For the Laughs

- OPEN TO VOTE -
  - Two Weeks -


One
New
Funny
Poem
Per
Person


GO!

<3            

 Sorry For The Interruption, butt
 
 
From time to time, shit just happens,
 
and my Smart Phone?, deserves a slappin'
 
for after all, if I had my druthers
 
it'd not let my ass..... call another.



Written by Amorous_tryst

You poets made me laugh! Seriously, the competition is stiff in here....

The Other David and Goliath

Goliath, the paranoid dyslexic ephelant
Was stomping through the forest one day,
Taking a stroll down the trail in the woods,
Minding his business going about his way.
But in that spaced out peanut brain of his,
He did not notice an anthill in the road,
He stepped on it not becoming aware of,
The destruction he had just bestowed.
An army of ants came out of the flattened hill,
Mad as hell screaming "let’s to war”
He had destroyed their home and didn’t notice,
It’s time for payback like never before.
So the next morning all the ants,
Climbed up the branches in the trees,
Waiting for Goliath to walk down the path,
To jump him and bring him down to his knees.
And sure enough Goliath came strolling,
Unaware of the danger waiting ahead,
An army of homeless angry ants,
Was about to drop an elephant dead.
And so they all jumped on his back,
Flying through the air like the 101st division,
Punching and kicking with all they had,
Sure that they would accomplish their mission.
But Goliath started wiping them off,
With his trunk like he didn’t care,
And all the little ants started falling off,
Plunging to the ground falling in despair.
And the ants knew they were defeated,
Laying down beaten on the forest ground,
Suddenly they all noticed one little ant,
Hanging on to Goliath’s neck still not down.
And they all noticed, it was David,
The smallest puniest ant in the hill,
Almost unconscious, holding on for dear life,
And it gave them all hope and chills.
The ants started screaming “choke him,
Squeeze him with all your might,
We believe in you David, you can do it,
Wake up and don’t give up the fight.”
And David rose to the occasion,
Summoning all the strength he could,
Strangling the giant with his hands,
Believing that he could (and he would).
Goliath started to feel a little jab,
Somewhere on his neck he couldn’t reach,
He started panicking running now,
It was David stuck to him like a leech.
In his panic Goliath kept looking back,
Not noticing a tree branch ahead,
Running down as fast he could,
Not paying attention he hit his head.
He got dazed and dizzy knocking himself out,
Out cold falling to the ground,
It didn’t matter how, but he did it,
David had brought the giant down.

Naughty Nursery Rhyme


LIttle Miss Muffet
Played with her tuffet
Jackanori joined in too
Pinochio's nose, oh the little Miss blew
Peter Pan came and went again
Tinkerbell played with him in his den
Mary left her little lamb
While Brian the snail gave her the slam
Dougall likes it oh so doggy
Zebbedee's mind a little too foggy
Noddy did a dirty deed
With Bill and Ben and weed
George he was a hungry hippo
He was down on Jane but not too slow
Zippy was a naughty boy
All he could do was eat Florence's toy
Rod and Freddie well they were called 'Uncle'
Or that's they way it was to Bungle
Well that's enough of Toy Towns habits
They are all at it like rabbits


Written for Laughs competition

Grandpa

Grandpa woke up with a boner.
With a smile on his face,
Thankful he is now a stoner.

Shaking Grandma he said,
Look what the pot can do,
Now give me some head.

A slap he felt across his face,
And Grandma shouted
You’re a disgrace.

I’ve got better things to do,
Take care of yourself,
Or let your balls turn blue.

Grandpa said ok I will,
But my heart is weak
I need to take my pill.

He grabbed the lotion,
He was ready to go.
Before too long,
He was ready to blow

A moan, a shout
A cry he let out.
He never felt this before,
Falling face down on the floor.

A first he thought this is great
Then he saw the Pearly Gates.