Recurring

Jesta, I enjoyed this a lot. An interesting take on gluttony. I love how you've approached it with respect, a touch of the addict and a small amount of sensuality.  

Peace, Indie

ah, thank you, Indie! you've just slapped some perspective on me there, and i'm thinking this needs a re-title lest people are led to think it's literally about food. i hadn't seen it fitting together in that light, but it works both ways it seems. thank you again. [:

Very creative fishy.

thank you, Gigifish. it's a weird one for sure. [:

well, so far as running metaphor goes, you are quite the master.

Clever indeed to use the imagery of food to hammer home what it is you are writing about.

Great first stanza to introduce us into your frame of mind and to take us through the whole thought process with the next three stanzas.

There is a bit going on here.complex but precise.

If it were mine I might change something in this stanza:

 I've wondered
how long we would last
as* this pulsating set
of water/moon magnetism -
if the field would simply  
drop between the cracks in us  
or if it would fade  
with any semblance of grace
into fond and cordial  
double pecks of greeting

I am thinking 'as might be the wrong word here. maybe 'with or 'at might suit better.

This is one of my favorite stanzas though especially the last two lines of it.

Great stuff Jesta and shine the fk on :)



edit: ok so I've been over that stanza again and I think 'as fits
perfect. ..sorry 'bout that.

 

you're far too kind, my friend. thank you for taking time to look into it. it may not make it through the night. [:

Wow thats some great writing

and that's a great compliment, thanks so much. [:

That first stanza had me hooked but this:

"I'll also say  
before the consequence  
of muffin-top hips    
fits itself into my everyday jeans:  
firsts were far worse  
for the following drag of temptation  
than never having known your lips  
dry, full from sleep  
[and better things]  
sinking into mine ".. Is as beautiful as it is fearless...

The whole gorgeous thing felt like the words of a reckless, flighty girl whose dreams just don't let up.. A fine write Lil Lady!

well thank you, m'lady. this was more of an exercise in implementing some recent advice than anything else, but i think i need more practice. [: so glad you liked it, that means a lot from such a wordstress. [:

speaking of seconds, there indeed is a second meaning to this writing, but I am left mystified,
like, did she really hint at that???

Putting the reader in a curious attitude is quite a good thing. Thanks for your poem!

hah! well, i'm not sure i know exactly what you think it was a hint at, but i'm grateful for your thoughtful reading. thanks for the stop in. [:

I like how you took it from being uncomfortable with the muffin top hips to the sensuality of aching for his weight on your hips..beautifully brilliant..peace Crim

you're so lovely, Crim, thank you. [:

Nicely done Jestalessa.

Strider :)

Thanks, Strider [:

I can almost taste the temptation. You continue to earn both my jealousy and my admiration. Lovely as always.

huge compliment, mademoiselle, thank you. [:

fond of the metaphores here controlled language well done and original

thank you so much! i was hoping it wasn't too cliche'd in some parts, so that is encouraging indeed.

welcome to DU [:

Hey, Jesta! Lurve it, as usual. Your style seems to be blossoming. Smooth, genteel, and ripe with imagery. I'm a little jealous I didn't come up with this one :)

Yes, yes, you ROCK!

heeey! thank you so much, Aish! of most, you would know, and i appreciate that. [:

I'll also say  
before the consequence    
of muffin-top hips    
fits itself into my everyday jeans:  
firsts were far worse  
for the following drag of temptation  
than never having known your lips  
dry, full from sleep  
[and better things]  
sinking into mine


Love that stanza the most..u def have a way with words love the passion/sensuality behind this entire poem with the almost heavy tinge of sadness and foreboding I feel  as well..

thanks for the read Jestalessa

wow, thank you, Philip. i hadn't thought it was as heavy or foreboding, but that just shows how different readers' perceptions can be from my own. something for me to think about, and for that, i am certainly grateful. [:

You have wonderment, talent, imagination, giftedness.  Please keep it up.  But, for what it is worth, I don't quite see how the first stanza fits into the poem.  I, personally, would drop it and begin with the second stanza.  But that's just me.

marcella1

wow, that is high, thank you.

i was hoping the first stanza began a ponderance on indulgence and overindulgence, sort of outlining the shape of the second stanza before colouring it in. i'd be interested to know if others had issue with that as well; maybe i should have made it more clear? i'll have another look.  thanks for your valuable feedback. [:

this kinda somehow i feel like the poem can connect to my life right now on where im standing and it maid me smile and frown for a reason i dont wish to share but its vary creative :)

well, thank you for reading; the best thing to hear is that it connected to someone's life. [:

Echo Unveiling here.  Favourite verse the last.