Fictional Prose Seeking Honest Critique
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Short stories and chapters from books and novels
Honest critique has been requested for these poems. Want to learn the art of critique? Join our Honestly Crafted Critique group.
wallyroo92
Poem Published
7th Sep 2019 2:52am
7th Sep 2019 2:52am
The Things I Did
He joined the Marines at eighteen. A soldier through and through. He was tall, sturdy and always friendly. Daniel was my neighbor for nearly five years. He had moved from the high desert to the suburbs of L.A. so he could be closer to his grown children.
“I have six” he once told me. “Seven” he corrected himself a second later. Two from three ex-wives and one boy whom he had picked up during a mission while his platoon was making their way through the country side in Vietnam in early ‘73. The village had been raided just a few days before they got there. There were bodies...
“I have six” he once told me. “Seven” he corrected himself a second later. Two from three ex-wives and one boy whom he had picked up during a mission while his platoon was making their way through the country side in Vietnam in early ‘73. The village had been raided just a few days before they got there. There were bodies...
#soldiers
#war
#death #suicide
#death #suicide
639 reads
7 Comments
fianaturie8
Fia Naturie
Fia Naturie
Poem Published
17th Jan 2025 7:46pm
17th Jan 2025 7:46pm
Life Lesson Part 7 UK (f**king Ang)
It has been a while since I wrote a life lesson. I want to remind you that the year is 1989. I just made it back to the UK because my mother was not in the mood to deal with me.
I believe it was a chance for her to get her groove on without prying eyes.
My sister and I have been in the UK for over a week, and I started to feel…antsy. I wondered what David was up to.
I called the number he gave me the last time I was here, and his mum answered. Why did I call?
“Hello, is David home?” I asked
...
I believe it was a chance for her to get her groove on without prying eyes.
My sister and I have been in the UK for over a week, and I started to feel…antsy. I wondered what David was up to.
I called the number he gave me the last time I was here, and his mum answered. Why did I call?
“Hello, is David home?” I asked
...
#narrative
120 reads
11 Comments
karma_Na
Poem Published
17th Jan 2025 9:07am
17th Jan 2025 9:07am
peppa's dead
peppa , a pretty lady
lived in her castle of love
she loved me so she made me
paint red the little dove
peppa, oh so pretty
she wore the crown of laughter
she loved me so much
i obtained the rightful king's daughter
peppa, the sweet-sweet peppa
helped all those in need with life of her own
she loved me so she made me
ruin the night queen's tone
peppa, a pretty white dove
peppa , the rightful kings daughter
peppa, the night queen
peppa the pretty , oh so pretty, so sweet.
peppa the lover, my...
lived in her castle of love
she loved me so she made me
paint red the little dove
peppa, oh so pretty
she wore the crown of laughter
she loved me so much
i obtained the rightful king's daughter
peppa, the sweet-sweet peppa
helped all those in need with life of her own
she loved me so she made me
ruin the night queen's tone
peppa, a pretty white dove
peppa , the rightful kings daughter
peppa, the night queen
peppa the pretty , oh so pretty, so sweet.
peppa the lover, my...
#gothic
91 reads
0 Comments
Liziantus-Marantus
Poem Published
16th Jan 2025 10:55am
16th Jan 2025 10:55am
Sunday Morning
It was a typical Sunday morning.
With the sunset going down,sunshine forming.
A Sunday morning is never boring with you.
So have some tea with me,too.
Let me pour you some mint,honey tea.
And let the negative emotions flee.
As the moon goes down,sun comes up.
And the sun shines,staying put.
Maybe some music in the background.
Like lofi, electric beats.
A cup of tea,a good book.
Under the warm,cozy sheets.
It was a Sunday morning for me.
And everyone let me be.
I woke up from peaceful slumber.
...
With the sunset going down,sunshine forming.
A Sunday morning is never boring with you.
So have some tea with me,too.
Let me pour you some mint,honey tea.
And let the negative emotions flee.
As the moon goes down,sun comes up.
And the sun shines,staying put.
Maybe some music in the background.
Like lofi, electric beats.
A cup of tea,a good book.
Under the warm,cozy sheets.
It was a Sunday morning for me.
And everyone let me be.
I woke up from peaceful slumber.
...
#happiness
#hope
#inspirational
#motivational
#uplifting
50 reads
0 Comments
Liziantus-Marantus
Poem Published
12th Jan 2025 10:47am
12th Jan 2025 10:47am
Fairy Tale
One day,I woke up astray.
The world looked unusual,like I took a different pathway.
This world was unfamiliar.
Is this where the staircase led?
It seemed the grass is red.
The sky was grey.
And people's faces had a grey hue.
And you'd wonder,too.
About what this world conveys.
About what it makes it.
Or about what makes it stay in this realm.
Where insects are huge.
And grass is a shade of red or grey.
With people,missing faces.
Everyone in different places.
One is a girl who sold and...
The world looked unusual,like I took a different pathway.
This world was unfamiliar.
Is this where the staircase led?
It seemed the grass is red.
The sky was grey.
And people's faces had a grey hue.
And you'd wonder,too.
About what this world conveys.
About what it makes it.
Or about what makes it stay in this realm.
Where insects are huge.
And grass is a shade of red or grey.
With people,missing faces.
Everyone in different places.
One is a girl who sold and...
#curse
#evolution
#happiness
#hope
#magic
38 reads
0 Comments
Casted_Runes
Mr Karswell
Mr Karswell
Poem Published
11th Jan 2025 6:57pm
11th Jan 2025 6:57pm
The Poison Bride
When the famous poetess passed out in her mashed potatoes on Christmas Eve, 1978, her husband rolled his eyes and her two children carried on glumly chewing. It was a semi-regular performance, the passing out act. George wondered how he'd ended up marrying the silly bitch.
Once on a literary tour, they'd been besieged by girls who seemed to regard him with envy for having such unfettered access to their mentally unstable idol. He'd happily switch places with any of them, or the middle-aged sad-sack men who worried at her ankles at luncheons. Two years ago, she'd had a brief...
Once on a literary tour, they'd been besieged by girls who seemed to regard him with envy for having such unfettered access to their mentally unstable idol. He'd happily switch places with any of them, or the middle-aged sad-sack men who worried at her ankles at luncheons. Two years ago, she'd had a brief...
#death
#marriage
#ShortStory #violence
#ShortStory #violence
53 reads
3 Comments
LostViking
Lost Viking
Lost Viking
Poem Published
10th Jan 2025 1:25pm
10th Jan 2025 1:25pm
Young Sniper Preparing
The young soldier, Pavel, reclined on his bunk, the sterile light casting a pallid glow over the cramped quarters. His mind wandered to Alexandria, his lover since high school. She had sent him an email earlier that week, her words filled with longing and assurances of love and a revealing photo. But the miles between them were vast, and the silence of the nights was louder than the sporadic thunder of distant artillery.
Pavel’s fingers traced the cold, precise edges of the SV-98 sniper rifle that lay beside him. The government had spared no expense in arming him with this...
Pavel’s fingers traced the cold, precise edges of the SV-98 sniper rifle that lay beside him. The government had spared no expense in arming him with this...
#murder
#soldiers
#war
51 reads
0 Comments
Casted_Runes
Mr Karswell
Mr Karswell
Poem Published
6th Jan 2025 1:46pm
6th Jan 2025 1:46pm
The Bloodied Dandy
The hotel had been running since the Middle Ages and did a roaring trade in kitsch tours for people wanting to experience a little of the horror of murders that had happened there. Although the proprietors were innocent (tour guides employed by the hotel were at pains to emphasise) there was a conspiracy of highwaymen, as the 18th became the 19th century, to lure travellers and then kill and rob them in their rooms. One young Pink of the Ton (meaning a fashionable young man) was lured by the promise of elopement with a woman with whom he thought he had been in correspondence.
I was...
I was...
#ghosts
#historical
#horror #ShortStory
#horror #ShortStory
74 reads
3 Comments
LostViking
Lost Viking
Lost Viking
Poem Published
4th Jan 2025 4:12pm
4th Jan 2025 4:12pm
Existence Unremembered: Mother's Scrapbook
As a paid assassin, I view it as a privilege to be present in someone’s passing, to play a part in changing the trajectory of one life and by association, the lives of many others. These were my thoughts as the angry blast left the muzzle of my gun, carrying despair and the vanity of life in its unalterable path. The woman saw the flash of my powder and a moment of horror registered in her face. I relished being present to witness that moment of realization.
That a nameless woman’s most beautiful act of sharing would be interrupted by a single .40 caliber jacketed hollow point...
That a nameless woman’s most beautiful act of sharing would be interrupted by a single .40 caliber jacketed hollow point...
#murder
#sex
#violence
65 reads
0 Comments
Liziantus-Marantus
Poem Published
3rd Jan 2025 10:59am
3rd Jan 2025 10:59am
The Masks Of The Deep
They say the pacific ocean is clean.
On the surface,it does redeem.
Whales,sharks as people fish.
The water looked nice and clean.
Like no evil has been there at all.
Like it was always clean.
And it never had its one big fall.
Like a fish does swim and a crab crawl.
We enjoy the sights of all kinds of fish.
Some endangered ,too.
The surface of the water looked clean.
But the human eye it does fool.
Because deep down,the ocean can be dark.
If you just swim deep.
And your sanity,you try to keep.
...
On the surface,it does redeem.
Whales,sharks as people fish.
The water looked nice and clean.
Like no evil has been there at all.
Like it was always clean.
And it never had its one big fall.
Like a fish does swim and a crab crawl.
We enjoy the sights of all kinds of fish.
Some endangered ,too.
The surface of the water looked clean.
But the human eye it does fool.
Because deep down,the ocean can be dark.
If you just swim deep.
And your sanity,you try to keep.
...
#flowers
#nature
#sadness #water
#sadness #water
43 reads
0 Comments
Liziantus-Marantus
Poem Published
1st Jan 2025 10:48am
1st Jan 2025 10:48am
Starfilled Shore
It was a serene night.
And stars were in sight.
You began to walk down the shore.
On the sand filled,ground floor.
You began to walk as you got out of the door.
The stars were twinkling in the sky.
Like nightlights far away.
Maybe you seek peace.
Or a place to collect your thoughts.
Maybe you wanted silence.
And to drown out the negative thoughts.
Out on the shore,sat a girl as pretty as can be.
She had bright,blue siren eyes.
She had red hair,love symbolize.
Her lips were a share of red.
...
And stars were in sight.
You began to walk down the shore.
On the sand filled,ground floor.
You began to walk as you got out of the door.
The stars were twinkling in the sky.
Like nightlights far away.
Maybe you seek peace.
Or a place to collect your thoughts.
Maybe you wanted silence.
And to drown out the negative thoughts.
Out on the shore,sat a girl as pretty as can be.
She had bright,blue siren eyes.
She had red hair,love symbolize.
Her lips were a share of red.
...
#dreams
#kindness
#love
#mermaids
#redemption
43 reads
0 Comments
fianaturie8
Fia Naturie
Fia Naturie
Poem Published
31st Dec 2024 7:38pm
31st Dec 2024 7:38pm
Sessions part 3
After we went over the rules, Jordan led me downstairs to the dungeons. I tried to control my laughter at hearing the word dungeons since we are not in the 1800s. But once I stepped downstairs, I realized it was every bit of a dungeon than I thought.
We went to one of the doors that had a one-way viewing glass. I witnessed nothing out of the ordinary. A woman with no clothes on is tied down to a bed. She looked nervous and aroused. Her nipples were hard and her skin flushed pink. Then I saw the cause of her unease.
“That's dangerous. Is he going to use that on her?” My...
We went to one of the doors that had a one-way viewing glass. I witnessed nothing out of the ordinary. A woman with no clothes on is tied down to a bed. She looked nervous and aroused. Her nipples were hard and her skin flushed pink. Then I saw the cause of her unease.
“That's dangerous. Is he going to use that on her?” My...
#BDSM
#dirty
#erotic
#lust
#sex
151 reads
4 Comments
DU Poetry : Fictional Prose Seeking Critique: Short Stories and Chapters from Books and Novels (Page 2)
