my funny valentine (an inadvertent collaboration with SelahV-lotuscountry)

forward note:
 
the first poem is one I wrote based on an experience I had. It is ok, not great, so if it tugs on your patience please skip to the second poem, by the lovely SelahV. Avoiding completely certain privacy aspects, this poem was based on her side of the same event. It is better than ok, and the point of this venture. One of these pieces was written by a delusional asshole

(Ms.SelahV was kind enough to allow this "collab" of sorts)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
1.
"use to be the heart of the town"
 
it was in Prescott Arizona            
or as the locals say with an odd conviction,            
"preskitt"            
it was the winter of 2003            
I had a good friend            
attending school there            
and I was on tour            
  
(it was Phish tour            
the cliche of      
"if I have to explain it            
then you wouldn't understand"            
 seems apt)            
          
I had a few days off            
before Vegas            
and being 23            
I hit the bricks            
poking around for shakedown            
          
came across            
an old Victorian house            
big blue thing            
it was a legacy home,            
meaning that many a            
hippie            
gypsy            
and freak of all flavors            
had lived there over the years            
it had a name like        
"wonderland"          
or          
"house of the rising sun"            
          
it was February            
and judging by the ambiance            
it was a Valentines Day party            
of sorts            
          
the kitchen table            
was arrayed with            
a bowl of chocolates            
a bowl of flower petals            
chips and dips            
(organic, I'm sure)            
many bottles of wine            
and a cornucopia of condoms            
(did I mention the abundance of lsd?            
no            
good, I didn't tell them at first either)            
          
the party had potential            
to say the least            
          
wasn't long until            
corks uncorked            
and wine flowed            
poured            
and splashed,            
every satyr in the vicinity            
was sated            
          
and if not            
those oracles made sure            
                
I'm not sure            
where the book            
of Bacchanalian Songs            
came from            
          
or            
          
if that sort of book            
even exists            
          
but            
          
that funny ergot fungus            
made sure            
that it didn't            
matter            
          
    .....            
          
even if I could            
put the rest of that night            
into intelligible phrasing,            
I'm            
fairly certain            
that I am not allowed            
to tell you            
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
2.
"It was a very cold winter that year and we had no heat."
 
 
Really I was more distracted by the      
near death experience of our car flipping over      
a flurrying highway in Wheeling, West VA just after he'd      
hit the bowl a few times      
at dawn      
and how now      
my mother's car was totaled,      
she was furious,      
there were bills waiting for me at home and I knew      
this meant facing a cold and snowy winter      
of now even earlier mornings      
walking to the bus stops and waiting freezing      
then walking more      
and trying      
to make connections      
and how      
    
after the accident he'd gotten a bus      
going in the opposite direction of      
home with me      
chasing a quick runaway      
vacation mess of drugs      
and who knows what else as always      
leaving me alone with questions unasked and unanswered.      
I'd barely even noticed- Valentines Day,      
has always been shitty for me      
that year made more so suddenly      
    
while stranded, a blizzard      
at my parents old house      
his mother rubbing salt      
into my wounds for the purpose of      
igniting me, like herself, with fury      
"and he's left you alone on Valentine's Day..."      
it worked to the extent that i then realized he'd yes      
left me alone on Valentine's Day and damn him for that for sure      
but still it didn't bring him home      
like she'd wanted me to use it for.      
    
"did he even send you flowers?" she bellowed.      
Of course not, he was broke.      
All ect's were in place in my mind      
distraught more so silently by      
all the other nights      
at home      
he left me alone      
on a regular basis,      
the ones that weren't masked by a traveling bug,      
the one's that his mother would never know of      
because I shared nothing      
with anyone.      
    
He was my best, and in some ways only, friend.      
I did not interfere      
with his      
vision.      
I did not interfere      
with him      
living his life      
like a shooting star.      
    
It was not youthful naivety though I was half that      
nor was it foolish stubbornness which was the rest of me      
that made me      
so passive about our choices.      
      
I just knew him      
too well      
  
(still do)      
    
and I just    
loved him      
too well      
  
(still do)      
    
to not just      
let him      
    
be.      
    
His chaos, denial, selfishness and irresponsibility      
worn so proud like a self-stitched badge upon his sleeve,      
shown so loud for all to see and so fucking ready      
to fight      
for it        
while mine lay hidden under layers upon layers of insecurity and worry, introverted self-loathing and incessant over-working that barely paid my way      
anyway.      
    
I was in hiding back then,    
much more than now.      
    
I lived buried deep.      
And yes, to my horror there was a fearful guilty anxiety of pain      
that someday      
time would pierce me with it's levity      
and that I too      
would run away      
    
but that when I did      
it would not be like his quickly bursting temporary flings with   fun, wild memories and an already fading freedom like all stars,      
it would be an eternal burning wound inside my heart,      
it would be      
for      
    
ever.