of understanding
that caused you to loose
faith in me
The future holds nothing
for me
You say there is happiness
waiting for me
 
Heartbroken I found you
mad glorious head fuck
We agreed broken things
sometimes fit, most perfectly
You wiped my tears said,
this is our dream now
nothing can tear us apart
I look in to your eyes
remembering when we both
became lost..
Yesterday's kisses still burning,
that first taste..
 
Today I'm alone
haunted, in the sweet
nothingness, empty
in my garden of dreams
I've got a wonderful
future behind me

*Love_Hate*
All I wanted to do was kill
Only to get rid of this lost empty dream
I screamed all my tears away
Now I lay broken
I wanted to say 3 words and 8 letters
But you lost faith in me
I wanted to say to you
That I'm alone
Thrown away like garbage
And that was your fault
You lost me
And I never told you
I Hate You!!!
But then again I love you

The Violence of Silence

You, me,
Consigned by me
Right into that-kill zone
The one created by my silence
The violence?
My not saying or
even writing about how I was sorry
My words were lost on you
Essentially because I never said them
From me… No you’ve never read them
Although they’re as clear to me as
stubborn tears

How I wonder if you shed them?
Those tears?
Curious if you gave 'em up
Like you gave up your faith in me
Just maybe…perhaps
Like me you’ve cried yourself a river
Then crossed over permanently
Rhetorically right on over to that other side
Yet yours.. an embankment
One where a dream doesn’t become broken
Gone darkly into a night’s stare
One that’s irretrievably lost
Where the cries of bad byes
Sounds of silence..
the cost