Broken Hearts

I am one, thats only half
in that asunder I live alone bereft
 that fate's smooth runes, gleaned forecast
come winds of love, some chance and waft

To seek for an eternal flame
 Showroom newness, manifest a gleeming dream
the untouched, not used and lame
to smell its comfort, beauty so pristine

Are  my standards far to high
to hoard the orchard's cherry fruit
the early bird and soaring kite
 soft pink flesh, be my sole pursuit

 Seek and find the well run dry
 try to draw and wind the crank and drum
for her beauty can all imbibe
to cast a spell, a being so fulsome

And prance vain waking steps lasso
plotting's of your GPS, homing in on prettiness
just a tired cliche, not the pulling screw
magnetic north of all desires compass

Assembled shelves of empty hope
a maladay, in those shoes and not to stalk
her perfume, on a handwritten envelope
you'd collect, from your front door porch

Replays of deception
torching my soul
images of rejection
added to my attic
of unwelcomed thoughts
I can still feel the wetness from your last caress on my neck
Staring into your eyes
I knew it was the kiss of death
There was never a "good-bye"
Just the
"I'll talk to you tomorrow"..
bullsh!t lie
Tomorrow came and showed it's ass
My heart stopped pumping
that day
I was denied entry
from a person who intent was to never stay..

Creating time to add chaotic thoughts in my mind  
Pressure cooker  
The taste of misery from my occupational pleasure  
The deal is sealed
My destructive treasure  
The devil's poison got everyone rejoicing  
Even the truth bleeds out on the hands of the heartless  
Picking knowledge out the dumpster of the most beautiful trash  
Don't close your eyes  
They got tricks in the stash  
Smiles turn into evil grins  
Now I must ask  
Who's dimension are you in?

You saw me drinking, and it made you cry.
You felt the guilt from when you left my side.  
I turned to drug abuse and alcohol.  
I need you to know that this is not your fault.  
No longer the man with which you fell in love.  
They say time heals all wounds, but it was not enough.  
I needed something else to numb the pain.  
Just to make it through another day.  
  
Numb the pain for another day.  
It's too late, I cannot be saved.
   
I see that you're thriving since we fell apart.  
I know that you hide from me your broken heart.  
Your girl friends have told me that you're not okay.  
That you talk about me almost everyday.  
Like how you can't sleep at night without my sounds.  
They plead me to save you and come back around.  
Then why did we even go our separate ways?  
What was the point of it in the first place?  
   
Numb the pain for another day.  
I can't save you, it's far too late.

The party perfect are fashion late,
I shudder with a whiskey swig
and watch her through my parted fringe
If I'm drunk, I'm drunk already
no more of this, trying to be friends.

She's rolled her eyes to someone else,
swigs a gin and laughs with his friends,
"oh your so funny",
If she's drunk, she's drunk already,
stands unsteady but lands quite certain.

Around him she struts and pouts
no one has any doubt.
A single glance back, that pity half smile
that keeps me sat with my drink for a while.

You're drunk she said, still linked to his ego.
"Get lost" I said, either he goes or I go,
"who the hell are you"? she asked.

Looking back, our hollows
became a sink-hole.
Your lipstick sealed
it's smile with melted wax, held straight
even from a sideways glance.
On rainy days we could pull the grey
from our blue, those days I knew
the curl of your lip without looking.

Things only move down in here,
mouths are filled with dirt,
faded old boxes, moldy with memories
slide away unseen. sounds smash insults
just to be heard, ground is given away.

But every good sink-hole is an hour glass,
if you hold your breath
the narrowing will pass.
Spewed out onto the surface
I force my eyes open,
and step on each grain that glistens
before someone turns me over again.

We had kept discord
In mason jars  
Wrenched the spiral tightly  
With ape fisted dexterity  
And nodded politely as we placed them on the shelf  
 
The tippy toe effort  
To reach them again  
Enough to keep them dusty  
And in this kitchen  
With all the tasks to do  
Mindless chatter here  
A hungry man there  
 
They go unnoticed  
Until another is closed  
And placed beside its brother  
Swirling discontent and sloshing sound  
In the others  
No longer clear  
And the breaking down  
 
Today it is toast and jelly  
And alone with the sound  
Of crusty spread and scrape  
The bite warm and sweet  
 
I think I will clean house  
Toss the old and rotting into the bin  
With pleasing thump into bagged bottom  
And heave it out of my house  
The burden on my shoulder  
Easy  
 
When considering the great burden  
Of time wasted  
And jarred resentment fermenting  
My peace coldly interrupted  
By seemingly innocuous canned goods  
 
And it might just be that simple  
Or, it might not  
Either way  
I might just be ok  
(I’ll be just fine)  
 
I’ll write it all down in homey metaphor  
To place the comfort of spiritual logic  
By bits and pieces within me  
Practice believing it  
Until it is a wholehearted effort  
And ability  
That mirrors faith  
 
(To be well within my soul)  
I am well within my soul  
I sing it like my grandfather  
During a Baptist revival by an Ozark river  
 
He seemed very happy  
Was a Godly man  
Salt of the Earth made by a God he knew well  
And my Grandma  
She kept plenty on her shelf  
She opened them for us  
(Peach preserves spread liberally)  
And everyone was happy there  
 
I do not remember being alone a day  
Even when I was
 
So this chore done
Spreads good news in my house
(Home)
I emphasize this word
Home
And believe it makes the difference
Enough to still my tummy
And lift my shrug
Apple my cheeks a while
 
I will fall to my knees  
Each time I feel whole
It has been a long while
And I am ever so grateful
So very blessed  
And I should be
Grateful  
For many many things
The greatest of these
Love
The following peace
The affirmation a comfort far beyond  
Anything I might place politely on a shelf

Your heart is broken,
Hereby its healed
You have no father,
Hereby you're part of my family
You feel lonely,
"I will never leave you or forsake you"
You feel irrelevant,
"I have great plans for you, plans to prosper you, to give you hope and a future"
You feel like a mistake,
You are "fearfully and wonderfully made"
You feel deeply unhappy,
"I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, that your joy may be full"
You think you'll be dead by 30,
"Behold I have made all things new, and the old order of things has passed away. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end"

Your heart is healing,
Remember the word