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Cafe Critique 3 The Sonnet

David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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Poetry Contest

Write A Scottish Sonnet

I want you to attempt to write a "Scottish Sonnet". It does differ in some ways to traditional sonnets, (No iambic pentameter) but is a sonnet all the same, Just with a twist.

Here is the format:

14 lines long

Averaging 7 - 10 syllables each line

3 stanzas of 4 lines followed by a couplet (ie: Two lines)

The first 2 stanzas should concentrate on negative comments on someone or something

the 3rd stanza should be the "Volta" - a turn or backtracking opinion

The finishing couplet can be anything you want relating to your subject - doesn't have to be a resolution

The rhyming scheme is: aabb - ccdd - eeff - gg

It should include 4 Scottish words, but this is optional


3 weeks
collabs allowed
new writes
as many entries as you like
Just have fun


Here is an example:

The Truth Is Too Boring,..... by David Macleod

I shout, he should stop playing the victim card     (a)
He might be disabled but life's not hard                 (a)
He should get off his (erse) not be lazy                    (b)  
The kind of man that drives me crazy                      (b)

Forever (greets) about his lot in life                           (c)
Abuse, pain, PTSD, Bipolar and his ex-wife               (c)
Claims being bullied but is it any wonder                 (d)
Hope he's (deed) soon like a clap of thunder           (d)

Being a narcissist I never feel guilt                              (e)
Maybe I should start, there's no legs in his kilt         (e)
Maybe I (shouldnae) tell lies about him at all                (f)
If he died, would I feel regret at all                              (f)

Can't help it, I hate him, and others too                      (g)
I'm (sae) glad I'm me I'd hate to be you                      (g)


Scottish words:

Erse = ass
Deed = dead
Sae = so
shouldnae = should not



Jade-Pandora
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Why Do Ye Smile?

( a Scottish sonnet, yano )
 
 
The worldís such a mess so why do ye smile?
Thereís smoke in my face, I cannae see why.
You crawl on the ground, you must be a beast,
Iíll set light the house and have me a feast!
 
Before I do that, Iíll fatten you up,
With haggis Iíll stuff until you erupt.
Iíll roast you alive, I wonít kill you deed,
And fix up some chips to have on the seed.
 
Sae what do ye think me sheep bladder scruff,
Yer tempíratureís right, I think itís enough.
Just sit on yer erse, you look kinda pale,
As this is a first, Iíll pour us some ale.
 
Later, letís have something special to eat;
Warmed-over haggis the next time we meet.
 
Written by Jade-Pandora (jade tiger)
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Scottish words:

erse = ass
deed = dead
seed = side
Sae = so
cannae = can not

David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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excellent first entry Jade - and you use the Scottish words - Go You! :-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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Tree Huggers - - A Scottish Sonnet

Ok! What now! were gonna save the planet
Chatting with trees and a fuckin gannet
Climate change is horse shit theory, junk science
(Poorr) cuts, put it (doon), that modern appliance

Save the whale, the panda and the tiger
Please (dinnae) let those climbers climb the Eiger
Fuckin hippies and their fucked floral scheme
As the cash rolls in, in their pants, they cream

What is the solution to pollution
Can't seek contribution absolution
It's fuckin clear, the trend should be well bucked
If we don't love each other (wur) (awwe) fucked

Man is a parasite causing friction
The earth will earmark them for extinction

Scottish Words (5)

(Poorr) = power
(doon) = down
(dinnae) = don't
(wur) = we are
(awwe) = all

NOT A COMPETITION ENTRY

David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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{ Waits Patiently }

Razzerleaf
Razzerleaf
Thought Provoker
United Kingdom
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Joined 15th Sep 2019
Forum Posts: 9

Love's forgotten fight (Scottish Sonnet)

So why now, does her face cold crack,  
fingers drawn, stretched tight to scratch,  
split lipped her frown, as a thunder brews,  
mouth opens, with words I canea use,  

apologies spat back, writhed on her tongue,  
press tight to her anger, flaying held strong,  
ceramic sand cloud, cuts deep into flesh,  
with struggles fading, her ambitions I test,  

fine muscle relaxes, guilt loosens my grip,  
light softens her tones, embraced lips bit,  
my eyes give chase to our hiding place,  
probing mouths race the passion we taste,  

how frantic now our coupling calls flight,  
low down we caress love's forgotten fight.
Written by Razzerleaf
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David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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Fantastic entry Razzerleaf :-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

slipalong
slipalong
Fire of Insight
United Kingdom
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Joined 1st Jan 2018
Forum Posts: 301

Braveheart

Tartan clad, resplendant in just a short skirt
  Hairy parts the modesty, the wind tries to subvert
A" dirk" as sharp that ripped the socks to bits
 "Sporran" where a highlander never keeps a tip

The noise like the cats refuge is on fire
 Bagpipes "scurl" a blown up bladder, dire
  Ginger hair would you wear all that attire
 March ahead across the windy moorland "mire"

To defend the homeland from the "Sassenachs"
A"Claymore" and courage to repel their attacks
William Wallace, †the wild and the wily fox
 Gauntlet of the land those thistles held aloft

 That tale that some may laugh and ridicule
 Whiskeys fire and malt brewed in those "braw" people †

"dirk" short dagger
"sporran" small ornamental purse
"sassenack" english saxon
"claymore" Scottish broadsword
"braw" brave
William Wallace †see Google
Written by slipalong
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eswaller
eswaller
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Joined 22nd Dec 2015
Forum Posts: 610

Take You Home (Scottish Sonnet)

The days, so dreary and dark.
The hours, desolate and stark
Like the first days of winter.
All the minutes have splintered

And broke apart like fractured
Sunlight. There is manufactured
Love and happiness to make
The world happy, but one takes

It away. The real smile is there
Between the cracks and I swear
One day that the world will be
Happy again. One day the sea

Takes you home after long days.
There you will feel sunshine rays.
Written by eswaller
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David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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Epic, wonderful stuff slipalong - Great use of Scottish words

David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
Forum Posts: 2290

Wonderful entry eswaller very strong indeed :-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
Forum Posts: 2290

Not long to go now - get those entries in :-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

cloventongue89
cloventongue89
Nathaniel Peter
Thought Provoker
United States
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Joined 18th Sep 2017
Forum Posts: 430

Save My Soul

 
I speak my useless words for no one
My passion won't add fire to the sun
Empty as my heart at times it feels
Hung up on the reruns of mind reels

Lost inside this maze of my undoing
I fight this battle but I'm losing
I can't stand to think of the ways I fail
Heartbeat flat-lines as I pale

Self defeat isn't the worst thing
Death to rebirth like winter to spring
Enemy inside of my reflection
Learning who I am is self rejection

Kill my impulse to regain control
Resisting carnality, save my soul...
Written by cloventongue89 (Nathaniel Peter)
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David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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wow! cloventongue89 another excellent entry - Did you have a tune in mind????

wallyroo92
wallyroo92
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Joined 11th July 2012
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Generations

(a Scottish Sonnet)

I heard these little weans and their humor,
Calling me Karen like Iím some boomer,
But the wee eejits canít tell me apart,
Because Iím really Gen-Xer at heart.

"Donít be ignorant, educate yourself,
I have volumes of history on my shelf,
I have books with just aboot any topic,
Then youíll see your views are just myopic.

If you want to talk shite about my age,
Best believe tiny plebe I got some rage,
Generations before you kicked some arse,
So shut your mouth because you are the farce.

Learn about others first and show respect,
Watch what you say or else you will get checked."
Written by wallyroo92
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