Breaking writing rule No. 1,340

betty this is great. i love the chalk in the rain concept, very clever. one little thing is i thought the last line in the third stanza was slightly weaker than those before and after. it wasn't a huge issue, but still caught me for a second.  
 
'And all of the flowery, poetic  
bullshit in the world  
can’t show you  
what it means to drown in you'
 
- beautiful.
 
:]

Thank you! I'll check out that line, and roll it around, see if I can find something with a little more attitude. 'Preciate it!

Betty

always great to break rules.My favourite stanza is the second one.it brought back that ache in my chest I've been longing to get back.thank you and nice one

Thanks Viwe. That ache is something, eh? Horrible and lovely at the same time. Glad you liked. Betty

Betty

Straight to business. I have a thing
for constucts and visual aspects.
[I have been getting back to my original
love after months these days] and such
joy to see this.

To me it looked like a washed down work
of art. Or a broken castle. Something
sad and forlorn. The shape.

S2 begins on an overused expression and turns it around to something deeply meaningful.

S1. Beautiful Beautiful thing. Especially the end [you know that]*Rest of it makes me want to *cough n e r d* 'Sidewalk chalk drawing' is inventive and paints a desolate picture. Bettyesque touch.

'Windy ache' is very effective here.

'smear my features;
redraw my boundaries;
and outline simple desire '

Baam! Tangible and picturesque. Almost majickal.
The last line though is not as powerful IMO.
{I saw aglitch has covered that already}

String of strong imagery. The last line should deal with recombining probably.

'utterly destroying who I never was. '

Bravo. Such a beautiful and deep thought out line that carries such weight.

I love the end. Back to business. [Why do I have the feeling that you have altered the poem. Nevermind. Have not slept in a long long time.]

I will wait for Rule no, 4,372.:)

Write on, Betty

Sumeet

I hope you understand I say this humbly and very quietly:

Thank you.

Great work!  Beautifully executed all the way through.  The chalk drawing was a great metaphor, especially with the aforementioned rain I also loved how you tied in the rain metaphor with 'how wet I am' at the end.  Expertly done.

Thanks man! Glad you liked the tie-ins! Seriously, thanks, Betty

Flawless work, brilliant!

Thanks!

This is wonderful. The second stanza gave me chills. Brava x

Thank you

wow, Awesome piece...I enjoy your work!

Thank you!

love it

Thanks!

I start going backwards I may never sleep.

lol! I deleted a shitton because I’m like…. Who wants to read all this shit?

Thank you!

LOL ME !