That night you almost slept on the couch

You made eye contact
with the nape of my neck
when you grabbed your pillow
and a spare blanket from the closet

and left with the soft click
of the door.

My shoulders unwrapped
from around my ears
and I rubbed my temples
against the muffled sound
of you settling in on the couch

where you fucking belonged

and my anger did its thing
and evaporated as soon
as I missed you

which was always as soon
as I'm not in your arms

I lay back,
cool sheets,
and spread my feet
all the way to the
opposite corners
trying to revel in the space
I had all to myself
and I rolled up in the sheet
hogging it

and

the couch spring groaned;
as the sheets wrapped
the smell of sex
and man
around my uncontrite body

I should have washed them this morning
hell, I should have fucking
burned the sheets
after we turned the
bed into a fresco
of sweat and hunger
last night

but I pulled them to my nose
and my pussy
twinged
at the flashback
headboard cracks
on the drywall
my hoarse moans
as you rode me hard
hand painting my ass
with well placed slaps

I flung the sheets off
padded to the door
and heard your inhale
at the click of the latch

Well fuck.

You were there in the dark

where I needed you

That thing between us
crackled like static in the air as
you waited for me
to bring you back to bed

or join you on the couch

to hide my body in yours
from the monsters
under my pillow
and find respite
in the safety
of your danger

and fuck that pissed me off again.

I don’t even know why.

I padded back to bed and
loudly tossed and turned
my body as discontent
as my mind
until
I worked my fingers
below the waistband
of my panties
and moaned
loudly

The couch springs sounded
your alarm
and that made me
feel a little feral

knowing you
were straining
to hear me
play with myself

And my anger had an avenue

I moaned yes
and moved my fingers
against my turgid little nub
viscously turned on by the heavy
silence in your ears

I paused to grab
a hot pink dildo
with a vibrating rabbit
attachment from the
side drawer.

You made me fuck myself with it
just last week
while you
slapped my mouth
with the head of your
cock until I came

three times

So I knew
you’d know
the
sound of it turning on,
sound of it sliding in
my wet,
wet pussy

I knew you’d remember
how it looked
pumping into my body
while the extensions
tormented my clit

I knew you’d
think about the
way I sucked my
own cum from it
before you replaced it
with you…

And I fucked myself
alone in bed
like a stranger in a bar
fucked myself like
I paid for the night
by the hour,
I fucked myself
in the backseat of an
abandoned suburban
in the parking lot
drunk and
loud and
sloppy and
hot

and I made sure you knew
exactly
what you
were missing

I paused a moment before the orgasm
to catch my breath and edge it out

And heard the rhythmic
thwap thwap thwap
of your beautiful fucking cock
in your beautiful fucking hand

You paused too,
we lay in the dark
separated by
a fake distance
fucking each other
in different rooms

I was a rabid dog
because I know what your head
looks like flashing in and out
of your fist,
know what that first shot
of cum looks like
and the force it hits with

There was no art as
I found your rhythm
and you matched mine,
no artifice as I
yelled your name
and clenched around
plastic as I heard
you groan your release

the silence in our heavy breathing
said everything I longed to hear

I got up to get a towel
and wash off the sex toy
and stopped by
the couch

to bring you back
to bed

we made
moonlight eye contact
as my body
nestled into yours
while I drifted off

content
to find danger
in the safety of your arms