deepundergroundpoetry.com
Petals Unfold
On feet with wings movements sway
silver shadows shine on rivers bed lay
glisten the dew to dream awhile
swirling about with a pixie smile
effortless wonder, witness me there
all of your splendor, yet not a care
hearts filled with laughter all can see
passion overflowing, releasing, set free
priceless this moment under moon bright
my heart shining in its lustrous light
birds hum the tune my feet tap dance
I witness your beauty, now entranced
smell of the wood fire burning lit bold
your natural allure mine to behold
my senses lifted high off the ground
rhythmically swaying body swirls round
my heart glides softly in fall's night retreat
lifting you effortlessly to your feet
our dance of love under harvest moon
parting your petals my soul in swoon
silver shadows shine on rivers bed lay
glisten the dew to dream awhile
swirling about with a pixie smile
effortless wonder, witness me there
all of your splendor, yet not a care
hearts filled with laughter all can see
passion overflowing, releasing, set free
priceless this moment under moon bright
my heart shining in its lustrous light
birds hum the tune my feet tap dance
I witness your beauty, now entranced
smell of the wood fire burning lit bold
your natural allure mine to behold
my senses lifted high off the ground
rhythmically swaying body swirls round
my heart glides softly in fall's night retreat
lifting you effortlessly to your feet
our dance of love under harvest moon
parting your petals my soul in swoon
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likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 14
reads 1101
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Petals Unfold
Anonymous
8th Jul 2012 9:18am
Nice beautiful campsite here Soul Man.
Lovely write....makes me want to take my lady camping!
Strider :)
Lovely write....makes me want to take my lady camping!
Strider :)
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re: Re: Petals Unfold
lol, thanks Strider! I love camping! An amazing wealth of places in our country.
Re: Petals Unfold
8th Jul 2012 9:38am
I really enjoyed this. The words seemed to swirl around me as I read.
I feel like L10 needed something. It was a little short and stopped the bouncing rhythm of the piece. Just a thought.
Delightful!!!
I feel like L10 needed something. It was a little short and stopped the bouncing rhythm of the piece. Just a thought.
Delightful!!!
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re: Re: Petals Unfold
9th Jul 2012 00:43am
Petals Unfold
8th Jul 2012 12:09pm
"priceless this moment under moon bright
my heart shining as a sprite"
Maybe "my heart shining in its lustrous light" a stretch of the syllable count would help the flow here. My line is just an example.
A beautiful poem Ken with wonderful imagery. :)
my heart shining as a sprite"
Maybe "my heart shining in its lustrous light" a stretch of the syllable count would help the flow here. My line is just an example.
A beautiful poem Ken with wonderful imagery. :)
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re: Petals Unfold
9th Jul 2012 00:47am
Re: Petals Unfold
8th Jul 2012 1:40pm
Your fans have spoken, and here are my two cents, this piece allows your readers to see with their mind's eye the scenario you have created with your beautiful words. Art at its best.
Red
Red
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re: Re: Petals Unfold
9th Jul 2012 00:48am
Re: Petals Unfold
Anonymous
8th Jul 2012 3:35pm
parting your petals my soul in swoon
********************************************
WOW
The poem is just beautifully romantic
and subtly erotic
Just beautiful to read
********************************************
WOW
The poem is just beautifully romantic
and subtly erotic
Just beautiful to read
0
re: Re: Petals Unfold
9th Jul 2012 00:49am
I love teasing to please... subtle is like the low thump of a bass guitar, a steady rhythm of delight. Thank you.
Re: Petals Unfold
8th Jul 2012 7:22pm
re: Re: Petals Unfold
9th Jul 2012 00:50am
Re: Petals Unfold
10th Jul 2012 3:11am
Wow. This was very theatrical, I love your play on words and how eloquently it flows. Great piece
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re: Re: Petals Unfold
10th Jul 2012 6:38am