the indelible ephemera of you

I found forever in the ether  
called your blue eyes salvation  
and pretended we could be God  
like we were capable of using  
that kind of power for anything other  
than mutual self destruction  
 
I've loved you for a lifetime  
made stained glassed pictograms of you  
and cut my feet on their remains  
after I smashed your memory  
on the floor  
when you traded me for a woman  
you found wrapped around  
a stripper pole  
 
If I had a dollar for every woman  
you wanted more than me  
I could shout myself a months  
worth of cafe coffees  
I don't have to dine and dash  
 
I love you like a drug I can't kick  
I hate you like the comedown I tell myself  
will never happen again  
 
I bolt the doors  
but you hold the keys  
(all the keys)  
and I feel your presence  
before I hear your voice  
whispering sweet everything's  
and your body is heavy against mine  
your hand between my legs again  
and I don't have the self control  
to push you away  
as you push me towards insanity  
 
I let you kiss me  
with all of yesterday's lies  
knowing we're made for nothing more  
than the stories we weave between  
the people we use like human shields  
telling ourselves this isn't real love  
because this isn't real love  
 
Forever is still out there somewhere  
in the ether  
twisting our names together like smoke