Poetry competition CLOSED 8th February 2021 5:38pm
WINNER
paperstains
paperstains
RUNNERS-UP:
Noble_Incubus
and Valeriyabeyond
10 Second Moment
Anonymous
Thank you to all other entries that have appeared on this page in the last few days, I haven’t quite caught up yet. 👍🏻
Just Two Blocks
My friend and I were playing soldiers
(Those little green plastic army men)
When we suddenly heard gun shots
I sprang to my feet because I knew then
I’d have to run home - just two blocks
But when I came to the intersection
I froze when I saw real army men
They were taking cover from the gunfire
And as they returned fire that’s when
I saw grandma calling me in great dire
I could see her yelling but I couldn’t hear
The shooting was loud I froze in fear
There I was, tense, hands over my ears
Waiting to see if I was in the clear
My nine year old brain kicked into gear
Guerrillas to the left and army to the right
Hellfire broke out in the neighborhood
Grandma yelling out loud not giving a fuck
(She wasn’t mad at me, so that was good)
So I said a quick prayer and wished for luck
And for those few seconds that I went deaf
My legs found courage, speed and ire
For whatever bullets went over my head
I ran across the street in the crossfire
And into her arms amidst the bloodshed
Written by wallyroo92
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Violence
The door is open.
I know I can escape.
I am free to go,
but I never leave.
I know I can escape.
I am free to go,
but I never leave.
Written by UnleashedHeathen
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blue
blue, blue, blue
it's such a beautiful hue
i love blue
except when i've got the blues
blue, blue, blue
i've always loved blue it's true
i've heard of roses that color too
blue, blue, blue
it's much more than just a hue
it could be true blue like my love for you
it's such a beautiful hue
i love blue
except when i've got the blues
blue, blue, blue
i've always loved blue it's true
i've heard of roses that color too
blue, blue, blue
it's much more than just a hue
it could be true blue like my love for you
Written by faithmairee
(Faith Elizabeth Brigham)
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her radiant beauty
She flys by sultry
as an egyptian queen
catching us by surprise
her two-tone colored wings
fluttering as she
lightly touches down
upon the lantana bush
gracing it with all
of her radiant beauty
as she brings with her
the early signs of
spring into the dawn
of its first day
at last she comes
the precious butterfly
to help us welcome spring
as an egyptian queen
catching us by surprise
her two-tone colored wings
fluttering as she
lightly touches down
upon the lantana bush
gracing it with all
of her radiant beauty
as she brings with her
the early signs of
spring into the dawn
of its first day
at last she comes
the precious butterfly
to help us welcome spring
Written by faithmairee
(Faith Elizabeth Brigham)
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And So it Goes
I'd almost forgotten numb
it's been so long
since I felt the need to bury
instead of sharing every fucking feeling
I could find words for
Until I read yours
And froze as the warmth
of seeing your name
deadened to emptiness
Three scribbled sentences
the epitaph of seven years
Written by paperstains
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PUNCHES IN THE ALLEY
I was walking the alleyways, collecting aluminum cans to sell on the next Saturday. I usually did this alone. I liked being alone, however, on this day I was there with my little brother, Alex, on babysitting duty.
Jason roared down the way with his side-kick riding bitch on the back of a gas powered mini bike, stopping there just to fuck with me.
Getting my ass kicked in the alley by the bully while his crony told him to let me be, as I picked up the pretty pink brick for defense, as the dobermans barked across the fence.
The bully grinned, and I dropped the brick back down to the concrete and took the punches, because I knew that if the brick missed his head, my head would get the brick, instead. And I knew that if I threw a few punches, that I would lose with more bruises, and that he would come after my little brother Alex next.
I took the punches,
Jason roared down the way with his side-kick riding bitch on the back of a gas powered mini bike, stopping there just to fuck with me.
Getting my ass kicked in the alley by the bully while his crony told him to let me be, as I picked up the pretty pink brick for defense, as the dobermans barked across the fence.
The bully grinned, and I dropped the brick back down to the concrete and took the punches, because I knew that if the brick missed his head, my head would get the brick, instead. And I knew that if I threw a few punches, that I would lose with more bruises, and that he would come after my little brother Alex next.
I took the punches,
Written by archie23
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Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
JUDGING NOTES
Exe / Anna_Grin
1st offering - It's really interesting actually to see how much you have changed along the journey. If I'm balls to the wall honest here, this is exactly the kind of poetry I loathe on a personal level... however I'm willing to go beyond that and appreciate it for what it is. The bold and underlined parts I found particularly interesting because they almost highlight key moments in the passing of time that I found to be an effective story telling process. You've got this glorious alliteration going on in the middle with all of the T's which reflects this image of the snake at the beginning. I actually wondered about the snake to start with and then thought to myself almost on a biblical level how the snake was the thief of time; the thief of everything good. To see that imagery creep through to the watch at the end I thought showed great motion through the piece.
2nd offering - Thank fuck... lol. Raw, real and descriptive the moment. This poem had the element of frustration in it which I think maybe only one other entry had so this made the poem a little more unusual when compared to other entries. That is absolutely the superpower of this piece. I also liked that it was reflective of the modern circumstances that we find ourselves in, making this poem relevant and accessible. Thank you for your entry.
Razzerleaf - I really like this entry for its story telling ability. It made me think back to every funeral I have ever been too, and to be honest, I always seem to find some inspiration there one way or another. This really explored the theme well, capturing the thoughts and the feelings that have arisen in an everyday set of circumstances. I liked the small details here with regards to the clothing and the emotions felt. the last stanza with regards to the worms and the coffin entering the lowering stage I found really profound and shows great movement from the beginning of the ten seconds to the end. Really great entry this. Thank you so much.
Numer90 -
1st entry - While this poem was a great piece of introspection, and I'd perhaps label it confessional poetry, I'm not sure it really meets the criteria of a poem that occurs across a ten second period, as this poem is about a broader range of time. That being said, the vulnerability of the poem was a strength and in that regards I enjoyed this entry. Thank you for your entry into this competition.
2nd entry - You know I really quite liked this poem until the end when we got to the word "Telletubby" which stuck out like a sore thumb. bit of a shame that. However I really enjoyed the lamenting nature of this piece and how it felt quiet and calm. Reflective of the title I should imagine. I would have liked to have seen a little more focus on the time element with regards to the competition theme, but I think this was a perfectly worthy entry indeed. Thank you for your entry.
Green_Arrow
1st entry - I would have liked to have seen a little more description or story regarding the characters of the poem here. I got to the end of the poem and felt a little bit flat if I'm totally honest, and I think that's the fine line with poetry that you need to work out for yourself. A friend of mine always tells me that poetry should always have something to say, and unfortunately this just didn't reach me in amongst the other entries. That being said, thank you for entering this contest.
2nd entry - much the same as the first, so I would largely be repeating myself. However this was a little too close to the erotica mark for me in terms of the rules on this occasion I'm afraid.
EddieAe - I think I commented on another entry earlier about how I would have liked to have seen a little expansion to the story as it kinda felt a bit like a list of events rather than a description of them. However I did like that this poem explored the ten second moment and the thoughts that this moment in time can produce. Thank you for your entry.
GardenLover - I liked that the narrative of this was very direct and that the poem didn't try to be anything that it wasn't. I also have to say, this must be one of the nicest relationship enquiries I have ever heard of! If only that was to happen in real life once in a while. I think that part of it was the real surprise when thinking about the title. Neat little entry this. Thank you for your entry.
MadameLavender - A really great interpretation of the theme of the comp here. I like that this is a real internal monologue of thoughts that span across the fleeting seconds in regards to love and/or attraction. I just loved that passing moment feel to this poem. I really enjoyed the lines in the middle that said " and the realization came, that this is what it feels like to be loved" - which really hammers home this idea of temporary and passing and brief. Really lovely entry this. Thank you for entering.
Ljdynamic -
1st entry - Short and sweet indeed; I really liked that about this piece. It's a great bit of writing for sure, however I'm not sure it fits with the theme of a ten second moment as it feels a little more existential in nature. If there is ever a brevity contest mind, I would definitely enter something of this calibre in to the competition because it's beautiful in its own right. Thank you for entering the comp.
2nd entry - I liked the idea of this being used as a salve for comfort and I think that that did fit the criteria rather well. It's ten seconds of time given to somebody else and I really liked the outer perspective in this piece. I would watch some of the overuse of full stops as this can hinder the flow a little, but that's just something to note for the future and doesn't effect the poem which I thought was a beautiful little lullaby of calm. Thank you.
Exe / Anna_Grin
1st offering - It's really interesting actually to see how much you have changed along the journey. If I'm balls to the wall honest here, this is exactly the kind of poetry I loathe on a personal level... however I'm willing to go beyond that and appreciate it for what it is. The bold and underlined parts I found particularly interesting because they almost highlight key moments in the passing of time that I found to be an effective story telling process. You've got this glorious alliteration going on in the middle with all of the T's which reflects this image of the snake at the beginning. I actually wondered about the snake to start with and then thought to myself almost on a biblical level how the snake was the thief of time; the thief of everything good. To see that imagery creep through to the watch at the end I thought showed great motion through the piece.
2nd offering - Thank fuck... lol. Raw, real and descriptive the moment. This poem had the element of frustration in it which I think maybe only one other entry had so this made the poem a little more unusual when compared to other entries. That is absolutely the superpower of this piece. I also liked that it was reflective of the modern circumstances that we find ourselves in, making this poem relevant and accessible. Thank you for your entry.
Razzerleaf - I really like this entry for its story telling ability. It made me think back to every funeral I have ever been too, and to be honest, I always seem to find some inspiration there one way or another. This really explored the theme well, capturing the thoughts and the feelings that have arisen in an everyday set of circumstances. I liked the small details here with regards to the clothing and the emotions felt. the last stanza with regards to the worms and the coffin entering the lowering stage I found really profound and shows great movement from the beginning of the ten seconds to the end. Really great entry this. Thank you so much.
Numer90 -
1st entry - While this poem was a great piece of introspection, and I'd perhaps label it confessional poetry, I'm not sure it really meets the criteria of a poem that occurs across a ten second period, as this poem is about a broader range of time. That being said, the vulnerability of the poem was a strength and in that regards I enjoyed this entry. Thank you for your entry into this competition.
2nd entry - You know I really quite liked this poem until the end when we got to the word "Telletubby" which stuck out like a sore thumb. bit of a shame that. However I really enjoyed the lamenting nature of this piece and how it felt quiet and calm. Reflective of the title I should imagine. I would have liked to have seen a little more focus on the time element with regards to the competition theme, but I think this was a perfectly worthy entry indeed. Thank you for your entry.
Green_Arrow
1st entry - I would have liked to have seen a little more description or story regarding the characters of the poem here. I got to the end of the poem and felt a little bit flat if I'm totally honest, and I think that's the fine line with poetry that you need to work out for yourself. A friend of mine always tells me that poetry should always have something to say, and unfortunately this just didn't reach me in amongst the other entries. That being said, thank you for entering this contest.
2nd entry - much the same as the first, so I would largely be repeating myself. However this was a little too close to the erotica mark for me in terms of the rules on this occasion I'm afraid.
EddieAe - I think I commented on another entry earlier about how I would have liked to have seen a little expansion to the story as it kinda felt a bit like a list of events rather than a description of them. However I did like that this poem explored the ten second moment and the thoughts that this moment in time can produce. Thank you for your entry.
GardenLover - I liked that the narrative of this was very direct and that the poem didn't try to be anything that it wasn't. I also have to say, this must be one of the nicest relationship enquiries I have ever heard of! If only that was to happen in real life once in a while. I think that part of it was the real surprise when thinking about the title. Neat little entry this. Thank you for your entry.
MadameLavender - A really great interpretation of the theme of the comp here. I like that this is a real internal monologue of thoughts that span across the fleeting seconds in regards to love and/or attraction. I just loved that passing moment feel to this poem. I really enjoyed the lines in the middle that said " and the realization came, that this is what it feels like to be loved" - which really hammers home this idea of temporary and passing and brief. Really lovely entry this. Thank you for entering.
Ljdynamic -
1st entry - Short and sweet indeed; I really liked that about this piece. It's a great bit of writing for sure, however I'm not sure it fits with the theme of a ten second moment as it feels a little more existential in nature. If there is ever a brevity contest mind, I would definitely enter something of this calibre in to the competition because it's beautiful in its own right. Thank you for entering the comp.
2nd entry - I liked the idea of this being used as a salve for comfort and I think that that did fit the criteria rather well. It's ten seconds of time given to somebody else and I really liked the outer perspective in this piece. I would watch some of the overuse of full stops as this can hinder the flow a little, but that's just something to note for the future and doesn't effect the poem which I thought was a beautiful little lullaby of calm. Thank you.
Anonymous
Magdalena - Mags have you ever heard the song "go away God boy" by SJ Tucker? I feel this is the song that you need in your life after reading this poem! That can be my gift to you lol. I liked this little thought. It was raw and punchy and really encapsulated the theme of the comp. I liked the stripped back approach in regards to the punctuation and it just made it feel all that more pure and in the here and now. I do hope you replenish your ring of salt. Thank you for your entry.
ClearmindedVillain - I really liked this entry. It captured such a clear view of arrival and the thoughts we all think and feel as we escape into new places. I would say to maybe have a little think about the amount of full stops that you are using as on every line, it does feel like the flow of the poem is hindered a little bit. that's just minor feedback in regards to the layout of the piece and doesn't effect the content at all which I found to be really introspective and of the moment. thank you for your entry.
Poems4Me - I'm afraid I had to disqualify both entries on this occasion as the rules state no pump 'n dump erotica. Sorry.
AmorousTryst - The image I gathered in my mind here was that you were looking through photographs, or slides, or something like that. I really liked the idea that the ten second moment is just an extension of hundreds of little captured moments with the images that you were looking at. It was a mini inception within the poem, and I really thought that gave this entry a unique edge. Great narrative throughout and the poem flowed excellently when I read it aloud. Thank you for your entry.
Grace -
1st entry - I found it interesting that this really described 10 seconds of creativity in the mind of the poet. I really thought that this was different to a lot of the other entries and that was the strength of the piece. I liked that it didn't overuse punctuation which made this piece a joy to read. Thank you for your entry.
2nd entry - this captures very well the 10 second moment in regards to everyday life and capturing little moments in the day. I like that this piece was a real insight into your thoughts which made the whole piece feel relatable and insightful in regards to you. Thank you for your entry.
ValeriyaBeyond - There was something really introspective about this piece the more and more that I read it. I liked the description throughout which sets this really nice background tone to the piece. It was the ending stanza that got me the most when the lock clicks and this was almost like an audible anchor as we go through the poem. It almost reminded me of meditation, when you begin to come back from the place that you have been in your mind. You wiggle your toes and fingers to come back to this time and this place. That's how it felt - otherworldy. A real insight into you. Great job on this. Thank you for your entry.
Girthquake - I am afraid both entries are disqualified as the rules state no pump 'n dump erotica. Sorry.
Noble_Incubus - I really liked this entry and how it encapsulated the theme of the comp perfectly. I got the image of Formula one in my head as I was reading this piece and how the cars just screech past for that split second before they are gone. Great usage of anchoring the idea of time to the idea of emotion in regards to witnessing a hero. Great story telling in this. I really thought it was an excellent entry. Thank you.
WallyRoo92 - I really liked the story telling in this, however I feel that the poem itself was set over a period longer than ten seconds (Playing > running to an intersection > Yelling > Shooting > time to say a prayer > go deaf) and I had to take that into account with regards to the judging process. Layout and actual contents of the poem totally great, I just don't think it met the criteria on this occasion. Thank you for your entry.
UnleashedHeathen - It's a shame that there wasn't a little bit of backstory here to explain this little thought. I feel this would have helped tremendously on this occasion. That being said, an interesting little thought in the moment, nevertheless. Thank you for your entry.
FaithMairee
1st entry - I don't know if you are like me, but I often find myself singing throughout the day... all the time... even when I don't really expect it. And that's what this poem felt like. Those little moments when a little song or a rhyme appears and then disappears as fast as it came. I really liked that element about this first entry. Thank you.
2nd entry - I liked the capturing of the moment again here in regards to a butterfly that lands in a fleeting moment and then disappears again. I really thought this little piece showed the temporary nature of things and this seems to be a theme that appears across both of your entries. as a pair, I think they are lovely. Thank you for your entry.
Paperstains - I really loved the pain in this (is that ok to say?) but its that description of having something you have held onto for so long just reduced into those few humble seconds. This explored the idea of the theme very well and there's so much packed into such a short space of time. Really lovely entry, thank you.
Archie23- thank you for being real, and I appreciate that. However I did have to take the 30 seconds into account when judging this comp to be fair across the board in terms of the guidelines. Thank you for your entry.
troublesome_98 - this is one of those fleeting thoughts moments that I think you have captured rather well here. I love that you have explored the theme by exploring what it is in your mind that is worthy of being said. This little piece had great introspection and I thought that it was a very worth entry here. Thank you for sharing.
1st place - Paperstains
2nd place - ValeriyaBeyond
3rd pace - Noble_Incubus
Honourable mentions - Anna_Grin, for writing the kind of poetry that makes me want to write being all in the moment. and also MadameLavender, Razzerleaf and Magdalena. There really was nothing between all of the honourable mentions. Really great entries.
Until next time, thank you!
ClearmindedVillain - I really liked this entry. It captured such a clear view of arrival and the thoughts we all think and feel as we escape into new places. I would say to maybe have a little think about the amount of full stops that you are using as on every line, it does feel like the flow of the poem is hindered a little bit. that's just minor feedback in regards to the layout of the piece and doesn't effect the content at all which I found to be really introspective and of the moment. thank you for your entry.
Poems4Me - I'm afraid I had to disqualify both entries on this occasion as the rules state no pump 'n dump erotica. Sorry.
AmorousTryst - The image I gathered in my mind here was that you were looking through photographs, or slides, or something like that. I really liked the idea that the ten second moment is just an extension of hundreds of little captured moments with the images that you were looking at. It was a mini inception within the poem, and I really thought that gave this entry a unique edge. Great narrative throughout and the poem flowed excellently when I read it aloud. Thank you for your entry.
Grace -
1st entry - I found it interesting that this really described 10 seconds of creativity in the mind of the poet. I really thought that this was different to a lot of the other entries and that was the strength of the piece. I liked that it didn't overuse punctuation which made this piece a joy to read. Thank you for your entry.
2nd entry - this captures very well the 10 second moment in regards to everyday life and capturing little moments in the day. I like that this piece was a real insight into your thoughts which made the whole piece feel relatable and insightful in regards to you. Thank you for your entry.
ValeriyaBeyond - There was something really introspective about this piece the more and more that I read it. I liked the description throughout which sets this really nice background tone to the piece. It was the ending stanza that got me the most when the lock clicks and this was almost like an audible anchor as we go through the poem. It almost reminded me of meditation, when you begin to come back from the place that you have been in your mind. You wiggle your toes and fingers to come back to this time and this place. That's how it felt - otherworldy. A real insight into you. Great job on this. Thank you for your entry.
Girthquake - I am afraid both entries are disqualified as the rules state no pump 'n dump erotica. Sorry.
Noble_Incubus - I really liked this entry and how it encapsulated the theme of the comp perfectly. I got the image of Formula one in my head as I was reading this piece and how the cars just screech past for that split second before they are gone. Great usage of anchoring the idea of time to the idea of emotion in regards to witnessing a hero. Great story telling in this. I really thought it was an excellent entry. Thank you.
WallyRoo92 - I really liked the story telling in this, however I feel that the poem itself was set over a period longer than ten seconds (Playing > running to an intersection > Yelling > Shooting > time to say a prayer > go deaf) and I had to take that into account with regards to the judging process. Layout and actual contents of the poem totally great, I just don't think it met the criteria on this occasion. Thank you for your entry.
UnleashedHeathen - It's a shame that there wasn't a little bit of backstory here to explain this little thought. I feel this would have helped tremendously on this occasion. That being said, an interesting little thought in the moment, nevertheless. Thank you for your entry.
FaithMairee
1st entry - I don't know if you are like me, but I often find myself singing throughout the day... all the time... even when I don't really expect it. And that's what this poem felt like. Those little moments when a little song or a rhyme appears and then disappears as fast as it came. I really liked that element about this first entry. Thank you.
2nd entry - I liked the capturing of the moment again here in regards to a butterfly that lands in a fleeting moment and then disappears again. I really thought this little piece showed the temporary nature of things and this seems to be a theme that appears across both of your entries. as a pair, I think they are lovely. Thank you for your entry.
Paperstains - I really loved the pain in this (is that ok to say?) but its that description of having something you have held onto for so long just reduced into those few humble seconds. This explored the idea of the theme very well and there's so much packed into such a short space of time. Really lovely entry, thank you.
Archie23- thank you for being real, and I appreciate that. However I did have to take the 30 seconds into account when judging this comp to be fair across the board in terms of the guidelines. Thank you for your entry.
troublesome_98 - this is one of those fleeting thoughts moments that I think you have captured rather well here. I love that you have explored the theme by exploring what it is in your mind that is worthy of being said. This little piece had great introspection and I thought that it was a very worth entry here. Thank you for sharing.
1st place - Paperstains
2nd place - ValeriyaBeyond
3rd pace - Noble_Incubus
Honourable mentions - Anna_Grin, for writing the kind of poetry that makes me want to write being all in the moment. and also MadameLavender, Razzerleaf and Magdalena. There really was nothing between all of the honourable mentions. Really great entries.
Until next time, thank you!
but the comments are always appreciated. well done to the winners Northern_Soul said:
Paperstains - I really loved the pain in this (is that ok to say?) but its that description of having something you have held onto for so long just reduced into those few humble seconds. This explored the idea of the theme very well and there's so much packed into such a short space of time. Really lovely entry, thank you.
I love the pain in things, too, so I understand what you mean when you say that.
It was beyond unexpected to log on and see that you'd chosen this piece as the winner, so thank you for that jolt to my day. If it weren't for your prompt, it wouldn't exist, and it was good to feel compelled to try to put words together again.
Paperstains - I really loved the pain in this (is that ok to say?) but its that description of having something you have held onto for so long just reduced into those few humble seconds. This explored the idea of the theme very well and there's so much packed into such a short space of time. Really lovely entry, thank you.
I love the pain in things, too, so I understand what you mean when you say that.
It was beyond unexpected to log on and see that you'd chosen this piece as the winner, so thank you for that jolt to my day. If it weren't for your prompt, it wouldn't exist, and it was good to feel compelled to try to put words together again.
