< the universe >

you must be in some kind of a trip when you wrote this... so surreal, thus i love it... thank you

yes, definitely a trip!  :)

I've never been fond of ee cummings, who seems to be your main inspiration, but I like your work a lot, strangely enough. I like how your verse sometimes reads like diction, other times like lyricism, and all the time conveyed through a streamlined, easily comprehended format, so one can simply bathe in the beauty of the images, as opposed to consulting a dictionary every five seconds.

while i like E.E.Cummings, i'm the product of Susan Mitchell, George Oppen, and Michael McNeilley.  and yes, small words are my gods. it's wonderful to see you like those gods!! :)

as my good friend and great poet Michael McNeilley used to say: "Write drunk, edit sober." so i guess it works on the reading end as well. (so, are you going to give me Soho Lipstick?)

The second half of this piece is like a blackhole's gravity.  In fact, that's how I would describe this whole work.  You circle slowly and the closer you get to the point the faster it pulls you in and, finally, crushes you.  Wonderful, good sir.  Your talent paints me a pastel shade of green.

it's written in lock-step iambic to do that blackhole thing. it makes my pathetically happy to see it worked for you :)

woahhh... who needs drugs when  you can read this amazing poem! it's fantastic and fast paced. your talent for writing is inspirational!
x

though, oddly, it required drugs to write it. this must be the law of conservation of drugs at work, or, maybe, just karma. :)

what lock step iambic is. though it does remind me of another poem. the lady of shallot is written in lock step bit it isn't that one.

it has lots of good movement in it.
some of the images are excellent.
it isn't easy to get into but i think that's a good thing. too many lines to like to put them down would mean a copy and paste of most of the poem.

definitely worthy of publishing.

i like the way the poem changes tack. i'm sure for most the fave part will come after the rice. for me that's the best part. it sets everything up and juxtaposes with the rest of the poem so well. for me this could be the best poem you'll write.

thanks for the read.

the rice is my favorite part as well. and no, this is the 7th best.

i've got to agree with billy on the rice situation. it works tremendously as a feeling and with the rest of that third verse. [:

you can't go wrong with rice, especially if it's brown!

not only do i find this incredibly enchanting,
but its not even generalized.
enthralled.
explicitly enthralled my friend.

Though, technically, it is generalized; it just doesn't seem like it because the generalization is explicitly specific.

Good, makes a person start to think. Which is why we write.

this poem seems to me to be divided into three parts. the last paragraph I have enjoyed the most - it brings up the movement of the soul, cry for security, stability in life - "standing ground" - and search for inner peace. very well written :)

 desolate inner peace

 thanks