Broken Hearts

Things are going to change for me
  I can feel it
The phone’s going to ring
Winter into Spring

Things are looking up for me
   I can feel it
 My thoughts were once unkind
Perhaps she’ll change her mind

Echo, little echo
Reminds me that I’m not alone

Can you see on my face
Is it clear to you
That I miss someone

Dolls and ballet dancers
Children’s songs and primary colors
Everything under the sun
In the garden of disease

Once roses grew here
But leaves wilt
And fall to the Earth
Sullen, alone
Like me

The thorn in my planter’s thumb
She was the only one
For me
Candice, my Candice
Come home please

I see you in a different light,  
Looking back at the road after these years,  
I don’t know if I should stay and fight,  
Especially because I see all your tears.  
You’re crying a river about to go over the  
                 l  
w  
        r  
    t      a      s  
      e  
  a           l  
         f    
But I just don’t know what to think,  
I'd prepared for the worst and now it’s my call…  
And yet I’m more afraid to take to drink.  
I know what I feel for you is still real,  
I’m really hurt, disappointed and jaded,  
I’m too fucking old this kind of ordeal,  
In a way I feel sorry too but mostly degraded.  
There’s no sense in wailing - what’s the use?  
It’s just that my heart now is in a different place,  
All my poetry is hung up on a tree in a noose,  
Tainted forever whenever I see your face.

Face down screaming words no one hear
mouthing names alien to other ears
sobbing tears that seep into the sheets
broken by death stamped on by destiny

damning his soul to the pits of hell
as he curses the gods he once revered
drunks are results of his creation
and He visited them on his beloved

he will no longer know rest
nor will he know loving smiles
and gentle loving at midnight
he wishes he can cut his throat

He knows he will always seek the scents
of the mother of his children
who held them both as the car
crashes into the swerving truck

He will always listen for their laughter,
his beautiful twin pair
it will be a long haul to where
they are, but he will journey on

His tears seep into the white sheet
as his broken heart bleeds on
God is merciful to him after all
and he enters the blazing portal.

its was way before
hopelessness reigned
a sighing resignation
never diving in
the pool of hope
more dangling on invisible threads

then the whispers of promises came
giving good tidings
o but there must be a sunray
from the darkness of the tunnel
running to grab the offering

what was there on offer
simple really, in recollection
just to be alive, smelling the coffee
smiling at silly jokes
the companionship

the music was played
individual orchestra from pulsing hearts
then the guitar string broke
slashing into hopeful retinas
the songs of hope went silent

an old song repeated
an old path well trodden
there would be stairs in the end
but the room at the top
might not echo the beating heart.

For a brief time, I wrote erotica fan fiction
Harry Potter
Star Trek
Lord Of The Rings
Before becoming the premier Christian Erotica poet I am today
Sometimes, I come across old fans who recognize my name and remember my work

One such fan was a horny Trekkie I ran into at a Comic Con
I don’t really know why I went to Comic Con that year
I was probably fucking some Harley Quinn clone or some shit
Anyways, this skinny bitch named Loretta comes up to me with these thunderous tits and starts telling me about how my Trek story about Worf getting railed by Data’s mechanical cock really got her off and how wet she was and asked if I was into Adult Cosplay

I didn’t even know what that shit was but I was eager to slide my manhood right in between those huge titties of hers and give her the ole Abe Lincoln, so I ditched Harley Quinn and went with Loretta

I wrapped a sock around my eyes and said I was Geordi LaForge. She said she was Counselor Troi. We played an intense game of Marco Polo. Her house was immense. I kept bumping into walls. Finally I found her lying face down on the couch. I tore her pants down and stuck myself inside her forcefully. I heard a yelp. Turns out what I thought was her was actually her roommate Brenda. I tried to explain the misunderstanding but she started screaming about how I raped her and was inconsolable. She told me to leave, which pissed me off because I still hadn’t fucked Loretta but it was all too much and I just ended up leaving.

I wish I could have beamed back in there and titty fucked Loretta but the real world ain’t at all like a Star Trek episode

Does it ever return?
Only in a good somber mood.
All that has to be done is remember your awful attitude.
Thank you for opening my eyes and mind to everything I’ve since attained.
You’re a teacher who would have thought.
Put to good use this time has been amazing.
Free to explore and go roaming.
Living through experiences I only recall to help others .
Smiles of mine burns with passion for what is coming.
I think I see her.

For Stacy-Ann    
    
I told her that my love for her would never end.  
She knew that I meant every word and I would prove it.  
I promised her that I would stay by her side,    
And I tried earnestly to fulfil my promise.  
I felt that our relationship could go on without consequences,  
And she believed that we could stay together for a lifetime.  
We imagined that life in fairyland was possible,  
But we were only fooling ourselves.  

We had a peculiar love for each other,  
And this was the only thing that mattered to us.  
Life was not worth living without the love for each other.  
She wanted to marry me in spite of knowing my wife.  
Even though she was not sure things would work out favourably,  
She occasionally encouraged me to do it.  
There was a feeling of uncertainty about the outlook,  
But I was too deep in love with her to back away.  
Her love was too good to be true.  
 
We ignored the principles of love and continued the affair.  
She did everything I asked her to do for me,  
And I did everything she wanted me to do for her.  
Once she stood right in front of me,  
Then she pressed her soft body against mine.  
I touched her velvety face and she smiled,  
I gently stroked her long black hair,  
And I trembled as I held her slender waist.  

She quickly put her arms around my neck;  
I grabbed the hem of her mini dress and pulled it above her hip.  
My hands slowly moved down towards her anatomy,  
And she did not resist or frown.  
Suddenly she kissed me on the mouth,  
And she weakened me with her seductiveness.
It felt more real than anything I had felt before.  
Her love was too good to be true.  
 
I thought I was in heaven for the few years that I was seeing her.  
Consequently, I lost every trace of reality.  
And I forgot that even good things come to an end.  
While I loved her, I had to leave her.  
One slip ruined my future with the woman who loved me.  
And she did not understand the reason.  
She certainly had an amative heart,  
Yet she found it so hard to forgive me.  
Even now I still do not know what happened.  

It might have been a divine intervention.  
I would love her over again if she just says the words.  
And I would not change anything except the situation that I lost her.  
I could not prevent myself from loving her.  
The love I felt for her was blinding me,  
But she was the only woman I wanted to see.  
It is no wonder I am still hanging on to the love of yesteryear.  
Her love was too good to be true.

For Stacy-Ann  
   
The woman I loved was sitting at the ground floor of the North Stand.  
I underwent three years of depression after our affair went wrong.  
My heart was throbbing, and I was burning to tell her how sorry I was.  
She briefly spoke to my partner so she definitely knew that I was there.  
I concealed my misery when I learned that she did not ask after me.  
   
She was amid the crowd just a few meters from the playing field.  
Even though she was out of sight, I felt her energy in the atmosphere.  
I could not articulate my eagerness to see her at that moment;  
Nevertheless, I knew that I was not going to show up abruptly at her seat.  
I had a feeling that she would not greet me with her arms open wide.  
   
Considering the situation between us, I did not know how she felt;  
Neither did I have the slightest thought that she still loved me.  
I seriously felt that I would never stop loving her regardless of the futility.  
It took everything within me not to go over there and speak to her.  
And my decision to avoid her plunged me back into deep depression.  
   
She has been harbouring resentment towards me since we broke up.  
And I was afraid that she would humiliate me in front of the crowd.  
It was a very difficult situation, and the distress was too much for me,  
So I hung my head in shame and left the facility without seeing her.  
I regretted that I did not go to her, and I cried inside on my way home.  
   
I reflected with sorrow on the loss of the fervent love we shared in secret.  
My greatest wish came true when I met her in the small classroom.  
The first time she smiled at me, I knew that I would love her endlessly.    
She was an inexperienced lover, but her touch filled me with emotion.  
I appreciated her love, and I treasured no other woman as I treasured her.  
   
Even though she was a shy virgin and it was her first relationship,  
She loved me the best way a virtuous woman could love a man.  
I loved her excessively then, and now I still have the same love for her.  
The passion brought tears of joy to my eyes when she kissed me,  
But I have shed only tears of grief since the day fate separated us.  
   
I was so careless that I lost her unique love, and it destroyed me;  
Nevertheless, the thoughts of her continue to obsess my mind.  
Why am I unable to forget the love and the happiness she brought me?  
She is the object of my affection, the woman I desire most of all.  
It seems that nothing on earth can make me stop thinking about her.  
   
I am falling apart, and I cannot live with this sadness anymore.  
O Lord, take away my life if my arms will never embrace her again.  
Please take this painful instinct of love from my broken heart.  
Do not let me be constantly in love with someone I cannot have.  
Make the woman I love come back to me or make me stop loving her.