You, Yourself

The anti-liar -
You claim resides in fire -
Teach yourself to be held higher -
By the will of your desire -
Not pray to nonsense golden spires -
Disregard all lies from the choir -
Be your own knowledge igniter -
Always question, never tire -
 
They say beware the demon -
For it holds the keys to freedom -
And if you speak against, it's treason -
You fear they'll label you a heathen?-
Well my friend, it's passed, that season
Give me one logical reason -
Why you continue to try and please them -
If god spoke direct, I still would not believe him -
 
Hide behind your cross shit -
The bible holds you hostage -
To believe means you have lost it -
Belief system that is caustic -
Poison words that spit out toxic -
Spoken by, your held high, false prophets -
Learn of truth and what is honest -
Then you'll see you are unharnessed -
 
When one last time you close your eyes-
To find nothing of promised paradise -
Yet you continue to sacrifice -
Your entire wasted, discarded lives -
Begging to lords just like a peasant -
In time of death you will regret it -
Until your gods repent -
For being fraudulent -
 
Instead it's the Earth that's inherited the meek -
As you fight over mythical beliefs -
Following falsity, not truth you seek -
Whatever happens to come most easily-
Herded like some kind of fuckin' sheep-
Needing to be looked after weak -
Truth to them is heresy -
If that's the case, beware of me -
 
While you point hypocritical fingers -
At any and all non-believers -
I challenge you to instead delve deeper
Becoming your own truth seeker -
For fear of mortality -
Seems you have lost all sanity -
As they have skewed totality -
god's unneeded for morality -
 
Listen to what i say -
Live your life not for a grave -
Just acting good for heavens sake -
As if it's needed to behave -
If not free, you are a slave -
Only through self, can you be saved -
Do not fear a god of rage -
Punishing all for his mistakes

I illuminate my mind with devoted logic
Never again will I passively ascribe  
to temporal promised salvation
I cleanse my eyes with holy water
ridding myself of pining reverie
 
Fake cult with fakest prophet
phony zealot, trickster- leader
Your immaculate love for all
utterly rank, tainted sanctimony
cherished creed an evil chimera
 
Multitudes adore, worship you
Impoverished individuals fall
face down to the ground
still giving beyond their means
hoping for a sliver of affection
 
You preach acceptance, love
Be kind to all best as you can.
Everyone is so equal, so special.
That’s the rancid snake oil you sell!
Those able to purchase your favors?  
evidently are just a bit more beloved.
 
You weep bloody crocodile’s tears
as dejected devotees, many deprived,
of any way to reach your affections
depart, feeling worse than before.
Disillusioned, distraught, denied of
pure friendship gospel, benevolence.
Salvation for love-starved lonely souls
Your liturgy, your anthems, your smile
sickened so many sorrowful spirits.
 
Answer me this, big-tent showman
how do you meet your gaze in the mirror?
When your eyes reflect the lies told
to get your filthy tickets and trinkets sold?
 
Your mouth spills out lies and cries  
of being oh-so misunderstood
I heard you mighty fine, sinnerman
you just can’t deceive anymore.
 
I am onto your wicked design.  
Don't think I won't call for curtain
showing all the one behind the scam
 
Innocent people, looking for scraps
of love, kindness, acceptance fall
for your good looks and pretty words
We all want to feel special somehow.
To prey on the young and innocent
is a heinous crime you can never undo.
 
But I, once inside, who chose to leave
can rescue poor unfortunate souls
Show them the mirror of purest truth
That their self-worth, respect, esteem
priceless to them, is worth pennies to you.

Her presence grants me a serenity i cant explain.
My cheek bones weak at the sound of her name.

I try to erase thoughts of her, but my mind’s defiant.
i want her, but cant have her, im fighting my feelings in silence.

She pays close attention, one thing we have in common.
I want to act on my intuition, but i need to proceed with caution.

Her heart seems generous, kind and true..
A more intimate relation could be taboo.

Im becoming nervous when she's in my space..
like when your mom calls your full name and your heart begins to race.

Her crown made of dreadlocks, just like mine.
A waterfall cascading her back, i envy them caressing her spine.

Her spirit subtle, but i can't but notice.
She makes my mental scrabble, i can't keep my focus.

I want to taste her lips, but i dont think it'll come to pass..
If given the chance i wouldn't surpass.

To cuddle and watch films, netflix and chill.
No pressure or persuasion I want her, to want me at her own free-will.

I know this may only be fiction and fantasy..
Maybe one day, we run away and make it a reality.

©️Courtney Hines

He was fucking him?!  
She started laughing at her husband like he was a comic
he choked her till she stopped  
breathing into her lungs  
couldn't bear the itching truth anymore that she never loved him  
looking into her eyes as she walked in and saw them  
he was caught by surprise when she started laughing like a child  
then the surprise turned to rage  
he couldn't make her feel betrayed  
he couldn't make her feel anything  
the last time he fucked her, cat was made  
he was curiously engorged with furor  
he wanted her to feel  
how she made him feel for the last faded years  
and in that split second, he was a puppet to the devil  
the love couldn't stop the once sealed up core hatred  
releasing it in a single moment  
her eyelids opened wide, her face was blood shot red  
she stared at him with a suffocating voice  
but she didn't struggle  
as if this was better than the life she was living  
now in a freezer with her eyes still open  
her coldness within matching her skin  
she despised her teenage daughter  
she saw her as her stolen youth was found on her  
she saw him as nothing  
her husband noticed it but he said nothing  
she didn't love him, both knew that and they told kat  
Kat was fucking the front door neighbor  
and he was caught fucking her father.

If I wither away with every last fall of the autumn leaves    
I will come back with winter to see no change
In the metamorphosis of no evolution    
The after burn jejune escalading to nowhere    
Putrid smell concentrated of the platitude    
We are still in our mother's womb    
Trying to envisage utopia, but living a life of decadence    
Cradled with fluids that support us    
Dependent, waiting to be fed    
   
I hate the smell of the swamp, full of dead hope    
Every day it thickens, altering nothing    
Forgotten as the elixirs before it    
Spitted out as sputum by the ones on the throne    
They are playing psychopaths to our form    
   
If I die today, it will be my fall    
But tomorrow is today    
Immortal stuck on the lone brick mind    
Nothing to be noticed    
A mutation that has been removed    
   
Immature, their sense of state    
Greedy minds, they populate    
A never ending replication    
A defect with no cure    
Always change being a no    
Déjà vu will be the eyes worst foe.    
 

 

Why do I love you?
Is it because of how you look?
You are beautiful from head to toe
In every cranny and nook
Your loveliness shone out to me
From the first time we met
That feeling's only grown stronger
It hasn't left me yet

Why do I love you?
Is it because of how you feel
Your outpouring of emotions
That you release with zeal
You have the biggest, sweetest heart
That is overflowed with love
Giving to all and everyone
Wanting help from no man's glove

Why do I love you?
Is it because of how you think
Never afraid to self-express
Against some other click
The values that you hold close
Make you the woman that you are
Out there amongst the millions
The brightest shining star

Why do I love you?
It's because of all of this and more
You are the key that went into my lock
To open up my door
The piece of missing jigsaw
That made my picture whole
I love you always, every day
With all my heart and soul

My poetry has been a disguise of phantoms and recollections,
Fantasies fused with realities and some differences I can’t tell,
They’ve been obscure secrets escaped through innuendos,
Implicitly in coded language loaded with ghostly bombshells.

And some never went off…

It’s been a road of metaphors filled with similes and analogies,
Allusions to the illusions of the near madness that I bore,
Allegories of the freed confined mind resigned to stay silent,
Yet a little bit of it bled through the wounds and on to the floor.

They’ve been the expressions of lonely glumly feelings,
Endless streams of daydreams of my subconscious thought,
Reveries of love and anger ranging from passion to languor,
To euphoric epiphanies and revelations I used to plot.

It’s the journal to my life’s story without the fame or glory,
The reflection and hindsight to the past I sometimes forget,
Comical chronicles of the years, some of laughter, some of tears
And of the paths overlooked and chosen, and people I met.

I go back and read about:
Fifteen year old me and how silly I used to be,
Twenty year old me and how naïve I was back then,
Thirty year old me and how lost and scared I was,
Present old me and how I’m still trying to reach my Zen.

And I wonder about older me and if I’ll be a little wiser,
Maybe senile, maybe shrewd, perhaps ruthless and yet calm,
Writing better then old times dropping nuclear power rhymes,
Maybe then my message will come across louder than any bomb.