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Weird shit and nothing else
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
MadameLavender said:
Hmm, I don't know... Mags may have kicked ass with her one story and the rest of us are scrambling to keep up & get ahead....I only had someone die during a blood draw , & she nearly banged a guy to death! 😁
Yeah, I’m in awe of her ability to kill with that thing.
The Golden Vag does deserve another look.
You are the ShitMaster though. Bar none.
(Also. Cheese. Why the fuck is that so funny to me?)
Hmm, I don't know... Mags may have kicked ass with her one story and the rest of us are scrambling to keep up & get ahead....I only had someone die during a blood draw , & she nearly banged a guy to death! 😁
Yeah, I’m in awe of her ability to kill with that thing.
The Golden Vag does deserve another look.
You are the ShitMaster though. Bar none.
(Also. Cheese. Why the fuck is that so funny to me?)
So like three years ago I was doing a 100 mile trail hike, in Florida, backpacking, in the summer.
You exist in the woods for five solid days. You’re shitting in the woods, you’re pissing in the woods, instead of bathing you just soak your aching muscles in a spring every time you find one.
Stepped on a snake a few miles in. Scared the fuck out of me. So now… I see snakes everywhere. Every run. Every trail. Everything is a snake.
Had to shake a tree 30 miles in. Squatted down. Something slapped me in the ass, and I jumped up screaming SNAKE! OMG! NO! IT BIT ME.
And hauled ass with my pants around my knees, right past my hiking partners.
I did this while still pissing.
Running down the Florida Trail pissing down my own leg, screaming SNAKE.
Because I got poked in the no-no with a stick.
Also those were my only pants. So. Yeah.
You exist in the woods for five solid days. You’re shitting in the woods, you’re pissing in the woods, instead of bathing you just soak your aching muscles in a spring every time you find one.
Stepped on a snake a few miles in. Scared the fuck out of me. So now… I see snakes everywhere. Every run. Every trail. Everything is a snake.
Had to shake a tree 30 miles in. Squatted down. Something slapped me in the ass, and I jumped up screaming SNAKE! OMG! NO! IT BIT ME.
And hauled ass with my pants around my knees, right past my hiking partners.
I did this while still pissing.
Running down the Florida Trail pissing down my own leg, screaming SNAKE.
Because I got poked in the no-no with a stick.
Also those were my only pants. So. Yeah.
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
My uncle was living in a bus out the back of our house when I was about 5-6.
He stole a pair of socks off the line belonging to my father,
they fought
dad chased him outside with a fake samurai sword he’d picked up from a pawn shop
My Uncle locked himself in the bus screaming obscenities, dad stood there for about an hour, before his patience wore thin, so he stuffed a sock in the fuel tank and set it on fire…..
Uncle bailed out the emergency window, dad chased him over the fence trying to hack him up….
bus was burnt to rubble before the fire brigade got there…
(Dobby from Harry Potter would have been devastated)
He stole a pair of socks off the line belonging to my father,
they fought
dad chased him outside with a fake samurai sword he’d picked up from a pawn shop
My Uncle locked himself in the bus screaming obscenities, dad stood there for about an hour, before his patience wore thin, so he stuffed a sock in the fuel tank and set it on fire…..
Uncle bailed out the emergency window, dad chased him over the fence trying to hack him up….
bus was burnt to rubble before the fire brigade got there…
(Dobby from Harry Potter would have been devastated)
Nevermindthegaps said:My uncle was living in a bus out the back of our house when I was about 5-6.
He stole a pair of socks off the line belonging to my father,
they fought
dad chased him outside with a fake samurai sword he’d picked up from a pawn shop
My Uncle locked himself in the bus screaming obscenities, dad stood there for about an hour, before his patience wore thin, so he stuffed a sock in the fuel tank and set it on fire…..
Uncle bailed out the emergency window, dad chased him over the fence trying to hack him up….
bus was burnt to rubble before the fire brigade got there…
(Dobby from Harry Potter would have been devastated)
This post left me in a strange place. While reasonably succinct… and absolutely weird…not sure if it’s cracking the funny doors.
I want to provide positive feedback for brevity and theme, but also be like Th’hell you bringing in a burned up bus to pus-diildo-piss-vag-shit-cheese fight? There weren’t even any body fluids!
He stole a pair of socks off the line belonging to my father,
they fought
dad chased him outside with a fake samurai sword he’d picked up from a pawn shop
My Uncle locked himself in the bus screaming obscenities, dad stood there for about an hour, before his patience wore thin, so he stuffed a sock in the fuel tank and set it on fire…..
Uncle bailed out the emergency window, dad chased him over the fence trying to hack him up….
bus was burnt to rubble before the fire brigade got there…
(Dobby from Harry Potter would have been devastated)
This post left me in a strange place. While reasonably succinct… and absolutely weird…not sure if it’s cracking the funny doors.
I want to provide positive feedback for brevity and theme, but also be like Th’hell you bringing in a burned up bus to pus-diildo-piss-vag-shit-cheese fight? There weren’t even any body fluids!
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
Anonymous said:<< post removed >>
Reminds me of the time some little kid on the bus kept kicking my seat.
(I also have stretched ears… but I have 16mm babies compared to Ethan’s 40mm coke cans…🤫)
So the kid keeps kicking and kicking the chair and then he starts chatting shit about my ears. All I keep hearing is “Mum why does that woman have holes in her ears”
So I continue looking forward and just deadpan say out loud “they’re my third fkn eye, kid…and they’re watching you…”
He shit himself. Didn’t make a peep for the rest of the journey.
Reminds me of the time some little kid on the bus kept kicking my seat.
(I also have stretched ears… but I have 16mm babies compared to Ethan’s 40mm coke cans…🤫)
So the kid keeps kicking and kicking the chair and then he starts chatting shit about my ears. All I keep hearing is “Mum why does that woman have holes in her ears”
So I continue looking forward and just deadpan say out loud “they’re my third fkn eye, kid…and they’re watching you…”
He shit himself. Didn’t make a peep for the rest of the journey.
