deepundergroundpoetry.com
my girl
calls out my name
as I pick her up from the tarmac
another missed flight
another missed period
another trip down
neverneverland
in the cab she screams
and belches
a gutterload of bitterness
scorn shit despair
the kind that
gets to you
thrice we are forced to get down
each time i lift her
drag her luggage
yelling waving
damn cabbies give me
a hard time
at last i find one
she sleeps with her lips parted
vomit oozing eyes pissing tears
spiked with kohl and emptiness
my girl
once she was an angel
that flew and bloomed
shone rained danced
and loved immense
now
my flower is
an abomination
beyond repair
just like my love
for her
shit
Published 2nd Oct 2012
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 7
reads 860
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Oct 2012 4:24am
Sometimes we get there and return, sometimes we get there and move on. Sumeet, as always.
3rd Oct 2012 2:01pm
grace
ah. pure joy to see you reading
these.:] have missed you. yes,
sometimes that and sometimes,
that. the works.
thank you.
x
sumeet
ah. pure joy to see you reading
these.:] have missed you. yes,
sometimes that and sometimes,
that. the works.
thank you.
x
sumeet
4th Oct 2012 2:17am
Sumeet: I never left. I read you, always. I know, its here there and everywhere: the this and that. its like a carousel really.
4th Oct 2012 2:34pm
4th Oct 2012 1:02pm
"Eyes pissing tears" yes, yes.
I have to say, I prefer the first addition to this little series of yours simply because I feel like it had more of your signature poetic elements than this one did. This was much more straightforward; blunt. There were less moments where I really read a line and thought "that's just pure genius" because this was more simple than your other poems.
Not to say this is bad. On the contrary. You really have a knack for describing a mess. There was never a moment where this poem stopped completely dripping, sopping in fact, with just the shitty feeling of "fuck, what has he/she done" and that's amazing because it's tough to do.
Maybe it wasn't my favorite but I still thought it was gold. A little improvement might be of use, but if not, don't worry about it.
As always it was a pleasure :) Good job!
I have to say, I prefer the first addition to this little series of yours simply because I feel like it had more of your signature poetic elements than this one did. This was much more straightforward; blunt. There were less moments where I really read a line and thought "that's just pure genius" because this was more simple than your other poems.
Not to say this is bad. On the contrary. You really have a knack for describing a mess. There was never a moment where this poem stopped completely dripping, sopping in fact, with just the shitty feeling of "fuck, what has he/she done" and that's amazing because it's tough to do.
Maybe it wasn't my favorite but I still thought it was gold. A little improvement might be of use, but if not, don't worry about it.
As always it was a pleasure :) Good job!
4th Oct 2012 2:36pm
sublime
love your candor.:]
thank you for everything.
i know what you mean.
will do.
muchlove,
sumeet
love your candor.:]
thank you for everything.
i know what you mean.
will do.
muchlove,
sumeet
3rd Apr 2016 5:58pm
Steady with character & volume. Many rushes of emotional turmoil amidst the your call of duty. Fluid & sensible with a dash of distain to solidify relevance. Good read. Keep Grindin CAOS737
