awkward (for girls with bad timing)

It’s always awkward when you overestimate things.

The first time he thinks he loves you
He tells you so.
Says, you are more than anything he has ever known
That there is no one like you anywhere
You take him for granted
Pretend you already know.

The second time he thinks he loves you
He keeps it quiet
But you are still inclined to believe him
You can see it in his eyes
He thinks you are the moon, the sun, the stars and
He is just another awkward teenage boy that does stupid things
Like fall in love with girls who take him for granted
You think you are doing the right thing when you leave him alone.

Years pass
He remembers your birthday, you forget his
He learns your favorite everythings, you never remember any of his.
You convince him he is good enough for other girls
You convince yourself you like to be alone.

The first time you think you love him
It hits you like a bullet
Destroys you
Decimates all pre-conceived notions of love and life and him
And the over-optimistic thoughts and dreams of forevers and always start
And you hate them but they never stop
So you swallow your pride and tell him like the hopeless romantic you have become
So you don’t understand
When he tells you no.
Tells you, he has loved you too many times
You have let him down too many times
You have let him go too many times
It is never going to work out
It is over.

You stand confused.
You have never done anything but run
And the one time he convinces you to stay
He is gone.

And shortly after the pain and the hurt and the wanting come to you
The realization hits you, and you know
This is your fault.
Because he is right as always
He loved you too hard, and you broke him apart
He loved you quietly, and you left him alone
He chose not to love you, and you loved him back too late.

And things do not work like that.

You thought he could love you forever
You thought he would always love you unconditionally
That he would take your rejection in stride
And continue to do a stupid thing like love you

But he cannot.
It is always awkward when you are standing on Cloud Nine
And you are the moon, the sun, and the stars
And he is the boy who would always love you unconditionally.

Until realization brings you both back to earth and you see that
He is just another awkward teenage boy
Who does smart things like let go of girls that take him for granted.
And you are the girl with bad timing
That made him this way.