Heartbreak, depression, anger and all that good stuff

Each year the pavement is buried,
pillion passengers carry crushed flowers
tucked inside black leather jackets,
faded faces drinking beer, veiled
under sprigs of gypsofilia.
Diminished tributes fall flat
on just another wasted road-rash.

Once vibrant petals lose their colour
and that string tied photograph fades
like the sepia memories
they try to crayon in each year.
Swapping stories like trading cards,
old bikers stuck in slip-road ruts.

You wont find me leaning on that tree
throwing posies at your feet
or nailed on a lamppost cross
wearing your flaking crown of chrome.

What's that you say boys?
yes, back in the day boys.
Maybe I did sell out, but it's late
and I'm not your mate,
so ask me again about our friend
and I'll tell you how your story ends.

In a moment of life, sweat running down my face  
Bad case of shyness, silencing ones tongue from race  
No sleep at nighttime, just seeing the sun rise  
My senses all failing and my mind freezing over  
A look in the mirror I didn’t recognise
Then it appeared as an hallucination  
I heard her call for me  
I had to slap myself over and over  
This could just be a dream or this might just be heaven  
Then it occurred to me, that I was on strong medication  
The images and voices I heard that day  
Were just from my imagination  
 
Understand the Black Dog Illness  
Not our choice (Not our choice)  
Not our choice  
Heaps of people with the Black Dog Illness  
It doesn’t discriminate (It doesn’t discriminate)  
It might just be lying in wait  
 
Your mind is racing quickly, then goes into a frozen zone  
You’ll have struggles daily, yearly, maybe to your gravestone  
How you control yourself in the moment of the bark  
Some handle it well, some can’t handle it at all  
 
So phone a friend if needed  
Say hello, was the answer what you’d expect?  
They said, “How are you coping and sorry I left you, I shouldn’t disconnect?  
And still those friends don’t call me, any day of the week  
Sit by the phone, morning, afternoon and at night  
Just to hear them speak  
 
Understand the Black Dog Illness  
Not our choice (Not our choice)  
Not our choice  
Society needs to talk to about the Black Dog Illness  
So no one’s alone (So no one’s alone)  
It might be you one day, ok  
 
Moments of frustration  
Retirement not an option  
Some say, "You aren’t really sick, just your minds full of toxin”  
And in the family circle  
They gathered for an intervention  
Some still don’t get what it controls  
And they think it’s my own invention  
 
Last thing I want to address  
Is the way family and friends that you adore  
Just think it’s easy going back to the way I was before  
"Time will heal," said the bible man  
"We are promised our own path  
You can work it out, in your own time  
But you have to believe!"

I thought you loved her      
As we all should do        
Loving ones mummy, comes automatically        
Go ahead, say I love you too        
Yeah, Yeah, the bond is so strong        
       
But, I blew up like an atomic bomb        
I lost my lovin’ mom        
I stayed away for years        
And my letters never arrived        
Rubber stamped, ‘Return to Sender’      
       
I miss my mother        
because the bond was once strong        
I now realise my faults        
as some of you would understand        
Hope-Pray        
to reunite someday soon        
       
My love for my mama        
For our bond is still so strong        
The risk of exploding, it’s in everyone        
But never forget every lost soul        
Was once a lovin’ son.

As the gangsta dies
On a hot and humid Florida mornin'
A poor grievin' young wife is torn
This is ghetto
And his crew cries
'cause if there's one thing that they don't need
it's another corner boy to bleed
This is ghetto

Society, don't you understand
the hood needs a helping hand
or they'll grow to be all angry young men one day
Take a look at them and me,
are we too black to see,
do we simply shut our mouths
and speak in another way

While the hood rolls
and an inspired young boy with a funny jive
deals on the corner as he collects high fives
This is ghetto

And his crib burns
so he starts to scare the folks with fright
and he teaches how to deal
and he teaches how to bite
This is ghetto

Then one night in conversation
a young rat screams aloud
She buys a toy, steals a heart,
tries for fun, but it won't even start
Then her man tries

As the crew gathers 'round a stupid young hoe
face down in the pillow with a dildo in her snatch
This is ghetto

As the neighbourhood sighs
On a hot and humid Florida mornin'
Another poor grievin' young wife is torn
This is ghetto

Verse 1

I’ve always known that I was different; a fact that left my mother proud
My entire life I’ve struggled to fit in; I could never click with any crowd
I was a victim of my father’s sin; yet I’ve become a better person now
I’ve learned not to show what I have within; I’ve learned to question the why and the how.

Sacrifices have cost me blood, sweat and tears; I’ve managed to find the light
So much suffering has taken away my fears; I no long shy away from a fight
I’ve learned not to trust everything that I hear; sometimes I can’t even trust my own sight
I protect those whom I hold dear; don’t expect much, my standards have risen to new heights.

Chorus 1

My pain and despair have gone with the ashes
Countless betrayals forbid me from giving second chances
I’ve been hurt and I’ve cried; now it’s time to smile
I happily embrace what’s left of my inner child.

Verse 2

I’ve grown weary of superficiality; most people only care about material goods
The only constant thing is stupidity; when taking decisions, few think about whether they should…
…take it, yet I guess it’s just me; I often wish that I could…
…fake it, the idea of irresponsibility; I hide my face underneath this thick hood.

Countless thoughts run through my mind; I never stop thinking
I’m often surprised by what I find; Average Joe’s still obedient, even though he’s sinking
To succeed, there’s no room for being kind; demons ask for forgiveness, all the while still sinning
The darkness tries to drown those that shine; corruption is what I’ll be extinguishing.

Chorus 2

Gone are the lies as they burn up in ashes
Even my soul must be judged before it passes…
…from this world to the next; I’ll reach heaven
Evil must carry out its sentence.

From your place up so high,
I stretch my fingers and touch the sky;
Mama says that you’ll fall down,
She says: “please land safely on the ground.”
 
I don’t remember your face,
But I still feel your embrace;
Each time I hear the engines roar,
The pang in my heart feels sore.  
 
Papa, I miss you; I want you home,
Please don’t leave me all alone;
Mama weeps because you went to eternal sleep.  
I don’t understand why I won’t ever see you again.
 
The light suddenly goes out,
And then I hear mama shout;
“Why didn’t you come back?
You were the only love I ever had.”
 
All the clouds turn red,
My heart is filled with dread;
One by one they fall,
The fire’s so big and I’m so small.

Papa, I miss you; I want you home,
Please don’t leave me all alone;
Mama weeps because you went to eternal sleep.  
I don’t understand why I won’t ever see you again.
 
The sirens are so loud,
The silence has turned to sound;
Mama no longer weeps,
All she does is bleed.
 
Now I’m all alone,
My heart has turned to stone;
You’re a forgotten memory,
Even as I burn, I can’t feel anything.
 
Papa, where are you? You didn’t come home.
I never see the plane that you have flown;
Mama sweet has joined you in eternal sleep.
I now understand that you’re a dead man.  
And that I’m alone…
 

This is it; I’m done
My heart still beats, yet no warmth flows through my veins
My face is an emotionless mask, and I feel nothing inside
Tears pour from my eyes, yet they offer no relief
From the pain and torment I’ve subjected myself to
Life is cruel, and I’m merely one of its foolish victims
I’ve irrevocably damaged the lives of the people who matter to me
No matter what I say or do, I can never make up for it
I’m in a dark and unstable place
I can’t find the light and set myself free
Life isn’t worth living with this pain I’m going through
So why not just end it all with two momentary pains?
And watch my life bleed out of this hollow shell of the person I once was.

Verse 1
Do you see me as your emotional punching bag?
I remember everything that you’ve ever said
Is it your mission to see me hanged?
Your words play over and over in my head.
-
They’ve cut out a hole in my heart
As you belittle me and wish I was never born
I won’t ever be rid of these scars
I’ve lost all my petals and was left with thorns.
 
Chorus
Your words hurt me far more than any wound
Only my eyes can see this new bruise
You’ve torn out my roots before I could even bloom
I can’t tell if this is the worst form of abuse.
 
Verse 2
Am I meant to be your sacrifice?
Your sharp tongue spares me no mercy
I don’t enjoy the pleasures of being alive
The way you talk so fast, it’s like you’re in a hurry.
-
No one has the right to talk down on me
Stop; don’t react. Just count to three
I can’t afford to panic; I need to breathe
Yet your words burn me worse than the third degree.
 
Chorus